Plus some more miscellany including Bill Cosby's book excerpt, food ads versus the reality with appropriate pics and other this-and-that including some reverie on the ugliest but most comfortable of shoes.
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HOW MUCH IS YOUR BODY WORTH?
-HOW MUCH IS YOUR BODY WORTH
The Allure of the Cave
Remember that story a few weeks about re those missing students who were last believed to be exploring some cave in Austin, Texas?
The kids were eventually found so there’s the happy ending.
Rescue workers have been searching since early this morning for four people believed to be inside Airman's Cave, a narrow limestone cavity that runs parallel to South Lamar Boulevard.
The people - three women and a man believed to be University of Texas students - set out to explore the cave at around 9 a.m. Saturday, officials said. The cavers told friends to call for help if they weren't back by midnight Saturday. At around 5 a.m., the friends called 911.
I did a little checking on this cave and I suppose every city must have its urban legends.
The cave is a long and narrow passage within a few thin layers of the Austin formation starting from Barton Creek and going under the Brodie Oaks shopping center. It is notorious for being mostly crawling without much reward other than a sense of accomplishment, though the full 3800 foot journey to the farthest explored reach of the cave is rewarded with a nice formation room.
I would be scared out of my mind and feel like I was in my own coffin to enter this thing.
The Deer Story
I came across this story on the Internet somewhere and thought it hilarious. The details are so exact that the story has the ring of truth.
I had this idea that I was going to rope a deer, put it in a stall, feed it up on corn for a couple of weeks, then kill it and eat it. The first step in this adventure was getting a deer.
I figured that since they congregated at my cattle feeder and do not seem to have much fear of me when we are there, (a bold one will sometimes come right up and sniff at the bags of feed, while I am in the back of the truck not 4 feet away) that it should not be difficult to rope one, get up to it and toss a bag over its head (to calm it down) then hog tie it and transport it home.
I filled the cattle feeder then hid down at the end with my rope. The cattle, which had seen the roping thing before, stayed well back. They were not having any of it.
After about 20 minutes my deer showed up, 3 of them. I picked out a likely looking one, stepped out, from the end of the feeder, and threw my rope. The deer just stood there and stared at me. I wrapped the rope around my waist and twisted the end, so I would have a good hold.
The deer still just stood and stared at me, but you could tell it was mildly concerned about the whole rope situation. I took a step towards it. It took a step away. I put a little tension on the rope and received an education.
The first thing that I learned, is that while a deer may just stand there looking at you funny while you rope it, they are spurred to action when you start pulling on that rope. That deer EXPLODED.
The second thing I learned is that pound for pound, a deer is a LOT stronger than a cow or a colt. A cow or a colt in that weight range, I could fight down with a rope with some dignity. A deer, no chance. That thing ran and bucked and twisted and pulled. There was no controlling it and certainly no getting close to it.
As it jerked me off my feet and started dragging me across the ground, it occurred to me that having a deer on a rope was not nearly as good an idea as I originally imagined. The only upside is that they do not have as much stamina as many animals. A brief 10 minutes later, it was tired and not nearly as quick to jerk me off my feet and drag me when I managed to get up. It took me a few minutes to realize this, since I was mostly blinded by the blood flowing out of the big gash in my head.
At that point I had lost my taste for corn fed venison. I just wanted to get that devil creature off the end of that rope. I figured if I just let it go with the rope hanging around its neck, it would likely die slow and painfully somewhere. At the time, there was no love at all between me and that deer. At that moment, I hated the thing and I would venture a guess that the feeling was mutual. Despite the gash in my head and the several large knots, where I had cleverly arrested the deer's momentum by bracing my head against various large rocks as it dragged me across the ground, I could still think clearly enough to recognize that there was a small chance that I shared some tiny amount of responsibility for the situation we were in, so I didn't want the deer to have to suffer a slow death. I managed to get it lined up to back in between my truck and the feeder, a little trap I had set beforehand. Kind of like a squeeze chute.
I got it to back in there and started moving up so I could get my rope back.
Did you know that deer bite? They do! I never in a million years would have thought that a deer would bite somebody so I was very surprised when I reached up there to grab that rope and the deer grabbed hold of my wrist. Now, when a deer bites you, it is not like being bit by a horse where they just bite you and then let go. A deer bites you and shakes its head, almost like a pit bull. They bite HARD and it hurts. The proper thing to do when a deer bites you is probably to freeze and draw back slowly. I tried screaming and shaking instead. My method was ineffective. It seems like the deer was biting and shaking for several minutes, but it was likely only several seconds. I, being smarter than a deer (though you may be questioning that claim by now) tricked it. While I kept it busy tearing the hound out of my right arm, I reached up with my left hand and pulled that rope loose.
That was when I got my final lesson in deer behavior for the day. Deer will strike at you with their front feet. They rear right up on their back feet and strike right about head and shoulder level, and their hooves are surprisingly sharp. I learned a long time ago that when an animal like a horse strikes at you with their hooves and you can't get away easily, the best thing to do is try to make a loud noise and make an aggressive move towards the animal. This will usually cause them to back down a bit so you can escape. This was not a horse. This was a deer, so obviously such trickery would not work. In the course of a millisecond I devised a different strategy. I screamed like woman and tried to turn and run. The reason I had always been told NOT to try to turn and run from a horse that paws at you is that there is a good chance that it will hit you in the back of the head. Deer may not be so different from horses after all, besides being twice as strong and three times as evil, because the second I turned to run, it hit me right in the back of the head and knocked me down.
Now when a deer paws at you and knocks you down it doesn't immediately leave. I suspect it does not recognize that the danger has passed. What they do instead is paw your back and jump up and down on you while you are laying there crying like a little girl and covering your head. I finally managed to crawl under the truck and the deer went away.
...........Now for the local legend...........
I was pretty beat up. My scalp was split open, I had several large goose eggs, my wrist was bleeding pretty good and felt broken (it turned out to be just badly bruised) and my back was bleeding in a few places, though my insulated canvas jacket had protected me from most of the worst of it. I drove to the nearest place, which was the co-op. I got out of the truck, covered in blood and dust and looking like I'd just come from a barroom brawl. The guy who ran the place saw me through the window and came running out yelling "what happened" I have never seen any law in the state of Kansas that would prohibit an individual from roping a deer. I suspect that this is an area that they have overlooked entirely.
Knowing, as I do, the lengths to which law enforcement personnel will go to exercise their power, I was concerned that they may find a way to twist the existing laws to paint my actions as criminal.
I swear, not wanting to admit that I had done something monumentally stupid played no part in my response. I told him "I was attacked by a deer." I did not mention that at the time I had a rope on it. The evidence was all over my body. Deer prints on the back of my jacket where it had stomped all over me and a large deer print on my face where it had struck me there. I asked him to call somebody to come get me. I didn't think I could make it home on my own. He did. Later that afternoon, a game warden showed up at my house and wanted to know about the deer attack.
Surprisingly, deer attacks are a rare thing and wildlife and parks was interested in the event. I tried to describe the attack as completely and accurately as I could. I was filling the grain hopper and this deer came out of nowhere and just started kicking the hell out of me and BIT me. It was obviously rabid or insane or something. EVERYBODY for miles around knows about the deer attack (the guy at the co-op has a big mouth).
For several weeks people dragged their kids in the house when they saw deer around and the local ranchers carried rifles when they filled their feeders.
I have told several people the story, but NEVER anybody around here. I have to see these people every day and as an outsider, a "city folk," I have enough trouble fitting in without them snickering behind my back and whispering "there is the dumb-butt that tried to rope the deer."
Author unknown (for OBVIOUS REASONS)!
Time for Some Halloween Costumes
Humans and animals…
Bill Cosby Tells It Like It Is
Bill Cosby recently co-authored a book. He was out and about recently and I was so bowled over by the power of his truth…and excerpt below:
They're standing on the corner and they can't speak English. I can't even talk the way these people talk:
Why you ain't,
Where you is,
What he drive,
Where he stay,
Where he work,
Who you be...
And I blamed the kid until I heard the mother talk.
And then I heard the father talk.
Everybody knows it's important to speak English except these knuckleheads. You can't be a doctor with that kind of crap coming out of your mouth.
In fact you will never get any kind of job making a decent living. People marched and were hit in the face with rocks to get an education, and now
we've got these knuckleheads walking around. The lower economic people are not holding up their end in this deal.
These people are not parenting. They are buying things for kids. $500 sneakers for what ? ?
And they won't spend $200 for Hooked on Phonics.
I am talking about these people who cry when their son is standing there in an orange suit.
Where were you when he was 2 ? ?
Where were you when he was 12 ? ?
Where were you when he was 18 and how come you didn't know that he had a pistol ? ?
And where is the father ? ? Or who is his father ?
People putting their clothes on backward: Isn't that a sign of something gone wrong?
People with their hats on backward, pants down around the crack, isn't that a sign of something ? ?
Or are you waiting for Jesus to pull his pants up ?
Isn't it a sign of something when she has her dress all the way up and got all type of needles [piercing] going through her body?
What part of Africa did this come from??
We are not Africans. Those people are not Africans; they don't know a thing about Africa .
With names like Shaniqua, Taliqua and Mohammed and all of that crap, and all of them are in jail.
Brown or black versus the Board of Education is no longer the white person's problem.
We have got to take the neighborhood back.
People used to be ashamed. Today a woman has eight children with eight different 'husbands' -- or men or whatever you call them now.
We have millionaire football players who cannot read.
We have million-dollar basketball players who can't write two paragraphs. We, as black folks, have to do a better job.
We have to start holding each other to a higher standard.
We cannot blame the white people any longer."
Dr. William Henry "Bill" Cosby, Jr., Ed.D. /blockquote>
Dog With a Heart
Well it IS a Miscellany post…
Food Ads-the Glossy versus the Actual
They ought to do a study of clothes…like how they look on the model, then how they look on ME.
Ugly Shoes That Feel So Beautiful
Yes I plopped down fourteen bucks and bought me a pair.
When I first saw these shoes, on a neighbor child of all people, I wondered what was that mother thinking?
As time went on I noticed that lots of people were wearing these weird plastic type shoes with holes all around, a strap around the hell to hold the shoe on and always ugly as hell.
It began with the gardening trogs. Indeed I have a fine pair of plastic type shoes that were hyped as the cool shoes for the gardener who can, after a day with the plants, just squirt the things clean with a gardening hose. The gardening things, however, didn’t have holes or that flip-flop strap.
Of course my ugly shoes of a recent purchase have little fake jewels affixed over the top because hey, women gotta have SOME decoration.
Folks, these shoes are so comfortable and I know that these are how our feet were meant to be attired. I am told that President Bush was recently photographed on his ranch wearing a pair of the things.
The joke’s on us, folks. For across the fruited plains Americans are raving about these ugly shoes that mold to our feet so that they become part of our feet.
And they’re very cheap. My fourteen bucks was likely extra for the shining jewels but they were selling these things at the Delaware State Fair for around eight bucks.
The irony is that for all the many years of designing shoes at all costs, styles and flavors, the best shoe of all would be made of plastic and ugly as all get-out.
Ending With a Halloween Smile
…in case you didn’t know.