07/18/2004
A Quality Kaitlyn Day
Grandmother sits down to write this missive, Kaitlyn Mae, before the happy/sad, bittersweet memories leave me. I must also tell you about the three baby robins over my garage. Yes, one has something to do with the other but you get ahead of me.
You are a little over seven months old at this writing and yesterday your parents brought you to visit for an entire quality day. I don’t know if they had quality day as part of the plan but it turned out that way and I’m much happier for it.
You are now crawling all over the place, Kaitlyn, and your personality begins to emerge. At least as grandmother sees it and what the heck, I’ll write it now and later on down the road we’ll see how right I am.
For now a little background. It seems that for the entirety of your life, Kaitlyn,-and I’m knocking wood with all ten knuckles here-you have been extraordinarily healthy. And I do mean extraordinarily in that your mother, just between you and me, Kaitlyn, is a bit of a hypochondriac. She always has been but I’ll be honest and say it’s more of a personality aspect than an obsession. Still she regularly checks the baby boards and pays close attention to your doctor visits. Yesterday she told me she was worried that, get this, the spring water they buy to make your formula should have fluoride in it.
I was still pondering that bit about buying spring water to make your formula much less the part about the fluoride. We’ll cut that reminisce short right here Kaitlyn, and continue with the background. So you’ve been a very healthy baby and I know you’ve only been alive seven months at this writing but my one major motherhood memory from the one and only baby I gave birth to was that by your age your mother had been sick so many times that I equated giving birth with disease.
Your mother developed pneumonia when she was six months old and had to be hospitalized. Before this she had been sick at least one week out of every month of her very young life. Sickness that required hospital emergency visits many times.
I don’t know why, Kaitlyn, as your mother is a big-boned healthy adult woman but it’s how it was. I did not breast-feed your mother because the liberal women’s libbers to whom I stupidly reported disdained those maternal activities that would tie a female to her child like she was nothing but a …., well, a mother. You, Kaitlyn, were breast-fed. It’s why God made boobs but don’t tell the men that, Kaitlyn.
You seem also to be keenly curious and there’s nothing better on the earth Kaitlyn as curious members of the animal kingdom grow up to be healthy adults of their species.
Now about the baby robins. I must say I’m amazed. Because that mother robin picked the oddest, and most perfect, place to build her nest. I even told my husband that it seemed a stupid place and he agreed.
The nest nestles in the “S” part of my rain spout right below where the top of the spout affixes to the rain gutter. The gutter runs the horizontally across the length of the roof as designed, then rain spouts are placed into the gutter so that the water may run across the roof gutter and empty down into the affixed rain spout, then eventually out onto the ground at, ideally, a spot designed to effectively carry away the water from the house. The locations of the rain spouts are usually at the sides of the house. One of ours is to the direct right of the garage.
First, the material on which the nests rest is aluminum, hardly a natural wooded setting I’d think a mother robin would choose. I cannot even imagine the amazing engineering required to build that nest out of slippery twigs. I’d think the twigs would be falling off that slippery aluminum, making it impossible to get the nest to any size. However, Kaitlyn, the mother robin managed to build an entire impressively sized nest. At some point the finished nest got high enough that the eves of the house helped hold it in place. Still, it looked to grandmother to be a fragile thing but goodness I’m no expert on architecture. Mother robin had no velcro to hold her nest to the rain spout but somehow it worked.
One day while tending the gardens I stopped and re-considered mother robin’s architecture. There was no way a squirrel-rodent could get up there. And the entire nest was completely under-cover. Though she built her nest on a rain spout, mother robin’s nest would never be rained on.
Yesterday I walked you over to see the robin’s nest but of course you didn’t understand that you had to look up and were likely wondering why grandmother wanted you to regard an aluminum rain spout as a thing of great curiosity. I even scratched on the rain spout at a point as far up as my arms would reach. Still you did not respond and hey, I’m not sure fingernails running across aluminum pipe would be such a joyous sound either. My noise did, however, cause the robins in the nest to all stick their heads out of the nest. Three featherless little puffballs, their open beaks then trebling any other part of their body, thought the scratches were their parents’ legs landing on the spout. Their response was an open and ready beak. They must hatch knowing how to do this.
We took a walk around the yard, Kaitlyn, and you were intrigued. I even sat you down on the grass for a while, wondering if it was okay to do that. You liked the red petunia and yes you tried to eat it. Soon enough you decided it wasn’t something you wanted for dinner. Same with the grass that you clenched and pulled up with your tiny hands.
I shouldn’t go into the dog story but honesty compels. Yes the sight of that big Belgian sheep dog’s entire head sticking out incongruently from a tiny opening at the bottom of the rear garage door did frighten you. Then it might have been me screaming at Jo-Ann to get back as I feared that she just might find a way to burst that door off its hinges. To run amok around the yard with the door still stuck on her, her head sticking up through that tiny hole. So I tried to save you from this horror, Kaitlyn, but I only caused you to cry with rage and dismay and frankly sweetheart, I don’t blame you.
I do the only thing I can do to calm you down. Which was to take you back in the house with your mother. In fact, you calmed down so much that you still allowed me to hold you so long as your mother was nearby and could protect you from my strangeness. Your mother handed me a HUGE jar of baby food. Pureed sweet potatoes. I had no idea babies ate such things.
Grandmother took the little spoon and began to feed you the stuff in the jar. I wonder how much of this you could possibly eat and your mother informs me you will likely eat the entire jar! I tried to be cool but dear lord this baby would eat an entire jar of watery sweet potatoes and I had no idea you ate anything beyond milk.
All I had to do was stick the tiny spoon into the jar and your mouth pursed perfectly and opened wide. Nobody had to teach you this, Kaitlyn. I’m sure you know what’s coming here.
Yes you did.
You looked exactly like those three baby robins with their opened beaks. All of you babies knew food was around and every one of you knew how to channel it to the perfect spot. Which would be your stomachs.
All of you, Kaitlyn, your baby self and the robins, are at the same point so far as food is concerned. You were hatched/born with the instinct and you all follow it through.
The robins will go on and continue with their normalcy towards food. They will not suddenly decide that worms are people too and become robin-vegetarian peta members. They will not splash worm manure on the other robins who would eat worms.
They also will likely not do that weird food thing, Kaitlyn, where young women decide that emaciated is too fat and refuse to eat or if they eat, they figure out how to bring it all back up. No, those baby robins won’t go on to this end, Kaitlyn, as they know that food is fuel and to go on living requires fuel.
I can’t tell you not to get caught up in that trap, Kaitlyn. As I recall your mother went through a period of time with food issues. It almost seems to be part of the human culture. Note I said “human” culture, Kaitlyn, as defined by Hollywood, as the birds sometimes have more sense than us.
Of course there is the other thing, Kaitlyn, being extremely obese. “Fluffiness” does run in the family, sweet granddaughter, but take grandmother’s advice. Forget the weird fake meals, the needles and pills. Find yourself an activity, a strenuous activity of some sort, be it vollyball, basketball, soft ball, aerobics, whatever floats your boat. Get involved in this activity and make sure it something you love. That will help control your weight, this regular physical exercise and nothing else.
Still, it was a lovely day, Kaitlyn, in that I got to spend so much time with you. You chased my cats, even insisting on crawling over to a big porcelain statue of a cat I have as home décor. Darn, you must have thought your baby self, that is a cat to end all cats. I had to run and put it up high lest you use it as a pull bar.
I slept next to you in your playpen and was right there when you woke up. We played peekaboo and at one point your feet were in my bathroom sink such was my quest to entertain your baby self.
The only toy I had was a squeaky dog toy ball but you and I played with it for almost an hour. I sat down on the floor with you and rolled it to you. You batted it somewhere but I always told you how accurate your throw was. The ball would squeak when I squeezed it and that process would cause a little puff of air to come out of a small hole at the top. Sometimes I would just squeak it for you and sometimes I would position the hole in the ball so that in pressing a puff of air would hit Kaitlyn in the face. You liked it, but you always closed your eyes with the surprise.
I never thought spending a day with a baby could be so much fun. Stay tuned, Kaitlyn, and I’ll tell you how those baby robins make out.
Tuesday
Friday
My Story
07/04/2004
Neighbors
Hoo boy, Kaitlyn but Grandmother is in trouble. It’s an odd story and by the time you read this my grandchild, well there might be peace in Iraq and Deerwood Delaware. Anything’s possible.
You see, Kaitlyn, as grandmother pens this book to you, she also posts the entries to her Blog on the Internet. Blog being short for web log and a dangerous thing for opinionated persons such as myself.
Way I figure I’m killing two birds with one stone here, intending full well to approach a publisher with this missive for possible publication. I don’t know, it could be one of those chicken soup for the soul things; a grandmother writing a book to her granddaughter. It does have a popular, “Lifetime” sort of appeal.
But since so many of the entries deal with current events, “current” meaning as of the writing, well I thought I’d post it on my Blog. And who knows, Kaitlyn, maybe I’ll sell a book or two.
Anyway, Kaitlyn, on the date of this writing, Blogging is a relatively new phenomena. By the time you read this, dear Granddaughter, I’m thinking it will be a federal law that all school children maintain a Blog and, indeed, an hour of each school day will be dedicated to writing upon one’s own Blog. It is reading and writing, after all, Kaitlyn Mae.
Alas, Kaitlyn, do not make the mistake Grandmother made. A Blog is NOT a diary. Absolutely anyone in the universe can read a Blog absent passwords and such. This is when my trouble began. Mr. New York read my Blog.
Now Mr. New York, Grandmother’s neighbor to the left and a nasty fellow as Grandmother has determined though he greatly disagrees (more on this later) didn’t chance upon my Blog by accident. He happened to read about it in our local newspaper in which, tada Kaitlyn!, Grandmother’s Blog was featured.
Indeed I was very flattered when the reporter sent me an email requesting an interview. It is a local yokel paper after all and the reporterette was, oh about 19 years of age or so. In fact, the photographer they sent to the house was but a child but hey, Grandmother smiled and played along to their request that they have a picture of my pioneering self working on my computer. I suppose it made good copy and what they hell, I figured if it got people to my Blog site they might buy one of my books, featured on the Blog site. Writers, Kaitlyn, must be whores of the highest order.
To my surprise, the very front page of the July 4th edition of our resort newspaper had as its headline “What’s the Blog All About?” The reader was directed to Page 7 which had, ahem, a HUGE picture of Grandmother when Grandmother thinks she is already huge enough. But there I am, smiling and sitting in what is obviously the kitchen, computing and Blogging. The reporterette also quoted an extensive (and one of the better written) excerpt from the Blog.
Oh my.
Sometimes, Kaitlyn, in this grandmotherly missive to you, I forget those unkind things I say about my neighbors and various in-laws. Seems Mr. New York didn’t like being referred to as “awful” (see Blog Entry 05/19/2004 5:27 PM “Gardening Challenge at Serendipity Shore”). I also insulted the nasty people on the other side of me, Kaitlyn, but I don’t think they can read.
I’m going to explain just why I think they’re nasty people in a bit, Kaitlyn, but before I do, allow your pioneering Grandmother to give you an insight into what is going on here. Which would be, I submit, dialoguing via the Internet. For if Mr. New York read my Blog than perhaps he is reading this entry. Now for sure, Kaitlyn, I am going to tell my side of the story as well as include the obligatory moral lesson to my beloved Granddaughter.
The dogs were a problem from day one Kaitlyn, and allow Grandmother to state right here and now that the entire problem was the fault of your beloved Grandmother and her somewhat unimaginative husband. It is no crime, Kaitlyn, to admit you are wrong. Indeed in some parts of the world except Saudi Arabia, such introspection is considered a good thing.
We’d just moved and both of us were struggling with how to handle the dogs. Which did not, Kaitlyn, settle into a bucolic bliss in their new yard to romp happily and merrily within the confines of the tall fence and while exhibiting polite canine behavior. So I named it Serendipity Shore, Kaitlyn, but the dogs were not serendipitous at all.
Jo-Ann, the Belgian Shepherd that you might know very well one day soon, Kaitlyn, jumped the fence within the first week of our move. This required that we put Jo-Ann on a lead to keep her in her own yard. We did string a long affair across the yard but she kept getting tangled and after an hour on the lead she’d have about an inch of movement left. The little dog, Cleetus, who you may NEVER meet, Kaitlyn, sat at the sliding glass door and whined all day to come in. Our original intentions were that the dogs would spend their days outside, together and happy with warm, dry dog houses provided, and come in during the evening hours. It was how we kept them at Critter Cove though even then Jo-Ann had been jumping that cheap chain link.
Billy and I dearly love Jo-Ann and I would walk through fire should anything happen to her. But if I had it to do all over again I’d never, not ever, get the Belgian Malinois breed of dog. Kaitlyn, they had the pups at $150 a pop and the breeder told me, when I asked her what was a Belgian Malinois, that they were lively, intelligent and protective dogs. We’d been looking for a pup to replace our mongrel dog of 15 years, Gloria, the most wonderful dog ever to have existed on the planet.
Jo-Ann is not, Kaitlyn, another Gloria. This breed of dog, Kaitlyn, is not to be believed, just the strangest damn dogs on the planet. She ripped every planting out of my garden in Critter Cove, including some small trees. She was incredibly destructive, easily bored, and, in the understatement of all time, a handful.
We got Jo-Ann before we knew we were going to move. But once we knew we were going to move we naively figured the quieter area and larger fence would contain her.
Both dogs were a problem but we did keep them in the yard, Jo-Ann always on a lead after she jumped the fence. We tried to persevere, to force them to get used to the yard and spending the day in it. We never, ever, left them alone in the yard when we would be gone. We did, and this was the mistake, leave them in the yard and stay in the house, going on about our business.
Jo-Ann was the greater problem to the neighbors but Cleetus and his incessant whining was almost unbearable. Billy and I were both at an impasse. The dog situation was untenable yet we had no solution to the problem.
The climax to the impasse occurred one day when every dog in the neighborhood was barking at something, I don’t know what. Before that, Jo-Ann had somehow got out of her lead (I now know that the clasp has a bit of rust that unless checked, could remain open) and was jumping at the fence of our neighbors to our right, who have a little Jack Russell terrier that Jo-Ann wants to get to know. She didn’t jump the fence that day but she was carrying on and trying to climb the thing. I think she thought she was still on a lead- indeed the entire lead was trailing behind her but not attached to the clothesline affair-and didn’t try to do her flying leap thing because of it. Still she was snapping and snarling and the lady came over, rang the doorbell, and asked me to come get the dog.
Which I did, hooked her back up to line, and went inside. This is when the neighborhood bark fest began and Jo-Ann was by now in a total frenzy.
Both neighbors came out at me, yelling and screaming and ignoring my pleas to talk it over. Mr. New York, a charming fellow, told us he was going to send us back to Maryland I was sooooo scared, Kaitlyn.
It’s no mind what was said during all the yelling and screaming except, dear Kaitlyn, Grandmother did apologize profusely because, well I was damn sorry. I didn’t want my dogs making anyone’s life uncomfortable, much less the innocent who weren’t even stupid enough to buy her. It was more thoughtlessness than anything else that Billy and I were guilty of. We were so busy with moving and still with no solution for the dog problem, we failed to take note of how Jo-Ann’s frenzied barking and perhaps the fear that she might get loose again and come barreling over into a yard that wasn’t hers, made the neighbors mighty uncomfortable.
Okay, Grandmother’s got her guilt out of the way and will further rest on her proven laurels, sweet Granddaughter. Because since the incident, almost a year now, Billy and I have both taken complete control of these dogs. They are never left in the yard by themselves; one of us is always with them. The porch has a handy gate installed and they can sit on it with me but they cannot bark willy-nilly at people in the simple act of walking around their yards. Oh they still do it, Kaitlyn Mae, but they are quickly scolded as, tada, one of us is always with them. Jo-Ann still insists on going over to that fence and when she sees the little Jack Russell she goes nutso and gets herself into a frenzy trying to climb the fence. I don’t know if she can climb that fence. She used to be able to jump it fluidly but for her to do that now would require enough of a running leap that whoever was watching her could stop her in time. Now Jo-Ann does the sneaky thing and jumps up to peak over that fence when we might not be watching. Also, I don’t think Jo-Ann can jump like she did as a youth as a)she’s fatter and b)she has a bad hip. At any rate, Billy or I manage to pull her off the fence and her insane desire to get over there to the little dog. She has a perfectly good little dog on her side of the fence and while Cleetus has his faults (pay no attention to your father’s nasty comments), he knows how to play Jo-Ann like a violin. Cleetus plays with Jo-Ann all the time and those two are hilarious when they play. But no, Jo-Ann wants to get over the fence at the other little dog because, well I just don’t know why.
But we are trying to train her and every day she gets a little better. The rambunctious pup is only, as of this writing, a bit over a year old. And of a breed that no sane person should try to own.
Now about the neighbors. Mr. New York, Kaitlyn, has this very strange habit of getting drunk in mid of night. He will then either walk the streets of the community of stand out on his deck, and shout to the world. Sometimes, Kaitlyn, I can hear what he’s shouting and sometimes not. The dogs will, as dogs do when a drunk is in the middle of the street yelling in front of their house, bark. Understand that the dogs are properly in their bed and sleeping during this time but Mr. New York, he hears the dogs barking at his tirades and he takes umbrage. He then proceeds to cuss out our dogs, calls Billy names, shouts and screams some of the stupidest stuff.
I consider this awful behavior, Kaitlyn, and this is moral lesson number one from Grandmother. For we live in an age when it’s considered politically impolite to judge people. Go to hell, drunks shouting and screaming in front of your politely sleeping household is not a nice thing and by Grandmother, it’s very boorish behavior. Last night he stood in front of my house and told me he was going to make our lives a living hell for the rest of our lives. He carried on over the gardens, called me a liberal, all sorts of stuff they he read on this very Blog.
He was angry, sweet Kaitlyn, that I said he was awful. Kaitlyn, even if he reads this entry today, I still think he is an awful person because awful people get drunk, stand in front of your house, and yell and scream at your quiet and law abiding selves in the middle of the night. I’d call that pretty much the definition of the word “awful”. I won’t even go into his assertion that he was going to make us miserable the rest of our lives. This is moral lesson number two, Kaitlyn Mae: Nobody can make your life miserable. Only YOU can make your life miserable.
I have every intention of continuing to lead my law-abiding happy life in Serendipity Shore and guys like Mr. New York have no power to prevent me from my lawful pursuit of happiness as guaranteed by the constitution and my status as a citizen.
Okay, that bit about the drunken midnight screamfests gets in the way but Kaitlyn, he’ll stop it. I don’t know how and I don’t know when, but so help me God, he is going to stop that horrible behavior. Maybe he needs your Grandmother to take him on.
OR, he could just come on over and introduce himself. We could sit and talk. I’d love to hear about his experience in Vietnam and as a New York cop. It is possible, I submit Kaitlyn, for him to become just a normal neighbor. We don’t have to be bosom buddies and frankly, I’ve never been one to hobnob with the neighborhood. However, they gave me a party when we moved from Critter Cove, where we lived mostly in peace for fifteen years. Billy and I aren’t perfect but neighbors could do waaaaaay worse than us as adjacent living companions.
As for the folks on the other side, well they’re not so nice either. Not that I care because, again Kaitlyn, my happiness does not depend on living next to pleasant people. They are the ones that left a cowardly note, Kaitlyn, in our mailbox (which is against federal law I might add), that our lawn needed mowing. Which it did as our lawnmower was broke but this is no mind, Kaitlyn. Who made them arbiters of good taste?
Also, when we first moved here, before the dogs and the notes, Billy and I noticed that the people across the street were setting up for a yard sale. Then we notice our neighbors to the right were putting up those orange cone things along the street in front of their yard. Billy and I both commented as to how very small this was. They evidently didn’t want yard sale patrons parking on the public street in front of their house.
So it’s not all Serendipity Shore here, Kaitlyn, but it is really nice. And Grandmother is very happy here and will continue to be so no matter how hard Mr. New York tries to make it miserable. He’s already such a miserable human being that I pity him. Kaitlyn, only mean and miserable human beings strive to bring misery to others. Genuinely happy people only want all around them to be as happy as them.
There’s a lot of laws being broken in all of this Kaitlyn, but Grandmother wisely has just ignored the pettiness around her. I will hold my head high, smile, and be pleasant at all times. I will do my duty and contain my errant dogs and for the most part, my yard and gardens are as lovely as anyone’s.
Given a choice between being around a happy person or a miserable one, Kaitlyn, who do you think most normal people would pick?
Neighbors
Hoo boy, Kaitlyn but Grandmother is in trouble. It’s an odd story and by the time you read this my grandchild, well there might be peace in Iraq and Deerwood Delaware. Anything’s possible.
You see, Kaitlyn, as grandmother pens this book to you, she also posts the entries to her Blog on the Internet. Blog being short for web log and a dangerous thing for opinionated persons such as myself.
Way I figure I’m killing two birds with one stone here, intending full well to approach a publisher with this missive for possible publication. I don’t know, it could be one of those chicken soup for the soul things; a grandmother writing a book to her granddaughter. It does have a popular, “Lifetime” sort of appeal.
But since so many of the entries deal with current events, “current” meaning as of the writing, well I thought I’d post it on my Blog. And who knows, Kaitlyn, maybe I’ll sell a book or two.
Anyway, Kaitlyn, on the date of this writing, Blogging is a relatively new phenomena. By the time you read this, dear Granddaughter, I’m thinking it will be a federal law that all school children maintain a Blog and, indeed, an hour of each school day will be dedicated to writing upon one’s own Blog. It is reading and writing, after all, Kaitlyn Mae.
Alas, Kaitlyn, do not make the mistake Grandmother made. A Blog is NOT a diary. Absolutely anyone in the universe can read a Blog absent passwords and such. This is when my trouble began. Mr. New York read my Blog.
Now Mr. New York, Grandmother’s neighbor to the left and a nasty fellow as Grandmother has determined though he greatly disagrees (more on this later) didn’t chance upon my Blog by accident. He happened to read about it in our local newspaper in which, tada Kaitlyn!, Grandmother’s Blog was featured.
Indeed I was very flattered when the reporter sent me an email requesting an interview. It is a local yokel paper after all and the reporterette was, oh about 19 years of age or so. In fact, the photographer they sent to the house was but a child but hey, Grandmother smiled and played along to their request that they have a picture of my pioneering self working on my computer. I suppose it made good copy and what they hell, I figured if it got people to my Blog site they might buy one of my books, featured on the Blog site. Writers, Kaitlyn, must be whores of the highest order.
To my surprise, the very front page of the July 4th edition of our resort newspaper had as its headline “What’s the Blog All About?” The reader was directed to Page 7 which had, ahem, a HUGE picture of Grandmother when Grandmother thinks she is already huge enough. But there I am, smiling and sitting in what is obviously the kitchen, computing and Blogging. The reporterette also quoted an extensive (and one of the better written) excerpt from the Blog.
Oh my.
Sometimes, Kaitlyn, in this grandmotherly missive to you, I forget those unkind things I say about my neighbors and various in-laws. Seems Mr. New York didn’t like being referred to as “awful” (see Blog Entry 05/19/2004 5:27 PM “Gardening Challenge at Serendipity Shore”). I also insulted the nasty people on the other side of me, Kaitlyn, but I don’t think they can read.
I’m going to explain just why I think they’re nasty people in a bit, Kaitlyn, but before I do, allow your pioneering Grandmother to give you an insight into what is going on here. Which would be, I submit, dialoguing via the Internet. For if Mr. New York read my Blog than perhaps he is reading this entry. Now for sure, Kaitlyn, I am going to tell my side of the story as well as include the obligatory moral lesson to my beloved Granddaughter.
The dogs were a problem from day one Kaitlyn, and allow Grandmother to state right here and now that the entire problem was the fault of your beloved Grandmother and her somewhat unimaginative husband. It is no crime, Kaitlyn, to admit you are wrong. Indeed in some parts of the world except Saudi Arabia, such introspection is considered a good thing.
We’d just moved and both of us were struggling with how to handle the dogs. Which did not, Kaitlyn, settle into a bucolic bliss in their new yard to romp happily and merrily within the confines of the tall fence and while exhibiting polite canine behavior. So I named it Serendipity Shore, Kaitlyn, but the dogs were not serendipitous at all.
Jo-Ann, the Belgian Shepherd that you might know very well one day soon, Kaitlyn, jumped the fence within the first week of our move. This required that we put Jo-Ann on a lead to keep her in her own yard. We did string a long affair across the yard but she kept getting tangled and after an hour on the lead she’d have about an inch of movement left. The little dog, Cleetus, who you may NEVER meet, Kaitlyn, sat at the sliding glass door and whined all day to come in. Our original intentions were that the dogs would spend their days outside, together and happy with warm, dry dog houses provided, and come in during the evening hours. It was how we kept them at Critter Cove though even then Jo-Ann had been jumping that cheap chain link.
Billy and I dearly love Jo-Ann and I would walk through fire should anything happen to her. But if I had it to do all over again I’d never, not ever, get the Belgian Malinois breed of dog. Kaitlyn, they had the pups at $150 a pop and the breeder told me, when I asked her what was a Belgian Malinois, that they were lively, intelligent and protective dogs. We’d been looking for a pup to replace our mongrel dog of 15 years, Gloria, the most wonderful dog ever to have existed on the planet.
Jo-Ann is not, Kaitlyn, another Gloria. This breed of dog, Kaitlyn, is not to be believed, just the strangest damn dogs on the planet. She ripped every planting out of my garden in Critter Cove, including some small trees. She was incredibly destructive, easily bored, and, in the understatement of all time, a handful.
We got Jo-Ann before we knew we were going to move. But once we knew we were going to move we naively figured the quieter area and larger fence would contain her.
Both dogs were a problem but we did keep them in the yard, Jo-Ann always on a lead after she jumped the fence. We tried to persevere, to force them to get used to the yard and spending the day in it. We never, ever, left them alone in the yard when we would be gone. We did, and this was the mistake, leave them in the yard and stay in the house, going on about our business.
Jo-Ann was the greater problem to the neighbors but Cleetus and his incessant whining was almost unbearable. Billy and I were both at an impasse. The dog situation was untenable yet we had no solution to the problem.
The climax to the impasse occurred one day when every dog in the neighborhood was barking at something, I don’t know what. Before that, Jo-Ann had somehow got out of her lead (I now know that the clasp has a bit of rust that unless checked, could remain open) and was jumping at the fence of our neighbors to our right, who have a little Jack Russell terrier that Jo-Ann wants to get to know. She didn’t jump the fence that day but she was carrying on and trying to climb the thing. I think she thought she was still on a lead- indeed the entire lead was trailing behind her but not attached to the clothesline affair-and didn’t try to do her flying leap thing because of it. Still she was snapping and snarling and the lady came over, rang the doorbell, and asked me to come get the dog.
Which I did, hooked her back up to line, and went inside. This is when the neighborhood bark fest began and Jo-Ann was by now in a total frenzy.
Both neighbors came out at me, yelling and screaming and ignoring my pleas to talk it over. Mr. New York, a charming fellow, told us he was going to send us back to Maryland I was sooooo scared, Kaitlyn.
It’s no mind what was said during all the yelling and screaming except, dear Kaitlyn, Grandmother did apologize profusely because, well I was damn sorry. I didn’t want my dogs making anyone’s life uncomfortable, much less the innocent who weren’t even stupid enough to buy her. It was more thoughtlessness than anything else that Billy and I were guilty of. We were so busy with moving and still with no solution for the dog problem, we failed to take note of how Jo-Ann’s frenzied barking and perhaps the fear that she might get loose again and come barreling over into a yard that wasn’t hers, made the neighbors mighty uncomfortable.
Okay, Grandmother’s got her guilt out of the way and will further rest on her proven laurels, sweet Granddaughter. Because since the incident, almost a year now, Billy and I have both taken complete control of these dogs. They are never left in the yard by themselves; one of us is always with them. The porch has a handy gate installed and they can sit on it with me but they cannot bark willy-nilly at people in the simple act of walking around their yards. Oh they still do it, Kaitlyn Mae, but they are quickly scolded as, tada, one of us is always with them. Jo-Ann still insists on going over to that fence and when she sees the little Jack Russell she goes nutso and gets herself into a frenzy trying to climb the fence. I don’t know if she can climb that fence. She used to be able to jump it fluidly but for her to do that now would require enough of a running leap that whoever was watching her could stop her in time. Now Jo-Ann does the sneaky thing and jumps up to peak over that fence when we might not be watching. Also, I don’t think Jo-Ann can jump like she did as a youth as a)she’s fatter and b)she has a bad hip. At any rate, Billy or I manage to pull her off the fence and her insane desire to get over there to the little dog. She has a perfectly good little dog on her side of the fence and while Cleetus has his faults (pay no attention to your father’s nasty comments), he knows how to play Jo-Ann like a violin. Cleetus plays with Jo-Ann all the time and those two are hilarious when they play. But no, Jo-Ann wants to get over the fence at the other little dog because, well I just don’t know why.
But we are trying to train her and every day she gets a little better. The rambunctious pup is only, as of this writing, a bit over a year old. And of a breed that no sane person should try to own.
Now about the neighbors. Mr. New York, Kaitlyn, has this very strange habit of getting drunk in mid of night. He will then either walk the streets of the community of stand out on his deck, and shout to the world. Sometimes, Kaitlyn, I can hear what he’s shouting and sometimes not. The dogs will, as dogs do when a drunk is in the middle of the street yelling in front of their house, bark. Understand that the dogs are properly in their bed and sleeping during this time but Mr. New York, he hears the dogs barking at his tirades and he takes umbrage. He then proceeds to cuss out our dogs, calls Billy names, shouts and screams some of the stupidest stuff.
I consider this awful behavior, Kaitlyn, and this is moral lesson number one from Grandmother. For we live in an age when it’s considered politically impolite to judge people. Go to hell, drunks shouting and screaming in front of your politely sleeping household is not a nice thing and by Grandmother, it’s very boorish behavior. Last night he stood in front of my house and told me he was going to make our lives a living hell for the rest of our lives. He carried on over the gardens, called me a liberal, all sorts of stuff they he read on this very Blog.
He was angry, sweet Kaitlyn, that I said he was awful. Kaitlyn, even if he reads this entry today, I still think he is an awful person because awful people get drunk, stand in front of your house, and yell and scream at your quiet and law abiding selves in the middle of the night. I’d call that pretty much the definition of the word “awful”. I won’t even go into his assertion that he was going to make us miserable the rest of our lives. This is moral lesson number two, Kaitlyn Mae: Nobody can make your life miserable. Only YOU can make your life miserable.
I have every intention of continuing to lead my law-abiding happy life in Serendipity Shore and guys like Mr. New York have no power to prevent me from my lawful pursuit of happiness as guaranteed by the constitution and my status as a citizen.
Okay, that bit about the drunken midnight screamfests gets in the way but Kaitlyn, he’ll stop it. I don’t know how and I don’t know when, but so help me God, he is going to stop that horrible behavior. Maybe he needs your Grandmother to take him on.
OR, he could just come on over and introduce himself. We could sit and talk. I’d love to hear about his experience in Vietnam and as a New York cop. It is possible, I submit Kaitlyn, for him to become just a normal neighbor. We don’t have to be bosom buddies and frankly, I’ve never been one to hobnob with the neighborhood. However, they gave me a party when we moved from Critter Cove, where we lived mostly in peace for fifteen years. Billy and I aren’t perfect but neighbors could do waaaaaay worse than us as adjacent living companions.
As for the folks on the other side, well they’re not so nice either. Not that I care because, again Kaitlyn, my happiness does not depend on living next to pleasant people. They are the ones that left a cowardly note, Kaitlyn, in our mailbox (which is against federal law I might add), that our lawn needed mowing. Which it did as our lawnmower was broke but this is no mind, Kaitlyn. Who made them arbiters of good taste?
Also, when we first moved here, before the dogs and the notes, Billy and I noticed that the people across the street were setting up for a yard sale. Then we notice our neighbors to the right were putting up those orange cone things along the street in front of their yard. Billy and I both commented as to how very small this was. They evidently didn’t want yard sale patrons parking on the public street in front of their house.
So it’s not all Serendipity Shore here, Kaitlyn, but it is really nice. And Grandmother is very happy here and will continue to be so no matter how hard Mr. New York tries to make it miserable. He’s already such a miserable human being that I pity him. Kaitlyn, only mean and miserable human beings strive to bring misery to others. Genuinely happy people only want all around them to be as happy as them.
There’s a lot of laws being broken in all of this Kaitlyn, but Grandmother wisely has just ignored the pettiness around her. I will hold my head high, smile, and be pleasant at all times. I will do my duty and contain my errant dogs and for the most part, my yard and gardens are as lovely as anyone’s.
Given a choice between being around a happy person or a miserable one, Kaitlyn, who do you think most normal people would pick?
Tuesday
Tried and True Recipes
7/19/2004
Recipe Critiques
It’s that time again when grandmother posts recipes and gives her honest critique of the result. Copy those that you may like or follow grandmother’s suggestions and prepare only those she liked.
++++++
Banana Cream Delight
3/4 c. (1 1/2 sticks) butter or margarine
1/2 c. flour
2/3 c. finely chopped walnuts
1(8 oz) pkg. cream cheese; softened
1 cup powdered sugar
1(8 oz) container frozen whipped topping(evenly divided)
3 cups milk
1 (small pkg.)banana cream flavor instant pudding
2 bananas
Preheat oven to 350. In medium bowl, cream margarine and flour. Add walnuts, and blend thoroughly. Press into the bottom of an ungreased 9x13" baking dish. Bake for 30 minutes. Let cool.Mix cream cheese with powdered sugar then add 4 ounces frozen topping and blend. Spread mixture over cooled crust. In medium bowl, whisk milk and pudding mix for 2 minutes. Pour over cheese mixture.Slice bananas and place on top of pudding. Carefully spread remaining 4 ounces of frozen whipped topping over all. Refrigerate for several hours before serving
+++++
Rating, out of possible 5=4.8
Husband LOVES this concoction and it is simple enough to make. I’d consider using a prepared graham cracker crust instead of baking one as the recipe instructs. I am not a big fan of these kind of things thus a deduction of .2 from perfect.
++++++
IMPOSSIBLE CHEESEBURGER PIE
1 pound ground beef
1 large onion, chopped (1 cup)
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 cup shredded Cheddar cheese (4 ounces)
1/2 cup Original Bisquick
1 cup milk
2 eggs
Preheat oven to 400 degrees F. Grease a 9 inch pie plate. Cook beef andonion until beef is brown; drain. Spread in pie plate; sprinkle withsalt and cheese. Stir in remaining ingredients until blended. Pour intopie plate. Bake about 25 mins or until knife inserted in center comesout clean. Cool 5 mins.+++++
Rating out of possible 5=3.5
These sort of “impossible” pies were all the rage once and the recipes were generally found on boxes of Bisquick. The notion is that the “crust” bakes up like magic and in the process embraces the ingredients in the recipe. Which does happen in this recipe but I was a bit unimpressed with the results. Remembering that I am adult. Kids will love this recipe.
+++++
Lemonade Cake
1 box Duncan Hines yellow cake mix
1 sm. box lemon Jello
3/4 c. boiling water
4 eggs
3/4 c. Crisco oil
1 sm. can frozen lemonade
1/2 c. sugar
Mix Jello and boiling water until dissolved. Let cool. In large bowl mixcake mix, eggs, oil and Jello mixture. Mix with a spoon, not a mixer.Spray bundt pan with Baker's Joy. Spoon in cake mixture.Bake at 325degrees for 1 hour, without opening oven door.In a small bowl mix frozenlemonade and sugar together. Then pour or spoon over cake as soon as itcomes out of the oven. Then allow to cool before cutting.++++
Rating-out of a possible 5=5
I’m giving this cake the entire five point rating because, well I ate every piece of it though it took ten days. Still, it’s simple, moist and yes it uses a pre-packaged cake mix (I did not use Duncan Hines; I used what I had on hand) but the tweaking in the recipe is a fine one.
I skipped the part with the frozen lemonade “icing” because I was too lazy. Instead I sprinkled some confectioners’ sugar over the bundt cake and it was good, moist and not overly sweet.
+++++
Greek Pastitsio
1 1/2 lb. ground beef
1/4 tsp. pepper
8 oz. elbow macaroni
1/8 tsp. cinnamon
3 Tbsp. butter or margarine
1/8 tsp. oregano
1/4 cup flour
1 (10 3/4 oz.) can tomato puree
3 cups milk
1 lg. onion, finely chopped
3 eggs
1 tsp. salt
1/2 cup grated parmesan cheese
Prepare macaroni according to directions. Rinse with cold water; drain.Stir flour into melted butter in a heavy saucepan. Gradually stir inmilk & cook until thickened, stirring occasionally. Cover & cool thewhite sauce. Brown the ground beef & onion in a large fry pan. Pour offdrippings. Sprinkle salt, pepper, cinnamon, & oregano over beef. Stir intomato puree & cook slowly for 10 mins. Beat together egg, & 1/3 cup ofparmesan cheese. Gently stir in macaroni. Gradually stir in 2 cups ofthe white sauce into the macaroni mixture. Place 1/2 macaroni mixtureinto a buttered 11-3/4 x 7-1/2 inch baking dish. Spoon beef mixture inan even layer over macaroni. Place remaining macaroni mixture over thebeef. Pour remaining white sauce over the top. Bake in moderate 375°F. oven for 20 mins. Sprinkle with remaining parmesan cheese, & continuebaking 20-25 mins, or until knife inserted in center comes out clean.Let stand 15 mins before cutting into squares. Makes 6 servings.* you can also substitute 1/4 tsp. nutmeg for 1/4 tsp. cinnamon - i findit comes out less "sweet" tasting this way. **Can be doubled**++++
Rating out of a possible 5=4
When I first saw this recipe I knew I would like it. And I did. Except, not so much as I thought at first. I wanted the noodles to have more of a béchamel type taste. Frankly I think the result of the recipe is not worth the work involved in preparation though I’d keep the recipe on hand when Greek friends come to dinner.
++++++
Sicilian Meat Roll
3/4 cup bread crumbs
2 beaten eggs
1/2 cup tomato juice
2 tablespoons snipped parsley
1/2 teaspoon oregano, crushed
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon pepper
1 small clove garlic, minced
2 pounds lean ground beef
8 thin slices boiled ham
6 ozs. (2 cups) shredded mozzarella
Combine eggs, bread crumbs, tomato juice, parsley, oregano, salt, pepperand garlic. Stir in ground beef, mixing well. On foil or waxed paper,pat meat into a 12 x 10 inch rectangle. Arrange ham slices atop meat,leaving a small margin around edges. Sprinkle shredded cheese over ham.Starting from short end, carefully roll up meat, using foil or paper tolift; seal edges and ends. Place roll, seam side down, in 13 x 9 x 2inch baking pan. Bake in 350F oven for 1 hr, 15 mins or till done.(Center of meat will be pink due to ham.) Place cheese wedges over topof roll; return to oven for 5 mins or till cheese melts. +++++
Rating out of possible 5=4.6
This is a great way to serve a “meatloaf” kind of meal with a little pizzazz. Also makes great sandwiches. Put this recipe in your “dependable” file.
++++++
Egg Noodle Lasagne
6-1/2 cups uncooked wide egg noodles
3 tblspoons butter
1-1/2 pounds ground beef
2 ¼ cups spaghetti sauce
6 ounces process cheese (velveeta) cubed
3 cups (12 ounces) shredded mozzarella cheese
Cook noodles according to package directions; drain. Add butter and toss to coat. In a skillet, cook beef over medium heat until no longer pink; drain. Spread a fourth of the spaghetti sauce in an ungreased 5 qt. sLow cooker. Layer with a third of the noodles, a third of the beef, a third of the remaining sauce and a third of the cheeses. Repeat layers twice.
Cover and cook on low for 4 hours or until cheese is melted and lasagna is heated through. Yield: 12-16 servings.
++++
Rating out of possible 5-4.3
I love pasta and believe firmly that no-carb diets should be outlawed. This pasta meal, hey it was easy to make and kids would love it.
Though I like it too, I was bored with it after the first eating. I do cook for only myself and my husband and re-heating comprises quite a bit of my cooking skills. Not that I’m proud of that.
But I can cook a big batch of my spaghetti and eat it all week. This dish didn’t appeal after the first tasting. But yes, I’d make it again for its simplicity.
Recipe Critiques
It’s that time again when grandmother posts recipes and gives her honest critique of the result. Copy those that you may like or follow grandmother’s suggestions and prepare only those she liked.
++++++
Banana Cream Delight
3/4 c. (1 1/2 sticks) butter or margarine
1/2 c. flour
2/3 c. finely chopped walnuts
1(8 oz) pkg. cream cheese; softened
1 cup powdered sugar
1(8 oz) container frozen whipped topping(evenly divided)
3 cups milk
1 (small pkg.)banana cream flavor instant pudding
2 bananas
Preheat oven to 350. In medium bowl, cream margarine and flour. Add walnuts, and blend thoroughly. Press into the bottom of an ungreased 9x13" baking dish. Bake for 30 minutes. Let cool.Mix cream cheese with powdered sugar then add 4 ounces frozen topping and blend. Spread mixture over cooled crust. In medium bowl, whisk milk and pudding mix for 2 minutes. Pour over cheese mixture.Slice bananas and place on top of pudding. Carefully spread remaining 4 ounces of frozen whipped topping over all. Refrigerate for several hours before serving
+++++
Rating, out of possible 5=4.8
Husband LOVES this concoction and it is simple enough to make. I’d consider using a prepared graham cracker crust instead of baking one as the recipe instructs. I am not a big fan of these kind of things thus a deduction of .2 from perfect.
++++++
IMPOSSIBLE CHEESEBURGER PIE
1 pound ground beef
1 large onion, chopped (1 cup)
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 cup shredded Cheddar cheese (4 ounces)
1/2 cup Original Bisquick
1 cup milk
2 eggs
Preheat oven to 400 degrees F. Grease a 9 inch pie plate. Cook beef andonion until beef is brown; drain. Spread in pie plate; sprinkle withsalt and cheese. Stir in remaining ingredients until blended. Pour intopie plate. Bake about 25 mins or until knife inserted in center comesout clean. Cool 5 mins.+++++
Rating out of possible 5=3.5
These sort of “impossible” pies were all the rage once and the recipes were generally found on boxes of Bisquick. The notion is that the “crust” bakes up like magic and in the process embraces the ingredients in the recipe. Which does happen in this recipe but I was a bit unimpressed with the results. Remembering that I am adult. Kids will love this recipe.
+++++
Lemonade Cake
1 box Duncan Hines yellow cake mix
1 sm. box lemon Jello
3/4 c. boiling water
4 eggs
3/4 c. Crisco oil
1 sm. can frozen lemonade
1/2 c. sugar
Mix Jello and boiling water until dissolved. Let cool. In large bowl mixcake mix, eggs, oil and Jello mixture. Mix with a spoon, not a mixer.Spray bundt pan with Baker's Joy. Spoon in cake mixture.Bake at 325degrees for 1 hour, without opening oven door.In a small bowl mix frozenlemonade and sugar together. Then pour or spoon over cake as soon as itcomes out of the oven. Then allow to cool before cutting.++++
Rating-out of a possible 5=5
I’m giving this cake the entire five point rating because, well I ate every piece of it though it took ten days. Still, it’s simple, moist and yes it uses a pre-packaged cake mix (I did not use Duncan Hines; I used what I had on hand) but the tweaking in the recipe is a fine one.
I skipped the part with the frozen lemonade “icing” because I was too lazy. Instead I sprinkled some confectioners’ sugar over the bundt cake and it was good, moist and not overly sweet.
+++++
Greek Pastitsio
1 1/2 lb. ground beef
1/4 tsp. pepper
8 oz. elbow macaroni
1/8 tsp. cinnamon
3 Tbsp. butter or margarine
1/8 tsp. oregano
1/4 cup flour
1 (10 3/4 oz.) can tomato puree
3 cups milk
1 lg. onion, finely chopped
3 eggs
1 tsp. salt
1/2 cup grated parmesan cheese
Prepare macaroni according to directions. Rinse with cold water; drain.Stir flour into melted butter in a heavy saucepan. Gradually stir inmilk & cook until thickened, stirring occasionally. Cover & cool thewhite sauce. Brown the ground beef & onion in a large fry pan. Pour offdrippings. Sprinkle salt, pepper, cinnamon, & oregano over beef. Stir intomato puree & cook slowly for 10 mins. Beat together egg, & 1/3 cup ofparmesan cheese. Gently stir in macaroni. Gradually stir in 2 cups ofthe white sauce into the macaroni mixture. Place 1/2 macaroni mixtureinto a buttered 11-3/4 x 7-1/2 inch baking dish. Spoon beef mixture inan even layer over macaroni. Place remaining macaroni mixture over thebeef. Pour remaining white sauce over the top. Bake in moderate 375°F. oven for 20 mins. Sprinkle with remaining parmesan cheese, & continuebaking 20-25 mins, or until knife inserted in center comes out clean.Let stand 15 mins before cutting into squares. Makes 6 servings.* you can also substitute 1/4 tsp. nutmeg for 1/4 tsp. cinnamon - i findit comes out less "sweet" tasting this way. **Can be doubled**++++
Rating out of a possible 5=4
When I first saw this recipe I knew I would like it. And I did. Except, not so much as I thought at first. I wanted the noodles to have more of a béchamel type taste. Frankly I think the result of the recipe is not worth the work involved in preparation though I’d keep the recipe on hand when Greek friends come to dinner.
++++++
Sicilian Meat Roll
3/4 cup bread crumbs
2 beaten eggs
1/2 cup tomato juice
2 tablespoons snipped parsley
1/2 teaspoon oregano, crushed
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon pepper
1 small clove garlic, minced
2 pounds lean ground beef
8 thin slices boiled ham
6 ozs. (2 cups) shredded mozzarella
Combine eggs, bread crumbs, tomato juice, parsley, oregano, salt, pepperand garlic. Stir in ground beef, mixing well. On foil or waxed paper,pat meat into a 12 x 10 inch rectangle. Arrange ham slices atop meat,leaving a small margin around edges. Sprinkle shredded cheese over ham.Starting from short end, carefully roll up meat, using foil or paper tolift; seal edges and ends. Place roll, seam side down, in 13 x 9 x 2inch baking pan. Bake in 350F oven for 1 hr, 15 mins or till done.(Center of meat will be pink due to ham.) Place cheese wedges over topof roll; return to oven for 5 mins or till cheese melts. +++++
Rating out of possible 5=4.6
This is a great way to serve a “meatloaf” kind of meal with a little pizzazz. Also makes great sandwiches. Put this recipe in your “dependable” file.
++++++
Egg Noodle Lasagne
6-1/2 cups uncooked wide egg noodles
3 tblspoons butter
1-1/2 pounds ground beef
2 ¼ cups spaghetti sauce
6 ounces process cheese (velveeta) cubed
3 cups (12 ounces) shredded mozzarella cheese
Cook noodles according to package directions; drain. Add butter and toss to coat. In a skillet, cook beef over medium heat until no longer pink; drain. Spread a fourth of the spaghetti sauce in an ungreased 5 qt. sLow cooker. Layer with a third of the noodles, a third of the beef, a third of the remaining sauce and a third of the cheeses. Repeat layers twice.
Cover and cook on low for 4 hours or until cheese is melted and lasagna is heated through. Yield: 12-16 servings.
++++
Rating out of possible 5-4.3
I love pasta and believe firmly that no-carb diets should be outlawed. This pasta meal, hey it was easy to make and kids would love it.
Though I like it too, I was bored with it after the first eating. I do cook for only myself and my husband and re-heating comprises quite a bit of my cooking skills. Not that I’m proud of that.
But I can cook a big batch of my spaghetti and eat it all week. This dish didn’t appeal after the first tasting. But yes, I’d make it again for its simplicity.
Saturday
Iraqi Freedom-Part 2
07/06/2004
Iraq Freedom, Part 2
It’s been almost two weeks since Iraq has taken over control of its own government and crossing fingers, it seems to be going well. The new Prime Minister, Somebody, Somebody Allawi is allegedly a no-nonsense take-charge kind of fellow. Already he is directing American forces to strike in the hot bed of Fallujah to drive the foreign terrorists out of the country.
Yes, Iraq will be protected for quite a while by the army of the Coalition Provisional Authority, but the plan is to have NATO train the fledgling Iraqi forces. Which is the simple reason why I think control of Iraq was turned over to that country a few days early. At the time, Kaitlyn Mae, Bush Dubya was meeting in Turkey with NATO and any agreements reached at that time would be better received and void of additional paperwork if all agreements of the meeting were made between the new Iraqi government and NATO. Not the CPA and NATO as how it would have had to be if Iraq not had their own official government.
Okay, putting Iraq aside, Kaitlyn, as by the time you read this you might well have already spent your honeymoon in Baghdad and can’t relate to Grandmother’s words. But if you do honeymoon in Baghdad, Kaitlyn, may you see other young women like yourself. Without Burquas. May the streets be as calm and free as ours save your oddball criminal or two. May there be a grand Disney Flying Carpet World, the greatest and most technologically advanced Disney in the world. The feature ride at the Iraq Disney World will be a huge oriental flying carpet that actually goes up beyond the ozone layer (which WILL still be there in your future, Kaitlyn) and actually circles the entire mideast.
At this time, Kaitlyn, this mythical future of yours will not happen unless great Iraqi men step up to the plate and put their own selves aside to build a greater future.
Not possible, you say Kaitlyn?
Yes it most certainly is.
For this country just recently celebrated July 4th and I noted across the fruited plains absolutely everyone recognized the holiday in some American fashion. Even the very liberal Massachusetts held a wonderful Boston Pops session and had an enviable fireworks display. We may just have a barbecue with family, Kaitlyn, or we may sleep and watch movies like Grandmother. But we know what the holiday means, us silly Americans, and we celebrate it with waving flag and happy smiles.
The Independence Day of Iraq will be 6/29. Try to plan your honeymoon around that day, Kaitlyn. Because if all goes well I’m betting the Iraqi people will put American Independence Day Celebrations to shame.
Iraq Freedom, Part 2
It’s been almost two weeks since Iraq has taken over control of its own government and crossing fingers, it seems to be going well. The new Prime Minister, Somebody, Somebody Allawi is allegedly a no-nonsense take-charge kind of fellow. Already he is directing American forces to strike in the hot bed of Fallujah to drive the foreign terrorists out of the country.
Yes, Iraq will be protected for quite a while by the army of the Coalition Provisional Authority, but the plan is to have NATO train the fledgling Iraqi forces. Which is the simple reason why I think control of Iraq was turned over to that country a few days early. At the time, Kaitlyn Mae, Bush Dubya was meeting in Turkey with NATO and any agreements reached at that time would be better received and void of additional paperwork if all agreements of the meeting were made between the new Iraqi government and NATO. Not the CPA and NATO as how it would have had to be if Iraq not had their own official government.
Okay, putting Iraq aside, Kaitlyn, as by the time you read this you might well have already spent your honeymoon in Baghdad and can’t relate to Grandmother’s words. But if you do honeymoon in Baghdad, Kaitlyn, may you see other young women like yourself. Without Burquas. May the streets be as calm and free as ours save your oddball criminal or two. May there be a grand Disney Flying Carpet World, the greatest and most technologically advanced Disney in the world. The feature ride at the Iraq Disney World will be a huge oriental flying carpet that actually goes up beyond the ozone layer (which WILL still be there in your future, Kaitlyn) and actually circles the entire mideast.
At this time, Kaitlyn, this mythical future of yours will not happen unless great Iraqi men step up to the plate and put their own selves aside to build a greater future.
Not possible, you say Kaitlyn?
Yes it most certainly is.
For this country just recently celebrated July 4th and I noted across the fruited plains absolutely everyone recognized the holiday in some American fashion. Even the very liberal Massachusetts held a wonderful Boston Pops session and had an enviable fireworks display. We may just have a barbecue with family, Kaitlyn, or we may sleep and watch movies like Grandmother. But we know what the holiday means, us silly Americans, and we celebrate it with waving flag and happy smiles.
The Independence Day of Iraq will be 6/29. Try to plan your honeymoon around that day, Kaitlyn. Because if all goes well I’m betting the Iraqi people will put American Independence Day Celebrations to shame.
Tuesday
Good Luck Iraq
6/28/2004
Good Luck, Iraq
On this date, Kaitlyn Mae, at the ungodly hour of 2 am in the morning and that’s Iraq time, the Coalition Provisional Authority turned over the running of that country to its own people. Grandmother thought this was a perfect time to record her thoughts on the matter as I have plenty of opinions, as well as note the general mean-spirited reactions of the liberals. I will also, Kaitlyn Mae, give you grandmother’s reason why the turnover occurred 2 days before the scheduled date, which is also very likely the real reason, no mind the silly pundit speculation.
For God knows how many endless years a tyrant, idiot and despot named Saddam Hussein and his Baathest regime of thugs ruled Iraq. This man, Kaitlyn, he was always nothing but trouble, invading his neighbor Kuwait, attacking his other neighbor Iran, killing hundreds of thousands of his own Kurdish citizens. The House of Saud have been terrified of him and the entire region ruled by thugs and imbeciles has been a source of world unrest. Not that, silly me Kaitlyn, that organization called the United Nations should be the tool to help straighten this mess out. Instead, the UN throws itself behind the imbeciles running the asylums and major UN players help themselves to billions of dollars from its own human-aid “food for oil” program. This dictator, Kaitlyn, had two evil spawn for sons whose crimes, sheesh, let’s just thank Allah that these two are dead.
Now Kaitlyn, grandmother has often wondered why a peoples, in the case the Iraqi people but there are plenty of other examples currently in the world, allow themselves to be taken over and ruled completely by such thievish and evil people. Why don’t they fight back, I often ask?
I suppose it’s easy to cast aspersions from the perspective of an American, a country where such a thing is, truly, unthinkable. It’s why we have liberals and conservatives and a representative government. Which is the only purpose liberals serve, Kaitlyn, but beyond that they are of little use.
But okay, while their backs were turned a mean man, someone the equivalent of, say, Charles Manson, takes over the government and has all the guns and controls the army. Now the Iraqi people are stuck. The evil man has chemicals and has murdered by the thousands before. For too long to consider common sense, the world has put up with this guy even knowing that his two equally evil sons were coming up the rear. You can fool some of the people all of the time, Kaitlyn, and all of the people some of the time, but you cannot, as Abe Lincoln said, fool all of the people all of the time. After 9/11, the United States of America decided an evil troll like Saddam Hussein should not be allowed to exploit that country’s oil wealth to obtain nasty weapons to lob at us, murder Americans by the millions and who knows, with a lucky break maybe actually gain control of the entire United States of America. Saddamn could then appoint Qusay as President and Ousay as VP. It could happen.
Now almost four hundred American soldiers have lost their lives freeing Iraq from this worthless human being, found, Kaitlyn, in a tiny urine-filled dirt hole oh why did the world tolerate this man for so long? Today, the CPA, those countries that went into Iraq with us, Kaitlyn, no matter how pitiful their contribution, turned that country over to its own citizens and God Bless Iraq, grandmother wishes that brave little country well.
I do, however, have my doubts.
Arabs, Kaitlyn, are superb liars and as politically incorrect as such a statement may seem, I say it as a form of admiration. I suspect their very survival has, often, depended on deception and the ability to create an alternate reality. They are mostly ruled by inbred princes and despots of the highest order, who probably lied and deceived their way to power. Then the populace has to lie about their loyalty to the lovely thug lest they be thrown into the shredder. Then the ruler has to lie to the young people growing up that they don’t get any ideas about freedom and silly nonsense that would separate the thieves and dictators from the oil wealth.
Forming this new government, Kaitlyn, is going to require a lot of honesty and truth. The Iraqi people are going to have to look deep in their souls and really take a stand. While Iraq has the luxury of the most expert of help and guidance in Great Britain and the United States, in the end it will be on them and since America will be watching all of this closely, the worst we’ll let happen is an Iraq still governed by whatever thug or thief can work his way to the top. Using the religion of Islam, as they always do, as the most potent form of control. At best, at the very best and grandmother’s greatest hope, the Iraqis will understand that the only fair way to govern is to give everyone an equal voice based on their representation. And, most important, the Iraqis have to understand that everyone will not always get their way.
To be continued.
Good Luck, Iraq
On this date, Kaitlyn Mae, at the ungodly hour of 2 am in the morning and that’s Iraq time, the Coalition Provisional Authority turned over the running of that country to its own people. Grandmother thought this was a perfect time to record her thoughts on the matter as I have plenty of opinions, as well as note the general mean-spirited reactions of the liberals. I will also, Kaitlyn Mae, give you grandmother’s reason why the turnover occurred 2 days before the scheduled date, which is also very likely the real reason, no mind the silly pundit speculation.
For God knows how many endless years a tyrant, idiot and despot named Saddam Hussein and his Baathest regime of thugs ruled Iraq. This man, Kaitlyn, he was always nothing but trouble, invading his neighbor Kuwait, attacking his other neighbor Iran, killing hundreds of thousands of his own Kurdish citizens. The House of Saud have been terrified of him and the entire region ruled by thugs and imbeciles has been a source of world unrest. Not that, silly me Kaitlyn, that organization called the United Nations should be the tool to help straighten this mess out. Instead, the UN throws itself behind the imbeciles running the asylums and major UN players help themselves to billions of dollars from its own human-aid “food for oil” program. This dictator, Kaitlyn, had two evil spawn for sons whose crimes, sheesh, let’s just thank Allah that these two are dead.
Now Kaitlyn, grandmother has often wondered why a peoples, in the case the Iraqi people but there are plenty of other examples currently in the world, allow themselves to be taken over and ruled completely by such thievish and evil people. Why don’t they fight back, I often ask?
I suppose it’s easy to cast aspersions from the perspective of an American, a country where such a thing is, truly, unthinkable. It’s why we have liberals and conservatives and a representative government. Which is the only purpose liberals serve, Kaitlyn, but beyond that they are of little use.
But okay, while their backs were turned a mean man, someone the equivalent of, say, Charles Manson, takes over the government and has all the guns and controls the army. Now the Iraqi people are stuck. The evil man has chemicals and has murdered by the thousands before. For too long to consider common sense, the world has put up with this guy even knowing that his two equally evil sons were coming up the rear. You can fool some of the people all of the time, Kaitlyn, and all of the people some of the time, but you cannot, as Abe Lincoln said, fool all of the people all of the time. After 9/11, the United States of America decided an evil troll like Saddam Hussein should not be allowed to exploit that country’s oil wealth to obtain nasty weapons to lob at us, murder Americans by the millions and who knows, with a lucky break maybe actually gain control of the entire United States of America. Saddamn could then appoint Qusay as President and Ousay as VP. It could happen.
Now almost four hundred American soldiers have lost their lives freeing Iraq from this worthless human being, found, Kaitlyn, in a tiny urine-filled dirt hole oh why did the world tolerate this man for so long? Today, the CPA, those countries that went into Iraq with us, Kaitlyn, no matter how pitiful their contribution, turned that country over to its own citizens and God Bless Iraq, grandmother wishes that brave little country well.
I do, however, have my doubts.
Arabs, Kaitlyn, are superb liars and as politically incorrect as such a statement may seem, I say it as a form of admiration. I suspect their very survival has, often, depended on deception and the ability to create an alternate reality. They are mostly ruled by inbred princes and despots of the highest order, who probably lied and deceived their way to power. Then the populace has to lie about their loyalty to the lovely thug lest they be thrown into the shredder. Then the ruler has to lie to the young people growing up that they don’t get any ideas about freedom and silly nonsense that would separate the thieves and dictators from the oil wealth.
Forming this new government, Kaitlyn, is going to require a lot of honesty and truth. The Iraqi people are going to have to look deep in their souls and really take a stand. While Iraq has the luxury of the most expert of help and guidance in Great Britain and the United States, in the end it will be on them and since America will be watching all of this closely, the worst we’ll let happen is an Iraq still governed by whatever thug or thief can work his way to the top. Using the religion of Islam, as they always do, as the most potent form of control. At best, at the very best and grandmother’s greatest hope, the Iraqis will understand that the only fair way to govern is to give everyone an equal voice based on their representation. And, most important, the Iraqis have to understand that everyone will not always get their way.
To be continued.
Friday
Recipe Critiques
07/06/2004
Cooking for Kaitlyn
++++++++++++
And so my sweet Kaitlyn, via this book to you I will try to convey what I know about cooking and what I don’t know. Via the Internet I belong to a recipe newsgroup. The recipes fly through my in-box fast and furious and I dutifully save those I think might be worth a try.
Well I tried some Kaitlyn, and below is a list of the recipes I have tried from this newsgroup as well as the flaws and praises of each.
-----------------
Beer Bread
3 cups self rising flour
1/4 cup sugar
1 (12 ounce) bottle of beer, light or dark
Stir together all ingredients, spoon into lightly greased loaf pan, 8
1/2 by 4 1/2 . Bake at 375 degrees for 55 to 60 minutes or until golden
brown. Cool in pan on rack for 5 minutes. Remove from pan and cool on
wire rack.
COMMENTS: Wow, I liked this quick and easy way to bake bread. The bread comes out coarse and heavy but that is just how I like it. This makes great thickly-sliced toast. Rating-out of a possible 5= 4.5
-------
Seasoned parmesan rolls
1-1/2 cups warm milk (70-80) degrees.
2 tablespoons butter, softened
1 tablespoon sugar
½ cup grated parmesan cheese
1 tablespoon dried minced onion
2 teaspoons seafood seasoning
4 cups bread flour
4 teaspoons active dry yeast
In bread machine pan, place all ingredients in order suggested by manufacturer. Select dough setting (check dough after 5 minutes of mixing; add 1 to 2 tablespoons of water or flour if needed).
When cycle is completed, turn dough onto a lightly floured surface. Divide into 24 portions; shape each into a ball. Place 3 in apart on greased baking sheets. Cover and let rise in a warm place until doubled, about 30 minutes. Bake at 350 deg for 15-20 minutes or until lightly browned. Remove to wire racks.
COMMENTS: This one is the best recipes of all that I’ve tried from the recipe group. Of course one must have a bread machine to make but for a change from the standard loaf, these rolls can’t be beat. I made the balls of dough quite large (only a dozen by the time I was done) and they make great hamburger/sandwich buns. Rating-out of a possible 5 = 5
------------
Choco-Orange Diamonds
1 cup butter, softened
1-2/3 cups sugar
1/4 teaspoon salt
3 eggs
1 egg yolk
3 teaspoons finely shredded orange peel (set aside) 1/2 cup orange juice
1-1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1/2 cup finely chopped pecans
4 eggs, lightly beaten
3 tablespoons all-purpose flour
8 ounce bittersweet chocolate, finely chopped
1-1/2 cups chopped pecans
3 ounces bittersweet chocolate, melted and cooled
Preheat oven to 350 degree F. In a large mixing bowl beat butter with an
electric mixer on medium to high speed for 30 secs. Add 2/3 cup of the
sugar and salt; beat until combined. Add the 3 eggs and the yolk, one at
a time, beating well after each addition. Beat in 1/4 cup of the orange
juice until combined. Add the 1-1/2 cups flour; beat until combined.
Stir in 1 teaspoon of the orange peel and the 1/2 cup finely chopped
pecans. Spread in a greased 15x10x1-inch baking pan. Bake for 15 mins or
until lightly browned (mixture may puff, but will fall when removed from
oven).Meanwhile, in a bowl use a wire whisk to combine the 4 eggs,
remaining 1 cup sugar, remaining 2 teaspoons peel, remaining 1/4 cup
orange juice, and the 3 tablespoons flour until smooth. Stir in finely
chopped chocolate and 1-1/2 cups nuts. Spread over hot crust. Return to
oven. Bake for 15 to 17 mins more or until set. Cool in pan on rack.
Drizzle bars with melted chocolate. Cut into diamonds. Rating: out of a possible 5=3.5
COMMENTS: This recipe was a bit of work for what I consider only so-so results. I thought the result to be a bit dry for all the butter and eggs needed for the recipe.
--------
Crispy Herbed Baked Chicken
Ingredients:
2/3 cup Hungry Jack® Mashed Potato Flakes
1/3 cup grated Parmesan cheese
3/4 to 1 teaspoon garlic salt
1 (3 to 3 1/2-lb.) cut-up frying chicken, skinned if
desired
1/3 cup margarine or butter, melted
Preparation Directions:
1. Heat oven to 375°F. Grease or line with foil and
grease 15x10x1-inch baking pan or 13x9-inch pan. In
medium bowl, combine potato flakes, Parmesan cheese
and garlic salt; stir until well mixed. Dip chicken
pieces into margarine; roll in potato flake mixture to
coat. Place in greased pan. Bake at 375°F. for 45 to
60 minutes or until chicken is fork-tender and juices
run clear. Rating: out of a possible 5=4
Serving size:
4 to 5 servings
COMMENTS: This is a right easy and quick way to bake up some crispy chicken without the bother of deep fry. I’d make it again.
--------
Kahlua Cake
One package chocolate cake mix
One small package instant vanilla pudding mix
½ cup Kahlua liqueur-use coffee
3/4cup vegetable oil
Four eggs
16 oz. of sour cream
One package chocolate chips
Mix and fold (Do NOT beat) into greased and floured* bundt pan. Bake for
an hour at 350 degrees. Let rest 25 minutes, turn onto a plate and sprinkle
with powdered sugar. This cake is also good cold. Can be wrapped and frozen for
up to 6 months. Rating-out of a possible 5 = 4.2
COMMENTS: VIOLATION! VIOLATION! VIOLATION! Notice there are NO indications of ounce size save the sour cream. Do you know how many sizes packages of chocolate chips come in? What is a “small” package? Anyway, this is a good cake (I finally bought the smallest sizes of pudding and chips available but I was a bit miffed at the omission of this very important detail). I used coffee (see note) instead of Kahlua because I was not about to buy a whole bottle of Kahlua to make it. This did turn out to be a very good cake. It would be an excellent party or potluck cake. It does not need frosting.
-------
Oven-Barbecued Farmer-Style Pork Ribs
2-3 lbs. farmer style pork ribs, bone in if possible
1 tsp. paprika
1 tsp. chili powder
1 tsp. Poultry Seasoning
1 tsp. fennel seed
1 tsp. freshly ground black pepper
1 tsp. salt, or to taste (I use a little less.)
1 small onion, sliced very thinly
15 oz. canned tomato sauce
1 cup water
3 tsp. sugar
Preheat oven to 325°.Trim as much fat off the meat as you can. Put
into a pan that will hold the ribs in a single layer. (I use the pyrex
11 X 13.) Mix the spices together well. Sprinkle over both sides of the
meat. Cover meat with onions, then pour tomato sauce and water over all.
Sprinkle with sugar. ( I use Splenda.) Cook for 2 - 2 1/2
hrs,uncovered, turning ribs about every 30 mins. If the sauce gets too
thick, pour a little water in to thin it, but the sauce should be thick
enough to cling to ribs at the end of the cooking time. The ribs will be
falling off the bone and very tender. Number Of Servings: 5-6 Rating-out of a possible 5= 4.5
COMMENTS: This is an excellent way to prepare country style ribs without all the bother of firing up the barbecue.
------
Baked Stuffed Pork Tenderloin
===========================================================
Ingredients:
1/2 cup chopped onion
1/2 cup chopped celery
1 1/2 cups chicken broth, fat removed
6 cups (6 oz.) packaged unseasoned stuffing mix (cubes)
1/2 tsp. dried sage
1/2 tsp. dried thyme
1/8 tsp. dried marjoram
1 lb. pork tenderloin
1 tsp. dried parsley
1/4 tsp. salt (optional)
1/8 tsp. pepper
Directions:
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. In a large saucepan, combine
onion, celery and broth. Simmer, covered, on low until vegetables
are soft. Add stuffing mix, thyme, sage, and marjoram. Mix well
until blended. Set aside.
Slice pork into 1/4" slices. Arrange half of the slices in an
8" x 8" pan that has been sprayed with non-stick cooking spray.
Top with the stuffing. Place remaining pork slices on stuffing.
Sprinkle with remaining seasonings. Cover with aluminum foil.
Bake for 30 minutes or until pork is no longer pink.
Serves 4. Rating: out of a possible 5-3.8
COMMENTS: This looked like a good recipe upon first sight. Alas, the result was not so great. Though I would imagine kids would like this thanksgiving kind of dish. Husband and I both found it not to our liking.
-------
watermelon pie
1 can sweetened condensed milk
4 ounces frozen whipped topping
1/4 cup lime juice
2 cups watermelon balls
1 9-inch graham cracker crust
Fold together milk and topping. Add lime juice.
Fold in watermelon balls, reserving about 5 balls for garnish. Pour into
graham cracker crust. Place remaining watermelon balls on pie to
garnish. Chill at least 2 hrs before serving. Rating-out of a possible 5-2.5.
--------
COMMENTS: First let me say that husband, pie lover extraordinary, loved this “pie”. I put the word “pie” in quotes because the result was more like a very messy cobbler.
First, again, no ounces on the sweetened condensed milk though they do usually come in one size. Also, the watermelon balls kind of confused me…..I used a small ice cream scoop but I know there is such a thing as a watermelon baller. I don’t have one.
The biggest problem, the pie NEVER completely set. And as I peruse the ingredients I wonder just how it would set what with mostly milk and watermelon in the content. I think there might be an ingredient missing in this recipe OR…..maybe it is a FROZEN pie. It doesn’t specify that however.
I’d make it again as husband says he’ll eat it with a spoon out of a bowl. But I sure would like if it came out as the pie it is called.
Cooking for Kaitlyn
++++++++++++
And so my sweet Kaitlyn, via this book to you I will try to convey what I know about cooking and what I don’t know. Via the Internet I belong to a recipe newsgroup. The recipes fly through my in-box fast and furious and I dutifully save those I think might be worth a try.
Well I tried some Kaitlyn, and below is a list of the recipes I have tried from this newsgroup as well as the flaws and praises of each.
-----------------
Beer Bread
3 cups self rising flour
1/4 cup sugar
1 (12 ounce) bottle of beer, light or dark
Stir together all ingredients, spoon into lightly greased loaf pan, 8
1/2 by 4 1/2 . Bake at 375 degrees for 55 to 60 minutes or until golden
brown. Cool in pan on rack for 5 minutes. Remove from pan and cool on
wire rack.
COMMENTS: Wow, I liked this quick and easy way to bake bread. The bread comes out coarse and heavy but that is just how I like it. This makes great thickly-sliced toast. Rating-out of a possible 5= 4.5
-------
Seasoned parmesan rolls
1-1/2 cups warm milk (70-80) degrees.
2 tablespoons butter, softened
1 tablespoon sugar
½ cup grated parmesan cheese
1 tablespoon dried minced onion
2 teaspoons seafood seasoning
4 cups bread flour
4 teaspoons active dry yeast
In bread machine pan, place all ingredients in order suggested by manufacturer. Select dough setting (check dough after 5 minutes of mixing; add 1 to 2 tablespoons of water or flour if needed).
When cycle is completed, turn dough onto a lightly floured surface. Divide into 24 portions; shape each into a ball. Place 3 in apart on greased baking sheets. Cover and let rise in a warm place until doubled, about 30 minutes. Bake at 350 deg for 15-20 minutes or until lightly browned. Remove to wire racks.
COMMENTS: This one is the best recipes of all that I’ve tried from the recipe group. Of course one must have a bread machine to make but for a change from the standard loaf, these rolls can’t be beat. I made the balls of dough quite large (only a dozen by the time I was done) and they make great hamburger/sandwich buns. Rating-out of a possible 5 = 5
------------
Choco-Orange Diamonds
1 cup butter, softened
1-2/3 cups sugar
1/4 teaspoon salt
3 eggs
1 egg yolk
3 teaspoons finely shredded orange peel (set aside) 1/2 cup orange juice
1-1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1/2 cup finely chopped pecans
4 eggs, lightly beaten
3 tablespoons all-purpose flour
8 ounce bittersweet chocolate, finely chopped
1-1/2 cups chopped pecans
3 ounces bittersweet chocolate, melted and cooled
Preheat oven to 350 degree F. In a large mixing bowl beat butter with an
electric mixer on medium to high speed for 30 secs. Add 2/3 cup of the
sugar and salt; beat until combined. Add the 3 eggs and the yolk, one at
a time, beating well after each addition. Beat in 1/4 cup of the orange
juice until combined. Add the 1-1/2 cups flour; beat until combined.
Stir in 1 teaspoon of the orange peel and the 1/2 cup finely chopped
pecans. Spread in a greased 15x10x1-inch baking pan. Bake for 15 mins or
until lightly browned (mixture may puff, but will fall when removed from
oven).Meanwhile, in a bowl use a wire whisk to combine the 4 eggs,
remaining 1 cup sugar, remaining 2 teaspoons peel, remaining 1/4 cup
orange juice, and the 3 tablespoons flour until smooth. Stir in finely
chopped chocolate and 1-1/2 cups nuts. Spread over hot crust. Return to
oven. Bake for 15 to 17 mins more or until set. Cool in pan on rack.
Drizzle bars with melted chocolate. Cut into diamonds. Rating: out of a possible 5=3.5
COMMENTS: This recipe was a bit of work for what I consider only so-so results. I thought the result to be a bit dry for all the butter and eggs needed for the recipe.
--------
Crispy Herbed Baked Chicken
Ingredients:
2/3 cup Hungry Jack® Mashed Potato Flakes
1/3 cup grated Parmesan cheese
3/4 to 1 teaspoon garlic salt
1 (3 to 3 1/2-lb.) cut-up frying chicken, skinned if
desired
1/3 cup margarine or butter, melted
Preparation Directions:
1. Heat oven to 375°F. Grease or line with foil and
grease 15x10x1-inch baking pan or 13x9-inch pan. In
medium bowl, combine potato flakes, Parmesan cheese
and garlic salt; stir until well mixed. Dip chicken
pieces into margarine; roll in potato flake mixture to
coat. Place in greased pan. Bake at 375°F. for 45 to
60 minutes or until chicken is fork-tender and juices
run clear. Rating: out of a possible 5=4
Serving size:
4 to 5 servings
COMMENTS: This is a right easy and quick way to bake up some crispy chicken without the bother of deep fry. I’d make it again.
--------
Kahlua Cake
One package chocolate cake mix
One small package instant vanilla pudding mix
½ cup Kahlua liqueur-use coffee
3/4cup vegetable oil
Four eggs
16 oz. of sour cream
One package chocolate chips
Mix and fold (Do NOT beat) into greased and floured* bundt pan. Bake for
an hour at 350 degrees. Let rest 25 minutes, turn onto a plate and sprinkle
with powdered sugar. This cake is also good cold. Can be wrapped and frozen for
up to 6 months. Rating-out of a possible 5 = 4.2
COMMENTS: VIOLATION! VIOLATION! VIOLATION! Notice there are NO indications of ounce size save the sour cream. Do you know how many sizes packages of chocolate chips come in? What is a “small” package? Anyway, this is a good cake (I finally bought the smallest sizes of pudding and chips available but I was a bit miffed at the omission of this very important detail). I used coffee (see note) instead of Kahlua because I was not about to buy a whole bottle of Kahlua to make it. This did turn out to be a very good cake. It would be an excellent party or potluck cake. It does not need frosting.
-------
Oven-Barbecued Farmer-Style Pork Ribs
2-3 lbs. farmer style pork ribs, bone in if possible
1 tsp. paprika
1 tsp. chili powder
1 tsp. Poultry Seasoning
1 tsp. fennel seed
1 tsp. freshly ground black pepper
1 tsp. salt, or to taste (I use a little less.)
1 small onion, sliced very thinly
15 oz. canned tomato sauce
1 cup water
3 tsp. sugar
Preheat oven to 325°.Trim as much fat off the meat as you can. Put
into a pan that will hold the ribs in a single layer. (I use the pyrex
11 X 13.) Mix the spices together well. Sprinkle over both sides of the
meat. Cover meat with onions, then pour tomato sauce and water over all.
Sprinkle with sugar. ( I use Splenda.) Cook for 2 - 2 1/2
hrs,uncovered, turning ribs about every 30 mins. If the sauce gets too
thick, pour a little water in to thin it, but the sauce should be thick
enough to cling to ribs at the end of the cooking time. The ribs will be
falling off the bone and very tender. Number Of Servings: 5-6 Rating-out of a possible 5= 4.5
COMMENTS: This is an excellent way to prepare country style ribs without all the bother of firing up the barbecue.
------
Baked Stuffed Pork Tenderloin
===========================================================
Ingredients:
1/2 cup chopped onion
1/2 cup chopped celery
1 1/2 cups chicken broth, fat removed
6 cups (6 oz.) packaged unseasoned stuffing mix (cubes)
1/2 tsp. dried sage
1/2 tsp. dried thyme
1/8 tsp. dried marjoram
1 lb. pork tenderloin
1 tsp. dried parsley
1/4 tsp. salt (optional)
1/8 tsp. pepper
Directions:
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. In a large saucepan, combine
onion, celery and broth. Simmer, covered, on low until vegetables
are soft. Add stuffing mix, thyme, sage, and marjoram. Mix well
until blended. Set aside.
Slice pork into 1/4" slices. Arrange half of the slices in an
8" x 8" pan that has been sprayed with non-stick cooking spray.
Top with the stuffing. Place remaining pork slices on stuffing.
Sprinkle with remaining seasonings. Cover with aluminum foil.
Bake for 30 minutes or until pork is no longer pink.
Serves 4. Rating: out of a possible 5-3.8
COMMENTS: This looked like a good recipe upon first sight. Alas, the result was not so great. Though I would imagine kids would like this thanksgiving kind of dish. Husband and I both found it not to our liking.
-------
watermelon pie
1 can sweetened condensed milk
4 ounces frozen whipped topping
1/4 cup lime juice
2 cups watermelon balls
1 9-inch graham cracker crust
Fold together milk and topping. Add lime juice.
Fold in watermelon balls, reserving about 5 balls for garnish. Pour into
graham cracker crust. Place remaining watermelon balls on pie to
garnish. Chill at least 2 hrs before serving. Rating-out of a possible 5-2.5.
--------
COMMENTS: First let me say that husband, pie lover extraordinary, loved this “pie”. I put the word “pie” in quotes because the result was more like a very messy cobbler.
First, again, no ounces on the sweetened condensed milk though they do usually come in one size. Also, the watermelon balls kind of confused me…..I used a small ice cream scoop but I know there is such a thing as a watermelon baller. I don’t have one.
The biggest problem, the pie NEVER completely set. And as I peruse the ingredients I wonder just how it would set what with mostly milk and watermelon in the content. I think there might be an ingredient missing in this recipe OR…..maybe it is a FROZEN pie. It doesn’t specify that however.
I’d make it again as husband says he’ll eat it with a spoon out of a bowl. But I sure would like if it came out as the pie it is called.
Tuesday
Cooking Critiques
07/06/2004
Cooking for Kaitlyn
++++++++++++
And so my sweet Kaitlyn, via this book to you I will try to convey what I know about cooking and what I don’t know. Via the Internet I belong to a recipe newsgroup. The recipes fly through my in-box fast and furious and I dutifully save those I think might be worth a try.
Well I tried some Kaitlyn, and below is a list of the recipes I have tried from this newsgroup as well as the flaws and praises of each.
-----------------
Beer Bread
3 cups self rising flour
1/4 cup sugar
1 (12 ounce) bottle of beer, light or dark
Stir together all ingredients, spoon into lightly greased loaf pan, 8
1/2 by 4 1/2 . Bake at 375 degrees for 55 to 60 minutes or until golden
brown. Cool in pan on rack for 5 minutes. Remove from pan and cool on
wire rack.
COMMENTS: Wow, I liked this quick and easy way to bake bread. The bread comes out coarse and heavy but that is just how I like it. This makes great thickly-sliced toast. Rating-out of a possible 5= 4.5
-------
Seasoned parmesan rolls
1-1/2 cups warm milk (70-80) degrees.
2 tablespoons butter, softened
1 tablespoon sugar
½ cup grated parmesan cheese
1 tablespoon dried minced onion
2 teaspoons seafood seasoning
4 cups bread flour
4 teaspoons active dry yeast
In bread machine pan, place all ingredients in order suggested by manufacturer. Select dough setting (check dough after 5 minutes of mixing; add 1 to 2 tablespoons of water or flour if needed).
When cycle is completed, turn dough onto a lightly floured surface. Divide into 24 portions; shape each into a ball. Place 3 in apart on greased baking sheets. Cover and let rise in a warm place until doubled, about 30 minutes. Bake at 350 deg for 15-20 minutes or until lightly browned. Remove to wire racks.
COMMENTS: This one is the best recipes of all that I’ve tried from the recipe group. Of course one must have a bread machine to make but for a change from the standard loaf, these rolls can’t be beat. I made the balls of dough quite large (only a dozen by the time I was done) and they make great hamburger/sandwich buns. Rating-out of a possible 5 = 5
------------
Choco-Orange Diamonds
1 cup butter, softened
1-2/3 cups sugar
1/4 teaspoon salt
3 eggs
1 egg yolk
3 teaspoons finely shredded orange peel (set aside) 1/2 cup orange juice
1-1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1/2 cup finely chopped pecans
4 eggs, lightly beaten
3 tablespoons all-purpose flour
8 ounce bittersweet chocolate, finely chopped
1-1/2 cups chopped pecans
3 ounces bittersweet chocolate, melted and cooled
Preheat oven to 350 degree F. In a large mixing bowl beat butter with an
electric mixer on medium to high speed for 30 secs. Add 2/3 cup of the
sugar and salt; beat until combined. Add the 3 eggs and the yolk, one at
a time, beating well after each addition. Beat in 1/4 cup of the orange
juice until combined. Add the 1-1/2 cups flour; beat until combined.
Stir in 1 teaspoon of the orange peel and the 1/2 cup finely chopped
pecans. Spread in a greased 15x10x1-inch baking pan. Bake for 15 mins or
until lightly browned (mixture may puff, but will fall when removed from
oven).Meanwhile, in a bowl use a wire whisk to combine the 4 eggs,
remaining 1 cup sugar, remaining 2 teaspoons peel, remaining 1/4 cup
orange juice, and the 3 tablespoons flour until smooth. Stir in finely
chopped chocolate and 1-1/2 cups nuts. Spread over hot crust. Return to
oven. Bake for 15 to 17 mins more or until set. Cool in pan on rack.
Drizzle bars with melted chocolate. Cut into diamonds. Rating: out of a possible 5=3.5
COMMENTS: This recipe was a bit of work for what I consider only so-so results. I thought the result to be a bit dry for all the butter and eggs needed for the recipe.
--------
Crispy Herbed Baked Chicken
Ingredients:
2/3 cup Hungry Jack® Mashed Potato Flakes
1/3 cup grated Parmesan cheese
3/4 to 1 teaspoon garlic salt
1 (3 to 3 1/2-lb.) cut-up frying chicken, skinned if
desired
1/3 cup margarine or butter, melted
Preparation Directions:
1. Heat oven to 375°F. Grease or line with foil and
grease 15x10x1-inch baking pan or 13x9-inch pan. In
medium bowl, combine potato flakes, Parmesan cheese
and garlic salt; stir until well mixed. Dip chicken
pieces into margarine; roll in potato flake mixture to
coat. Place in greased pan. Bake at 375°F. for 45 to
60 minutes or until chicken is fork-tender and juices
run clear. Rating: out of a possible 5=4
Serving size:
4 to 5 servings
COMMENTS: This is a right easy and quick way to bake up some crispy chicken without the bother of deep fry. I’d make it again.
--------
Kahlua Cake
One package chocolate cake mix
One small package instant vanilla pudding mix
½ cup Kahlua liqueur-use coffee
3/4cup vegetable oil
Four eggs
16 oz. of sour cream
One package chocolate chips
Mix and fold (Do NOT beat) into greased and floured* bundt pan. Bake for
an hour at 350 degrees. Let rest 25 minutes, turn onto a plate and sprinkle
with powdered sugar. This cake is also good cold. Can be wrapped and frozen for
up to 6 months. Rating-out of a possible 5 = 4.2
COMMENTS: VIOLATION! VIOLATION! VIOLATION! Notice there are NO indications of ounce size save the sour cream. Do you know how many sizes packages of chocolate chips come in? What is a “small” package? Anyway, this is a good cake (I finally bought the smallest sizes of pudding and chips available but I was a bit miffed at the omission of this very important detail). I used coffee (see note) instead of Kahlua because I was not about to buy a whole bottle of Kahlua to make it. This did turn out to be a very good cake. It would be an excellent party or potluck cake. It does not need frosting.
-------
Oven-Barbecued Farmer-Style Pork Ribs
2-3 lbs. farmer style pork ribs, bone in if possible
1 tsp. paprika
1 tsp. chili powder
1 tsp. Poultry Seasoning
1 tsp. fennel seed
1 tsp. freshly ground black pepper
1 tsp. salt, or to taste (I use a little less.)
1 small onion, sliced very thinly
15 oz. canned tomato sauce
1 cup water
3 tsp. sugar
Preheat oven to 325°.Trim as much fat off the meat as you can. Put
into a pan that will hold the ribs in a single layer. (I use the pyrex
11 X 13.) Mix the spices together well. Sprinkle over both sides of the
meat. Cover meat with onions, then pour tomato sauce and water over all.
Sprinkle with sugar. ( I use Splenda.) Cook for 2 - 2 1/2
hrs,uncovered, turning ribs about every 30 mins. If the sauce gets too
thick, pour a little water in to thin it, but the sauce should be thick
enough to cling to ribs at the end of the cooking time. The ribs will be
falling off the bone and very tender. Number Of Servings: 5-6 Rating-out of a possible 5= 4.5
COMMENTS: This is an excellent way to prepare country style ribs without all the bother of firing up the barbecue.
------
Baked Stuffed Pork Tenderloin
===========================================================
Ingredients:
1/2 cup chopped onion
1/2 cup chopped celery
1 1/2 cups chicken broth, fat removed
6 cups (6 oz.) packaged unseasoned stuffing mix (cubes)
1/2 tsp. dried sage
1/2 tsp. dried thyme
1/8 tsp. dried marjoram
1 lb. pork tenderloin
1 tsp. dried parsley
1/4 tsp. salt (optional)
1/8 tsp. pepper
Directions:
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. In a large saucepan, combine
onion, celery and broth. Simmer, covered, on low until vegetables
are soft. Add stuffing mix, thyme, sage, and marjoram. Mix well
until blended. Set aside.
Slice pork into 1/4" slices. Arrange half of the slices in an
8" x 8" pan that has been sprayed with non-stick cooking spray.
Top with the stuffing. Place remaining pork slices on stuffing.
Sprinkle with remaining seasonings. Cover with aluminum foil.
Bake for 30 minutes or until pork is no longer pink.
Serves 4. Rating: out of a possible 5-3.8
COMMENTS: This looked like a good recipe upon first sight. Alas, the result was not so great. Though I would imagine kids would like this thanksgiving kind of dish. Husband and I both found it not to our liking.
-------
watermelon pie
1 can sweetened condensed milk
4 ounces frozen whipped topping
1/4 cup lime juice
2 cups watermelon balls
1 9-inch graham cracker crust
Fold together milk and topping. Add lime juice.
Fold in watermelon balls, reserving about 5 balls for garnish. Pour into
graham cracker crust. Place remaining watermelon balls on pie to
garnish. Chill at least 2 hrs before serving. Rating-out of a possible 5-2.5.
--------
COMMENTS: First let me say that husband, pie lover extraordinary, loved this “pie”. I put the word “pie” in quotes because the result was more like a very messy cobbler.
First, again, no ounces on the sweetened condensed milk though they do usually come in one size. Also, the watermelon balls kind of confused me…..I used a small ice cream scoop but I know there is such a thing as a watermelon baller. I don’t have one.
The biggest problem, the pie NEVER completely set. And as I peruse the ingredients I wonder just how it would set what with mostly milk and watermelon in the content. I think there might be an ingredient missing in this recipe OR…..maybe it is a FROZEN pie. It doesn’t specify that however.
I’d make it again as husband says he’ll eat it with a spoon out of a bowl. But I sure would like if it came out as the pie it is called.
Cooking for Kaitlyn
++++++++++++
And so my sweet Kaitlyn, via this book to you I will try to convey what I know about cooking and what I don’t know. Via the Internet I belong to a recipe newsgroup. The recipes fly through my in-box fast and furious and I dutifully save those I think might be worth a try.
Well I tried some Kaitlyn, and below is a list of the recipes I have tried from this newsgroup as well as the flaws and praises of each.
-----------------
Beer Bread
3 cups self rising flour
1/4 cup sugar
1 (12 ounce) bottle of beer, light or dark
Stir together all ingredients, spoon into lightly greased loaf pan, 8
1/2 by 4 1/2 . Bake at 375 degrees for 55 to 60 minutes or until golden
brown. Cool in pan on rack for 5 minutes. Remove from pan and cool on
wire rack.
COMMENTS: Wow, I liked this quick and easy way to bake bread. The bread comes out coarse and heavy but that is just how I like it. This makes great thickly-sliced toast. Rating-out of a possible 5= 4.5
-------
Seasoned parmesan rolls
1-1/2 cups warm milk (70-80) degrees.
2 tablespoons butter, softened
1 tablespoon sugar
½ cup grated parmesan cheese
1 tablespoon dried minced onion
2 teaspoons seafood seasoning
4 cups bread flour
4 teaspoons active dry yeast
In bread machine pan, place all ingredients in order suggested by manufacturer. Select dough setting (check dough after 5 minutes of mixing; add 1 to 2 tablespoons of water or flour if needed).
When cycle is completed, turn dough onto a lightly floured surface. Divide into 24 portions; shape each into a ball. Place 3 in apart on greased baking sheets. Cover and let rise in a warm place until doubled, about 30 minutes. Bake at 350 deg for 15-20 minutes or until lightly browned. Remove to wire racks.
COMMENTS: This one is the best recipes of all that I’ve tried from the recipe group. Of course one must have a bread machine to make but for a change from the standard loaf, these rolls can’t be beat. I made the balls of dough quite large (only a dozen by the time I was done) and they make great hamburger/sandwich buns. Rating-out of a possible 5 = 5
------------
Choco-Orange Diamonds
1 cup butter, softened
1-2/3 cups sugar
1/4 teaspoon salt
3 eggs
1 egg yolk
3 teaspoons finely shredded orange peel (set aside) 1/2 cup orange juice
1-1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1/2 cup finely chopped pecans
4 eggs, lightly beaten
3 tablespoons all-purpose flour
8 ounce bittersweet chocolate, finely chopped
1-1/2 cups chopped pecans
3 ounces bittersweet chocolate, melted and cooled
Preheat oven to 350 degree F. In a large mixing bowl beat butter with an
electric mixer on medium to high speed for 30 secs. Add 2/3 cup of the
sugar and salt; beat until combined. Add the 3 eggs and the yolk, one at
a time, beating well after each addition. Beat in 1/4 cup of the orange
juice until combined. Add the 1-1/2 cups flour; beat until combined.
Stir in 1 teaspoon of the orange peel and the 1/2 cup finely chopped
pecans. Spread in a greased 15x10x1-inch baking pan. Bake for 15 mins or
until lightly browned (mixture may puff, but will fall when removed from
oven).Meanwhile, in a bowl use a wire whisk to combine the 4 eggs,
remaining 1 cup sugar, remaining 2 teaspoons peel, remaining 1/4 cup
orange juice, and the 3 tablespoons flour until smooth. Stir in finely
chopped chocolate and 1-1/2 cups nuts. Spread over hot crust. Return to
oven. Bake for 15 to 17 mins more or until set. Cool in pan on rack.
Drizzle bars with melted chocolate. Cut into diamonds. Rating: out of a possible 5=3.5
COMMENTS: This recipe was a bit of work for what I consider only so-so results. I thought the result to be a bit dry for all the butter and eggs needed for the recipe.
--------
Crispy Herbed Baked Chicken
Ingredients:
2/3 cup Hungry Jack® Mashed Potato Flakes
1/3 cup grated Parmesan cheese
3/4 to 1 teaspoon garlic salt
1 (3 to 3 1/2-lb.) cut-up frying chicken, skinned if
desired
1/3 cup margarine or butter, melted
Preparation Directions:
1. Heat oven to 375°F. Grease or line with foil and
grease 15x10x1-inch baking pan or 13x9-inch pan. In
medium bowl, combine potato flakes, Parmesan cheese
and garlic salt; stir until well mixed. Dip chicken
pieces into margarine; roll in potato flake mixture to
coat. Place in greased pan. Bake at 375°F. for 45 to
60 minutes or until chicken is fork-tender and juices
run clear. Rating: out of a possible 5=4
Serving size:
4 to 5 servings
COMMENTS: This is a right easy and quick way to bake up some crispy chicken without the bother of deep fry. I’d make it again.
--------
Kahlua Cake
One package chocolate cake mix
One small package instant vanilla pudding mix
½ cup Kahlua liqueur-use coffee
3/4cup vegetable oil
Four eggs
16 oz. of sour cream
One package chocolate chips
Mix and fold (Do NOT beat) into greased and floured* bundt pan. Bake for
an hour at 350 degrees. Let rest 25 minutes, turn onto a plate and sprinkle
with powdered sugar. This cake is also good cold. Can be wrapped and frozen for
up to 6 months. Rating-out of a possible 5 = 4.2
COMMENTS: VIOLATION! VIOLATION! VIOLATION! Notice there are NO indications of ounce size save the sour cream. Do you know how many sizes packages of chocolate chips come in? What is a “small” package? Anyway, this is a good cake (I finally bought the smallest sizes of pudding and chips available but I was a bit miffed at the omission of this very important detail). I used coffee (see note) instead of Kahlua because I was not about to buy a whole bottle of Kahlua to make it. This did turn out to be a very good cake. It would be an excellent party or potluck cake. It does not need frosting.
-------
Oven-Barbecued Farmer-Style Pork Ribs
2-3 lbs. farmer style pork ribs, bone in if possible
1 tsp. paprika
1 tsp. chili powder
1 tsp. Poultry Seasoning
1 tsp. fennel seed
1 tsp. freshly ground black pepper
1 tsp. salt, or to taste (I use a little less.)
1 small onion, sliced very thinly
15 oz. canned tomato sauce
1 cup water
3 tsp. sugar
Preheat oven to 325°.Trim as much fat off the meat as you can. Put
into a pan that will hold the ribs in a single layer. (I use the pyrex
11 X 13.) Mix the spices together well. Sprinkle over both sides of the
meat. Cover meat with onions, then pour tomato sauce and water over all.
Sprinkle with sugar. ( I use Splenda.) Cook for 2 - 2 1/2
hrs,uncovered, turning ribs about every 30 mins. If the sauce gets too
thick, pour a little water in to thin it, but the sauce should be thick
enough to cling to ribs at the end of the cooking time. The ribs will be
falling off the bone and very tender. Number Of Servings: 5-6 Rating-out of a possible 5= 4.5
COMMENTS: This is an excellent way to prepare country style ribs without all the bother of firing up the barbecue.
------
Baked Stuffed Pork Tenderloin
===========================================================
Ingredients:
1/2 cup chopped onion
1/2 cup chopped celery
1 1/2 cups chicken broth, fat removed
6 cups (6 oz.) packaged unseasoned stuffing mix (cubes)
1/2 tsp. dried sage
1/2 tsp. dried thyme
1/8 tsp. dried marjoram
1 lb. pork tenderloin
1 tsp. dried parsley
1/4 tsp. salt (optional)
1/8 tsp. pepper
Directions:
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. In a large saucepan, combine
onion, celery and broth. Simmer, covered, on low until vegetables
are soft. Add stuffing mix, thyme, sage, and marjoram. Mix well
until blended. Set aside.
Slice pork into 1/4" slices. Arrange half of the slices in an
8" x 8" pan that has been sprayed with non-stick cooking spray.
Top with the stuffing. Place remaining pork slices on stuffing.
Sprinkle with remaining seasonings. Cover with aluminum foil.
Bake for 30 minutes or until pork is no longer pink.
Serves 4. Rating: out of a possible 5-3.8
COMMENTS: This looked like a good recipe upon first sight. Alas, the result was not so great. Though I would imagine kids would like this thanksgiving kind of dish. Husband and I both found it not to our liking.
-------
watermelon pie
1 can sweetened condensed milk
4 ounces frozen whipped topping
1/4 cup lime juice
2 cups watermelon balls
1 9-inch graham cracker crust
Fold together milk and topping. Add lime juice.
Fold in watermelon balls, reserving about 5 balls for garnish. Pour into
graham cracker crust. Place remaining watermelon balls on pie to
garnish. Chill at least 2 hrs before serving. Rating-out of a possible 5-2.5.
--------
COMMENTS: First let me say that husband, pie lover extraordinary, loved this “pie”. I put the word “pie” in quotes because the result was more like a very messy cobbler.
First, again, no ounces on the sweetened condensed milk though they do usually come in one size. Also, the watermelon balls kind of confused me…..I used a small ice cream scoop but I know there is such a thing as a watermelon baller. I don’t have one.
The biggest problem, the pie NEVER completely set. And as I peruse the ingredients I wonder just how it would set what with mostly milk and watermelon in the content. I think there might be an ingredient missing in this recipe OR…..maybe it is a FROZEN pie. It doesn’t specify that however.
I’d make it again as husband says he’ll eat it with a spoon out of a bowl. But I sure would like if it came out as the pie it is called.
Monday
The Lesson of Monica Lewinsky
6/26/04
The Lesson of Monica Lewinsky
My dearest Kaitlyn Mae,
Today’s subject is a bit embarrassing but very important. For this past week as of this writing, former President William Clinton, also known as Bubba, released his boring tome called “My Life”. And anything written about Clinton’s life would have to include many pages on Monica Lewinsky.
Monica Lewinsky, Kaitlyn, was a dewy young thing in her early twenties when she got herself involved with the President in a most intimate matter in the taxpayers’ own hallowed Oval Office. Which was, specifically Kaitlyn Mae, a sexual act of the oral kind. Beyond this explanation, sweet granddaughter, you will have to ask your mother.
So all week the pundits have been asking the former impeached President why he got himself involved in such a predicament which is what the voters have been wondering throughout most of the 1990’s. Clinton responds, in many variations, that he did it “because I could”.
Now don’t let them re-write history Kaitlyn Mae, because William Jefferson Clinton was not impeached because of this sordid and sad little episode. He was impeached for lying about it under oath.
Ah, I can almost hear Kaitlyn Mae asking from the future why would the President have to go under oath for such a thing anyway. And there’s the rub, Kaitlyn. Because of a law that President Clinton signed into effect which stipulated that those with power will not exercise undue harassment of the employees. It’s to protect women in the work force and if all goes according to the intention, Kaitlyn Mae will one day be able to pursue her career without fear that she might have to give sexual favors to those with the power to hire and fire her.
A President of the United States, Kaitlyn, and an unpaid intern, well I’d say that’s power lording over the powerless. Though the vaunted Women’s Libbers changed their tune when this all hit the fan, stating that Monica was a willing participant in the lust.
Bill Clinton, lecher and man of no discernible morals, had quite a few of these bimbo encounters, Kaitlyn, and the lying under oath came as a result of a civil suit by another potential victim of his unwanted advances, Paula Jones. The Jones’ defense team found out about Lewinsky long after Clinton called Paula Jones to his hotel room and requested her sexual favors. But ole Bill and Monica collaborated to lie about it and they did, in front of a grand jury. Only Monica has this dress that had this stain on it (ask your mother about the stain) and through the miracle of DNA, boom, it was discovered that the President lied.
Well, I’m shocked, Kaitlyn, that Bill Clinton would lie to his adoring public. Once he banged his index finger on the table and squinted his eyes in anger and told us minions out in la-la land that he “did not have sex with that woman, Miss Lewinsky”.
But he did Kaitlyn, and he lied about it. He was impeached by the House of Representatives but the Senate with its Democratic majority at the time, chose not to remove him from office. Please don’t let the history books reflect differently, Kaitlyn, and don’t let them get away with the misleading “he was not impeached”. He WAS impeached but even at that the senate allowed him to remain President. It’s how the system works, Kaitlyn, and it’s how it worked with Bill Clinton. Impeachment might not mean one loses their job but it does mean that a stain, you should excuse the expression, is cast upon the one impeached.
With this being the background, Kaitlyn, allow grandmother to get to her point. Which is the sheer outrage of Monica Lewinsky who is, as of this writing, in her late twenties.
Monica is upset, Kaitlyn Mae, as she thinks Clinton is treating her as if she was just willing meat who meant nothing to Bubba.
So I have a message for both Monica and Kaitlyn Mae: Hey, Monica, get over it, child. You were just willing meat and you meant nothing to Bubba no matter what he may have told you at the time he was sexually aroused.
Learn this lesson, too, Kaitlyn Mae. In due course you will have to confront such sexual things. Please do not be as stupid as Monica. Which is not necessarily the stupidity of what she did though I must point out that Bill Clinton was a married man and her young self should avoid married men and so should you, Kaitlyn. The bigger stupidity is for her to believe that she had something “special” with Clinton. An intern and the married President of the United States….now there’s a pair with a lot in common.
And now some six years after it all hit the fan this young woman STILL thinks they had some sort of love thing once upon a time? And she’s angry that ole horndog Bill is dissing her?
Go, Monica, go away and suffer the pain. For this is a lesson you should have learned a long time ago yet still you believe the fantasy. Bill Clinton’s interest in you stopped as soon as the stain appeared on your dress.
Grandmother cannot protect you against heartbreak, Kaitlyn. There will come a time when you will love and will not be loved in return. There will come a time when you will be loved and will not love in return. At times, Kaitlyn, to quote a song popular when grandmother was young, “everybody plays the fool”.
Even with the vagaries of love such as they are, Kaitlyn, go with me on this….forget married. Never believe the lies of a married man should you be single, young and female. If the man is unhappily married, as he surely will tell you, demand that he get a divorce and then give you a call.
Also, Kaitlyn, get a clue. If you are an intern, for instance, and HE is the President, well sweetheart it’s probably not love no matter what he says.
As for Monica, well she’s pretty much a big smirk to all of mankind while her abuser gets fame and fortune with his book and its promotion. All of it diminishing her to nothingness.
Which is pretty much what any female should expect from William Jefferson Clinton.
The Lesson of Monica Lewinsky
My dearest Kaitlyn Mae,
Today’s subject is a bit embarrassing but very important. For this past week as of this writing, former President William Clinton, also known as Bubba, released his boring tome called “My Life”. And anything written about Clinton’s life would have to include many pages on Monica Lewinsky.
Monica Lewinsky, Kaitlyn, was a dewy young thing in her early twenties when she got herself involved with the President in a most intimate matter in the taxpayers’ own hallowed Oval Office. Which was, specifically Kaitlyn Mae, a sexual act of the oral kind. Beyond this explanation, sweet granddaughter, you will have to ask your mother.
So all week the pundits have been asking the former impeached President why he got himself involved in such a predicament which is what the voters have been wondering throughout most of the 1990’s. Clinton responds, in many variations, that he did it “because I could”.
Now don’t let them re-write history Kaitlyn Mae, because William Jefferson Clinton was not impeached because of this sordid and sad little episode. He was impeached for lying about it under oath.
Ah, I can almost hear Kaitlyn Mae asking from the future why would the President have to go under oath for such a thing anyway. And there’s the rub, Kaitlyn. Because of a law that President Clinton signed into effect which stipulated that those with power will not exercise undue harassment of the employees. It’s to protect women in the work force and if all goes according to the intention, Kaitlyn Mae will one day be able to pursue her career without fear that she might have to give sexual favors to those with the power to hire and fire her.
A President of the United States, Kaitlyn, and an unpaid intern, well I’d say that’s power lording over the powerless. Though the vaunted Women’s Libbers changed their tune when this all hit the fan, stating that Monica was a willing participant in the lust.
Bill Clinton, lecher and man of no discernible morals, had quite a few of these bimbo encounters, Kaitlyn, and the lying under oath came as a result of a civil suit by another potential victim of his unwanted advances, Paula Jones. The Jones’ defense team found out about Lewinsky long after Clinton called Paula Jones to his hotel room and requested her sexual favors. But ole Bill and Monica collaborated to lie about it and they did, in front of a grand jury. Only Monica has this dress that had this stain on it (ask your mother about the stain) and through the miracle of DNA, boom, it was discovered that the President lied.
Well, I’m shocked, Kaitlyn, that Bill Clinton would lie to his adoring public. Once he banged his index finger on the table and squinted his eyes in anger and told us minions out in la-la land that he “did not have sex with that woman, Miss Lewinsky”.
But he did Kaitlyn, and he lied about it. He was impeached by the House of Representatives but the Senate with its Democratic majority at the time, chose not to remove him from office. Please don’t let the history books reflect differently, Kaitlyn, and don’t let them get away with the misleading “he was not impeached”. He WAS impeached but even at that the senate allowed him to remain President. It’s how the system works, Kaitlyn, and it’s how it worked with Bill Clinton. Impeachment might not mean one loses their job but it does mean that a stain, you should excuse the expression, is cast upon the one impeached.
With this being the background, Kaitlyn, allow grandmother to get to her point. Which is the sheer outrage of Monica Lewinsky who is, as of this writing, in her late twenties.
Monica is upset, Kaitlyn Mae, as she thinks Clinton is treating her as if she was just willing meat who meant nothing to Bubba.
So I have a message for both Monica and Kaitlyn Mae: Hey, Monica, get over it, child. You were just willing meat and you meant nothing to Bubba no matter what he may have told you at the time he was sexually aroused.
Learn this lesson, too, Kaitlyn Mae. In due course you will have to confront such sexual things. Please do not be as stupid as Monica. Which is not necessarily the stupidity of what she did though I must point out that Bill Clinton was a married man and her young self should avoid married men and so should you, Kaitlyn. The bigger stupidity is for her to believe that she had something “special” with Clinton. An intern and the married President of the United States….now there’s a pair with a lot in common.
And now some six years after it all hit the fan this young woman STILL thinks they had some sort of love thing once upon a time? And she’s angry that ole horndog Bill is dissing her?
Go, Monica, go away and suffer the pain. For this is a lesson you should have learned a long time ago yet still you believe the fantasy. Bill Clinton’s interest in you stopped as soon as the stain appeared on your dress.
Grandmother cannot protect you against heartbreak, Kaitlyn. There will come a time when you will love and will not be loved in return. There will come a time when you will be loved and will not love in return. At times, Kaitlyn, to quote a song popular when grandmother was young, “everybody plays the fool”.
Even with the vagaries of love such as they are, Kaitlyn, go with me on this….forget married. Never believe the lies of a married man should you be single, young and female. If the man is unhappily married, as he surely will tell you, demand that he get a divorce and then give you a call.
Also, Kaitlyn, get a clue. If you are an intern, for instance, and HE is the President, well sweetheart it’s probably not love no matter what he says.
As for Monica, well she’s pretty much a big smirk to all of mankind while her abuser gets fame and fortune with his book and its promotion. All of it diminishing her to nothingness.
Which is pretty much what any female should expect from William Jefferson Clinton.
Friday
He's Baaaaaaaack!
If you’d like to receive regular updates on when the Kaitlyn Mae Blog is updated, please send an email to PATFISH1@aol.com.
Please visit http://www.dlsijpress.com/fish/index.shtml
For information on my book “Everything You Need to Know About Being a Woman Can Be Learned in the Garden”.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
06/23/2004
He’s Baaaaaaack!-OJ
Okay, sweet Kaitlyn, it’s time to revisit the OJ Simpson case as you were not born during that debacle and grandmother must update you as required.
Because the man, Kaitlyn, the horrible man who killed two people in cold blood, is baaaaaack.
As of this writing it’s been almost ten years since Orenthal James Simpson cut the throats of his estranged wife, Nicole, and her visiting friend, Ron Goldman. By the time you read this, Kaitlyn Mae, the man STILL might gracing your high definition TV with his ugly murdering presence. For last week the murderer was for sure all over our TV’s and he’s a scum bucket. STILL!
He shouldn’t even be walking free but in one of the greatest miscarriages of justice and jury nullification this country has ever known, he was found Not Guilty by 12 idiots who professed to be a jury.
Though make no mistake, Kaitlyn, the prosecutors of that case were almost idiots as well and you know grandmother in all her wisdom doesn’t lie to you.
Marsha Clark, prosecutor idiot number 1, wouldn’t allow so much evidence to be entered for rather silly reasons. One witness was ready to testify that she almost ran into the escaping OJ in his Bronco on the very night of the murders. In fact, OJ got out of his car and screamed at her but then I guess he was a bit hyper what with all that blood on him and after committing two murders. The witness sold her story to the National Enquirer but alas, Kaitlyn, that tabloid was very involved in this criminal case.
For it was the National Enquirer that exposed OJ’s lie of having never owned a pair of Bruno Magli shoes by printing pictures in its rag of OJ wearing those very same shoes. Why were these shoes important, Kaitlyn? Because the murderer (OJ) left very distinct sole impressions at the crime scene and the shoes that left the mark were identified as the very unusual Bruno Magli shoes.
Marsha Clark didn’t allow this evidence into trial because she thought the tabloid angle compromised the facts.
Well, maybe, Kaitlyn, because that jury, even if they saw a videotape of OJ committing the murders, would have found him Not Guilty.
Why, you ask?
It’s a subtle and nuanced racial thing, Kaitlyn, but the jury, mostly black and definitely NOT a jury of his peers, felt that the LA cops have been mistreating them for decades and they thought it was time to give a black a free pass for two murders for all their woe. At least that’s grandmother’s take on it all, Kaitlyn, because I don’t think black people are idiots and to have found this man not guilty is idiotic.
Not that OJ Simpson was any paragon to his race, sweet Jesus. He’s wealthy and has never shown any special interest to the less fortunate. In fact, he always has white women hanging on his arm as, I suppose, black women are not good enough. Nicole Simpson was white.
The prosecutor, in all his “wisdom”, moved the trial from where it should have been, ie Brentwood, California, to LA. Sheesh.
The jury’s rationale is that they had a “reasonable doubt” that the LA police planted all the evidence against OJ. To believe this, Kaitlyn, you’d have to believe that in the space of a few hours the police managed to scoop up some of Ron Goldman’s blood and spatter it in OJ’s Bronco, they went back to the scene of the crime and dropped a bloody glove in the mess, they sneaked into the alley behind his house and dropped another one…the list goes on. I’m not saying cops never plant evidence, goodness I know it’s happened. But no way could they have went to the lengths they would have had to go to in order to frame OJ. Hell, they didn’t even have a clue if OJ had an ironclad alibi when they were busy planting all of this evidence! Which he did not but did they know this while they were spattering incriminating blood everywhere and dropping bloody gloves behind Oj’s house? Suppose OJ had been dining with the Governor or California when the murders were committed? I mean, the evidence-planting cops would have been caught red-handed and cops, Kaitlyn, really are not that stupid.
So far they haven’t caught the real murderer of Nicole Simpson and Ron Goldman and damn, it’s been over ten years now.
Please know, sweet granddaughter, that OJ was later tried in a civil trial, in the correct jurisdiction, and was found guiltier than hell.
He’s an evil man, Kaitlyn. Know this when he graces your TV set with his stupid lies on the 20th or the 30th anniversary of the murders.
Please visit http://www.dlsijpress.com/fish/index.shtml
For information on my book “Everything You Need to Know About Being a Woman Can Be Learned in the Garden”.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
06/23/2004
He’s Baaaaaaack!-OJ
Okay, sweet Kaitlyn, it’s time to revisit the OJ Simpson case as you were not born during that debacle and grandmother must update you as required.
Because the man, Kaitlyn, the horrible man who killed two people in cold blood, is baaaaaack.
As of this writing it’s been almost ten years since Orenthal James Simpson cut the throats of his estranged wife, Nicole, and her visiting friend, Ron Goldman. By the time you read this, Kaitlyn Mae, the man STILL might gracing your high definition TV with his ugly murdering presence. For last week the murderer was for sure all over our TV’s and he’s a scum bucket. STILL!
He shouldn’t even be walking free but in one of the greatest miscarriages of justice and jury nullification this country has ever known, he was found Not Guilty by 12 idiots who professed to be a jury.
Though make no mistake, Kaitlyn, the prosecutors of that case were almost idiots as well and you know grandmother in all her wisdom doesn’t lie to you.
Marsha Clark, prosecutor idiot number 1, wouldn’t allow so much evidence to be entered for rather silly reasons. One witness was ready to testify that she almost ran into the escaping OJ in his Bronco on the very night of the murders. In fact, OJ got out of his car and screamed at her but then I guess he was a bit hyper what with all that blood on him and after committing two murders. The witness sold her story to the National Enquirer but alas, Kaitlyn, that tabloid was very involved in this criminal case.
For it was the National Enquirer that exposed OJ’s lie of having never owned a pair of Bruno Magli shoes by printing pictures in its rag of OJ wearing those very same shoes. Why were these shoes important, Kaitlyn? Because the murderer (OJ) left very distinct sole impressions at the crime scene and the shoes that left the mark were identified as the very unusual Bruno Magli shoes.
Marsha Clark didn’t allow this evidence into trial because she thought the tabloid angle compromised the facts.
Well, maybe, Kaitlyn, because that jury, even if they saw a videotape of OJ committing the murders, would have found him Not Guilty.
Why, you ask?
It’s a subtle and nuanced racial thing, Kaitlyn, but the jury, mostly black and definitely NOT a jury of his peers, felt that the LA cops have been mistreating them for decades and they thought it was time to give a black a free pass for two murders for all their woe. At least that’s grandmother’s take on it all, Kaitlyn, because I don’t think black people are idiots and to have found this man not guilty is idiotic.
Not that OJ Simpson was any paragon to his race, sweet Jesus. He’s wealthy and has never shown any special interest to the less fortunate. In fact, he always has white women hanging on his arm as, I suppose, black women are not good enough. Nicole Simpson was white.
The prosecutor, in all his “wisdom”, moved the trial from where it should have been, ie Brentwood, California, to LA. Sheesh.
The jury’s rationale is that they had a “reasonable doubt” that the LA police planted all the evidence against OJ. To believe this, Kaitlyn, you’d have to believe that in the space of a few hours the police managed to scoop up some of Ron Goldman’s blood and spatter it in OJ’s Bronco, they went back to the scene of the crime and dropped a bloody glove in the mess, they sneaked into the alley behind his house and dropped another one…the list goes on. I’m not saying cops never plant evidence, goodness I know it’s happened. But no way could they have went to the lengths they would have had to go to in order to frame OJ. Hell, they didn’t even have a clue if OJ had an ironclad alibi when they were busy planting all of this evidence! Which he did not but did they know this while they were spattering incriminating blood everywhere and dropping bloody gloves behind Oj’s house? Suppose OJ had been dining with the Governor or California when the murders were committed? I mean, the evidence-planting cops would have been caught red-handed and cops, Kaitlyn, really are not that stupid.
So far they haven’t caught the real murderer of Nicole Simpson and Ron Goldman and damn, it’s been over ten years now.
Please know, sweet granddaughter, that OJ was later tried in a civil trial, in the correct jurisdiction, and was found guiltier than hell.
He’s an evil man, Kaitlyn. Know this when he graces your TV set with his stupid lies on the 20th or the 30th anniversary of the murders.
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