Wednesday

The Apprentice Chris Has a Really Bad Week; Guest Writer-Arms Akimbo;Fish Giggles-Haircuts for Balding Men

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Brochures and Coming Down to the Wire

Looks like Apprentice would-be Chris had a bad week last week. He not only was fired from the competition, seems he got arrested. In a casino. And it wasn't Trump's.

The Apprentice Contestant "Chris" arrested

Monday, April 11, 2005 Posted: 1:24 PM EDT (1724 GMT)

TAMPA, Florida (AP) -- Real estate millionaire Chris Shelton, a contestant on NBC's "The Apprentice," was arrested on a disorderly conduct charge.

Shelton, 22, one of six remaining contestants competing for a job with Donald Trump, was taken into custody early Sunday at the Seminole Hard Rock Hotel & Casino. He was released after posting $250 bail.


It really was time for Chris to go. He'd been on a losing team nine times. This past week he was the project manager of the losing team.

It's gotten so the teams-Net Worth and Magna, have gotten hard to differentiate. The book smart team has been all but annihilated. The teams then had to trade and choose replacements so much that hey, there were teams of three: Bren, Chris and Alex on one team, Tanna, Kendra and Craig on the other.

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The task this past week was to design a brochure for a car. Each team had a bevy of photographers and graphic designers and boom, it would be done.

Chris' team produced the worst brochure imaginable. Add to it Bren's boring and dry verbiage and Chris' horrific presentation. The man totally makes up words. Interiorially? Exteriorially? If this guy is so smart than there is no such thing as stupid.

I'll never know why on earth they put that blurry car picture at the front of the brochure. Such as blurry car pictures are not lost on me, the idea being the blurriness is caused by motion. Speedy motion being a much desired feature of a handsome car. First, THAT blurry pic was awful. A blurred picture should manage to reveal the entirety of the car. The picture these guys chose for the happening blurry image of a car scooting along didn't look like a photographer's creativity. It looked like something I would take with my cell phone. Second, it might have been fine as part of a picture collage sort of happening car moving fast as it should be. It was definitely not premier picture status.

For the other team, Kendra did all the work as the audience saw with their own eyeballs. She stayed up deep into the night while Craig and Tanna sacked out. Those two had previously cast aspersions on Kendra's self-proclaimed extensive experience in brochure design. This caused Kendra to vow to do it all by herself and she did!

Of course she bitched about it. The problem was that this task was the sort of thing that would be better handled by only one person. Witness the opposing team. Alex was supposed to supervise the photography and failed to get a picture of the car's crest. Bren was supposed to write the prose and he did. A bunch of words that a brochure reader will never read. Brochures are about pictures, colors and headlined text.

To make this task a group effort would require one person to have the brochure vision in their head and assign tasks based on that vision and that vision alone. Kendra didn't have enough advanced vision to direct and supervise tasks for her team. She had to sit down and create. Which she did.

And she did a fine job.



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Christian

copyright 2005 Michelle Hakala

Her Web Site is the Desk Drawer


I took a newcomer to see a live play last week. He's Joyce's first
grandson, and this year he's five. The show was great (The Wizard of
Oz) and Christian enjoyed it immensely, although the scary witch parts
he wasn't so sure about during the performance.

After the show on the way home, his mom asked him what his favorite
part was:

"My favorite part?"

"Yes, what was your favorite part of the show?"

"My favorite part was... it wasn't the mean witch. No, it wasn't
that."

Silence for two blocks... then: "You wanna know what my favorite part
was?"

"Yes, Christian, I want to know what your favorite part was."

"My... my favorite part was when Dorfy frew water on the mean witch
and killed her!"

He was a kick. The best part for me, though, was before the show even
started.

We'd arrived at the parking garage and the four of us got out of the
car: me, Joyce, Joyce's daughter, and Christian. He's been
taught about roads, and that includes parking garages. He asked me if
he could hold my hand -- he wanted to get to the other side of the
car, where Mom and Grandma were, but knew he couldn't unless he was
holding an adult's hand. Guess I qualified. I told him he could.

The feel of that very small hand in mine was odd, but not
uncomfortable. We walked together to the other side of the car. I had
supposed he would transfer to Mom or Grandma, but he didn't. He
continued to hold my hand out of the garage, across the street, and to
the gates of the theatre.

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We joined the crowd already waiting for the gates to open. Christian
walked around me, leaning out as far as he could go, and my arm
stretched out with him. I told Joyce I needed a longer arm.

She looked, and told Christian not to walk so far away.

"Why?" he asked (a common question throughout the evening).

"Because you might pull Michelle's arm out of the socket. It'll fall
off."

Silence. The five-year-old looked at me and then gravely examined the
arm in question. After a moment, he released my hand and transferred
to Joyce's.

We couldn't help but laugh. Obviously I'm much more fragile than
Grandma if my arm will come loose at any second... and he didn't want
to chance that it might happen while he was holding onto it.

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Husband Submits This Picture
Well it's not all THAT funny. But the man loves to make fun of bald people.
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