The Power of the Pearly Whites

02/26/2004 9:07:23 AM

The Power of the Pearly Whites-Cleetus Lesson #2

Kaitlyn,

In my last entry I waxed wise about the power of eyes. But in those pictures your Mom sends me I also note your smile. The day you were born you gave me a great big smile, Kaitlyn. But you know that, right?

Well it would seem that master of the power of the face, Cleetus the nasty dachshund, has yet another face-tool up his sleeve. Not that he has sleeves or anything what with arms only two inches long. At any rate, we all can learn a lesson from Cleetus, Kaitlyn. That would be the power of teeth.

I know you don’t have teeth yet, Kaitlyn. But someday you shall. When you get those teeth, Kaitlyn, two things: a)ask me how I removed my own wisdom tooth and b)read below and learn how to use those teeth to maximum effect.

I am now reminded that not too far down the road you will start to talk.

Oh you’ll start crawling and begin to walk and these are amazing things. But when little human babies begin to talk, well there’s just nothing like it.

Used to be I considered humans were the only animals to talk to each other but I now know this is not true. Though humans do perform things with language that no other animal in the Kingdom does. You’ll understand just what soon enough, Kaitlyn.

About the other animals talking to each other … yes they do. In fact, I have an admiration of sorts for the brevity of the animal language. Either of my dogs can simply show their teeth and hey, they’ve said a mouthful. More often than not the dogs show their teeth to each other but there are times that the cats must be shown teeth. Rarely, but it happens, even I have had teeth shown to me though this is mostly a spontaneous dog reaction to some sudden surprise human action that they weren’t expecting. Dogs shouldn’t be showing their teeth to their human owners is what I’m saying here, that is if they want their next meal on time or don’t want to incur human wrath.

They show their teeth to each other quite often and how simple is this act to tell the other guy to back off? All over this country, Kaitlyn, there are bars and taverns and street corners. Humans congregate and at times there is needed a method of forcefully creating space between warring factions.

Guy A makes eyeballs at Guy B’s girlfriend. Joe Blow 1 is following Joe Blow 2 too closely on the highway. John Doe I is eyeballing John Doe II’s wallet a bit to covetously.

I should think a simple matter of showing teeth would be a fine way to communicate between these disputing couples that a backing off of the insulting action is required. Though I envision a New Jersey Turnpike filled with half the drivers showing their teeth into rear view mirrors at the other half of the drivers following too close. And a fellow flashing a few ivory whites to another fellow approaching his girlfriend has a certain panache I’d admire.

Though I must admonish that the manner of flashing teeth is all important. It should not be a smile thing. The dogs have it figured out and even the cats understand it. If big Belgian Shepherd is sitting big galoot style on the floor, tongue hanging to the side and teeth visible due to the opened and panting mouth, the cats know this is not a dangerous thing though, you understand, her teeth are plainly in sight.

But let the shepherd pull her lips back ever so slightly to reveal tightly clenched teeth below, well this is not a good thing. Let those dog lips begin to quiver and any cat close by should be taking a hike. Which the cats do very quickly because no matter if said feline has committed no offense, the cat does know the dog is angry. Better to scoot and ask questions later.

The cats also speak to each other, and other species, quite well. Growling is a universal sign that an animal is angered. Almost all animals growl, that guttural sound that springs from a throat full of taut vocal chords. Human beings actually should growl more. There are plenty of times that I’d like to give my husband a simple growl that he would leave me alone. Sometimes I don’t want to make pleasant small talk, sometimes his reminisces bore me, sometimes, well who knows what? But it seems to me that by emitting a short growl my message would be heard.

Still, Kaitlyn Mae, human beings do have a way of communicating that encompasses everything from nuance to shouts. But language is language and all animals have one.

What the animals of the Kingdom cannot do, Kaitlyn, is just what you have completed doing. Which is reading this missive, my language to you preserved for later consumption.

Be pretty boring to read a whole book about showing your teeth.