The Hersch, Albright, Woodward and Holbrooke Agendas

09/12/2004

The Hersch, Albright, Woodward and Holbrooke Agendas

This entry’s title is fashioned as it is in Grandmother’s attempt to be rather forceful in using proper surnames before the noun “Agendas”. Because, sweet Kaitlyn, all of the people in the title have very definite and firm agendas that have nothing to do with me, you and your sweet young American child’s bright future.

Grandmother acknowledges that this might seem like a boring entry to a future be speckled Kaitlyn Mae struggling to read the tome that is her Grandmother’s Blog. So I promise to explain who the people are as listed and also, that Kaitlyn may smile, I will make fun of everything funny about them.

There’s also that little matter of agendas, the heart of the entry, which Grandmother will deal with forthwith.

Agendas, Granddaughter, are not, let Grandmother state right now, bad things. In fact, every happening human being on the planet should have a definite and clear agenda of their own. The sum total of a personal agenda might well be to stay alive while another’s might have thousands, endless even, entries. Thus a bright young woman like Kaitlyn might have as part of her personal agenda the desire to be a Journalist and report on site during a war. Kaitlyn too will likely wish to remain alive so she will have at least one additional item on her personal agenda than the fellow who simply wants to live.

The guy who wants to live won’t be competition in any Journalistic arena Kaitlyn might enter as this fellow sure doesn’t want to be shot at being that all he wants is to live. Kaitlyn wants to live as well as the life-at-any-cost fellow but she is willing to take a slight risk to achieve the second thing on her agenda, which is to report war time activities.

It certainly gets much more complicated than this and often agendas intertwine and overlap but we’ll accept the simplistic example with an understanding that an agenda is a list of things people want to do.

Mighty businesses and great political parties across the land exist to push their own agendas and not much could be finer than that. But in order that we may all protect ourselves from being sucked into the fulfillment of another’s agenda while getting nothing on our personal agenda ALSO fulfilled, well, that would be dumb, Kaitlyn. If the fellow across the hall doesn’t want to work, being a lazy sort, and he convinces Grandmother to work twice as hard to support him in the fulfillment of his own agenda of a lifetime of laziness, then Grandmother better have some of her own agenda being fulfilled as well to enter into this sort of lopsided arrangement. Which could be, Kaitlyn, as some women will marry a man and support his agenda of laziness because on some level HE is fulfilling a love, who knows maybe even a sexual, need.

All of nature works on individual agendas, Kaitlyn, in fact, so prevalent is the concept. Flowers don’t put out sweet nectar because they like it. Indeed producing nectar is hard work, Grandmother supposes as she tries to imagine flowers actually working. Flowers produce nectar to entice bees and butterflies and hummingbirds. These birds and insects need the flower’s nectar for nourishment, indeed their very life, so they very willingly accept the kind offers throughout the flower bed.

But ah, the flowers, Kaitlyn, they cannot walk about or attend the singles’ clubs. Thus the sneaky flowers attach their pollen to the feet of the foraging insects. The unwittingly obliging insects move to savor the nectar of that cute sunflower across town and the pollen of the first flower fertilizes the seed of the sunflower.

Without the help of the insects the flowers would not reproduce. No reproduction, no more flowers. It would seem, Kaitlyn, the flowers only want to live.

The hummingbirds of this world are pretty little birds, but damn if they are going to carry pollen around for lazy flowers for nothing! So the flowers, practical fellows, offer nectar as form of paycheck.

The politicians, Kaitlyn, all have agendas. The trick is to vote for the ones whose agendas match, as close as possible, your own. It’s why felons, labor unions, and dead people all vote Democrat. Their lifestyle fits the Democrat agenda.

This might surprise you, Granddaughter, but sometimes the politicians want to fool you. And if one isn’t paying attention one could get swept into the tide of votes cast on wrong assumptions, lies even!

The morning talk shows on this day of our Lord 9/12/04 were chock full of a whole bunch of politicos out singing their own songs and pushing their own agendas. Grandmother saw through it and will, as expected, share will Kaitlyn, the nuance of it all. And more importantly, how improperly following their personal agendas might mean Burqas or endless terrorist attacks in Kaitlyn’s future.

Madeline Albright is the former Secretary of State under Bill Clinton. She resembles a kind cleaning lady and in fact, was once mistaken for the office maintenance staff by a group of Diplomats from somewhere. Tres embarrassant, Kaitlyn.

Another funny Albright story is the day she chased Yassar Arafat down the stairs and to the embassy gate when he walked out of the Paris Peace talks in anger. Yassar Arafat is the granddaddy of Mideast terrorism and under the Bush administration he is banned to a smelly basement in his old palace. Under President Clinton, Arafat was the number one White House visitor they loved him so much.

Madeline Albright also never knew she was Jewish until her mid-50’s, about Grandmother’s age here but Grandmother knew she wasn’t Jewish when she was five, maybe sooner. And finally, who can forget the infamous “Green Room” chat this goofball had with Mort Kondracke, a political pundit who wasn’t at all shy about sharing with the Fox audience. Seriously, so Kondracke swears, Albright asked him if he believed the Bush has Osama on ice, ready to bring out shortly before the election. Sure the tin foil crowd believes this but one likes to think a former Secretary of State wouldn’t be a little more, eh, stable, don’t you think? Albright’s agenda, as Grandmother wisely discerns, is to a)not be thought as a kook and b)get John Kerry elected as the Dem party likes kooks and loves Arafat.

Seymore Hersch is a writer whose claim to fame was his involvement, eons ago, in the drumbeat that got President Richard Nixon to resign. Bob Woodward has a similar claim to fame in that he represented the Washington Post in investigating the Watergate scandal.

Both of them are has-beens and frankly, Kaitlyn, it’s a little bit sad. Especially the Hersch character who was all over the TV hyping his new book about our military’s current abuse of our prisoners of war. Abu Gharab is a prison in Baghdad, Kaitlyn, and the big scandal of the war on terror is that some of our silly soldiers had these guys stand on small boxes while wearing women’s underpants on their head.

I don’t know, Kaitlyn, why the soldiers or MP’s or whatever they were, did this. But you can be sure that the liberal press did everything in their power to burn this rare sort of incident into our brains as if the actions of maybe five stupid soldiers could overshadow the heroics of our young American men and women sacrificing their lives for the Iraqi people. Seymore Hersch ain’t giving it up. Though the terrorist had to kind of ruin it all with a recent spate of televised beheadings that the American public thought much more horrific than that Frat party at Abu Gharab.

On both Woodward and Hersch’s agendas are a)regain their former glory via the Democrat party which does, as we know Kaitlyn, quite encourage the trashing of our military and b)get John Kerry elected, himself a fine example of a Dem that enjoys pillorying the armed forces.

Hal Holbrooke is a former US representative to the United Nations under Bill Clinton and is currently foreign affairs advisor to the Kerry campaign. Dr. Holbrooke went on and on about how the US was screwing up the war in Iraq, not that he is any sort of army General or anything. Since Holbrooke is on the Kerry campaign staff, we may wisely deduce, that Holbrooke is a Democrat and no mind his weeny appeasement policies towards terrorism, we can be pretty sure he a)wants to be the next National Intelligence Advisor and to that end he b)wants to get John Kerry elected.

So there you have it. Once there is a clear understanding of another’s agenda, human commerce will continue on in a that compromising manner of the ages that pleases as many as possible. Much like the flowers.

The Democrat party, Kaitlyn, depends on the many Americans who are not wise enough to discern the agenda of that obscene phone caller on the other end of the line. They hope that their constituents will accept their wise-ness in that they are writers by golly and if they don’t write, well they’re on TV aren’t they? They must be somebody important, so they think, and who are you, the dimbulb American watching me talk and tell my version of the truth. Which should be, so they think again, your version of the truth.

Always look behind the person with whom you may be negotiating, Kaitlyn, be they trying to sell you a car or offering you a job. Ascertain their agendas then make their agenda match yours in some form or fashion.

It’s a simple as that, Kaitlyn, and don’t say Grandmother never explained it to you.