Quotables-The Coultergeist, Jefferson, Thoreau; Know Your Paycheck-No You Don't; Fishgiggles-Puns

 

"The spirit of resistance to government is so valuable on certain occasions, that I wish it to be always kept alive."

- Thomas Jefferson

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The question is not what you look at, but what you see!
Henry David Thoreau

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COULTERGEIST

"Democrats are in an incomprehensible rage over the filibuster. Republicans have got to learn to stop getting into technicalities with the Democrats. They win in the dark; we win in the light. And it doesn't get much darker than a discussion of the Senate filibuster. It's no excuse that the Democrats are lying. They do that all the time. Republicans have got to learn to let it go."

- Columnist Ann Coulter

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The Quote This Week That Says It All

Thanks to Chuck Muth of Muth’s Truths

FAMOUS LAST WORDS

"Once created, federal programs are nearly impossible to eliminate."

- Rep. Ron Paul (R-Texas)

 


Knowing Your Paycheck-Getting to “Net Pay”

Yon readers should refer to the first chapter about knowing your paycheck

Okay so nobody read it but I’m going to keep writing about it. Who knows, maybe someday they’ll teach understanding your paycheck in school instead of, say, “Sexual Exploration in the New Millennium”. Because I’ve spent thirty years explaining to people their paychecks now finally I’m going to sit down and explain it, once and for all. Folks who don’t understand their paycheck to include mighty CEO’s, attorneys, doctors, even bankers give me a break.

So in the first installment of my lesson nobody reads though it’s the best on the subject anyone will ever get for free, I went through a simple exercise in gross pay, adjusted gross pay to how federal tax withholdings are calculated.

Still we have not gotten to the net pay, that bottom line number that hits the checking account.

Because after the federal tax withholding is deducted from the adjusted gross pay, next come state withholding tax, then local tax if applicable. After that we’re at the net.

Now don’t shake your head. Taxes are the first things deducted from your paycheck. After the government takes about 30% of your paycheck, that is your after tax income.

Sure you have things like uniform deductions, 401-K, health insurance. These things are deducted from your after tax income. Indeed if you had no deductions at all from your paycheck beyond taxes the after tax income would also be your net pay.

Remember here that while such as 401-K and health insurance deductions are deducted from your gross pay for purposes of calculating your tax withholding, the actual amount still has to be deducted from your after tax paycheck.

Voluntary deductions are, well, voluntary. Taxes are not voluntary.

After taxes and voluntary deductions are deducted from your gross pay, ah, we finally have the net.

 


No wait.

There’s something called a garnishment being withheld. ‘I didn’t volunteer to be garnished’ one might say.

You see paychecks are such an important document that the government certainly, but also creditors know it is the best way to get money due. That is BEFORE the recipient gets his or her hands on it.

How paycheck garnishments are handled varies from state to state and I suspect there’s as many specificities to paycheck garnishments as there are states in the union. At least. If not more.

What is universal across the country is that no paycheck can be garnished by a creditor without a court order. Which means the garnishor had to go through a court of law and show proof of liability instead of, say, dating the payroll chick and mentioning Ralph in Receiving owes you twenty bucks. Which also means that anyone whose paycheck is garnished and claims to be unaware of why or how much, is lying. Summons’ are served. There’s usually plenty of notice. If one chooses to ignore a court order believe now that the payroll department will not ignore it. A company must honor a court order to garnish a paycheck or that company will have to pay the garnished amount from corporate funds.

It’s the same with child support and any tax garnishment. People know about these things but figure what? That they’ll never catch me?

They go right after that most valuable and informative document in your life.

You know, the one you don’t understand?


 


Puns

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my electron."
The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."

A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you,
but don't start anything."

A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry we don't serve
food in here".

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A
beer please, and one for the road."

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this
taste funny to you?"

 


An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to
look at either.

Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find
any.

I went to the butcher's the other day and I bet him 50 bucks that he
couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are
too high."

A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted,
Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you
can't - I cut off your arms!"

Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, "Is the bar tender here?"