Mom Mom Meets Kaitlyn Mae

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05/11/2004 5:35 PM

Mom Mom Meets Ms. Kaitlyn Mae
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This is a grandmother type of entry, Kaitlyn, and likely boring for the political readers. So let me try to intrigue with the notion that as I follow the life of Kaitlyn Mae I will contrast it to national events and their potential effect on the future American citizen to be known as Kaitlyn Mae Frey. I think it’s a pretty name.

Anyway, through no fault of your own you have, lo these first four months since your birth, failed to “wow” me on any level. Fear not young sweet baby girl, for grandmother loves you even though you inherited your father’s total lack of lips and that lazy eye. I tell him about it, too. Your grandmother, Kaitlyn, brings only the finest of genes into the equation from a lineage documented and proven to go back to 1763 in this country. Save for a few marriages to a first cousin or two, the genes are cleansed and strong from my side of the family. Mental health is a whole nother issue and will be discussed in a later chapter.

When I say you’ve yet to “wow” me, it’s really grandmother being a bit selfish. For I want to discuss the war in Iraq with you, young Kaitlyn. I want to walk around my flower beds with you, showing you the happy pansies and explaining just why this will grow and this won’t. I want to identify the birds singing in your surround so when you hear the sound without grandmother in attendance you will know that only the wren sings in the winter and a catbird’s song is the loveliest.

So far in your first few months of life I’ve yet to do any of this with you, Kaitlyn. So when your Mom and Dad drove down to kill two birds (not that your parents kill birds, Kaitlyn) with one stone to visit both grandparents for Mothers’ Day, I was delighted to finally meet you. Because for the first time grandmother got a real peak into the personality of my first granddaughter, Kaitlyn Mae.

I’ve explained to your parents that with immediate psychotherapy and entrance to a special school, it will likely be okay.

Hahahahahaha, Kaitlyn, I made a joke.

Which you will probably laugh at my joke Kaitlyn because you are definitely a person who loves to laugh. One of my fondest memories is your mother standing behind you and laughing, just laughing and making laughing sounds. She’s a nut anyway. Grandmother was holding Kaitlyn who responded to her mother’s maniacal laugh coming from over Mom Mom’s shoulder with sweet little baby giggles and guffaws of her own.

I was wowed.

Evidently the two of you have a great time just sitting around and giggling so I had to laugh myself. Not a joke in sight and we’re all just laughing.

You also are quite adept with the toy things, Kaitlyn, and you got to meet my big dog, Jo-Ann, who grandmother fears might tear Kaitlyn limb to limb in her exuberance. Your eyes immediately darted down to the big dog at your Dad’s knee and I knew then that you rather liked what you saw.

You did seem to like that big dog, Kaitlyn and I certainly hope so. We are a family of animal lovers, Kaitlyn, including your Dad. The big dog did think Kaitlyn was quite the sweet little thing though she had no idea just what, exactly, you were Kaitlyn Mae. Jo-Ann thought you were some sort of human puppy but there were times when your pudgy hands made a scary move of some sort and the dog barked a warning. Causing you to only get more curious about the dog making all that strange noise in front of Kaitlyn Mae. You certainly were not scared.

At this point I think Jo-Ann “gets” it and understands that Kaitlyn is a human puppy and grandmother, Jo-Ann’s stern owner, would not be happy should Jo-Ann harm Kaitlyn Mae. The dog licked you all over, Kaitlyn and nothing we could do would stop her. Made all the more difficult by Kaitlyn Mae enjoying all that licking so much that she encouraged the dog and don’t tell me not. Jo-Ann connected with you Kaitlyn, and understood that the proper thing for introduction was a thorough licking and Kaitlyn approved. She licked your face, your hands, your feet, Kaitlyn the dog loved licking your tiny feet and Kaitlyn’s laughing with the feeling. Jo-Ann established that she was a dog and would lick tiny Kaitlyn, a strange but essentially boring sort of human thing from Jo-Ann’s perspective, in agreement with those terms. Kaitlyn smiled and laughed in human response to the terms.

So far as Jo-Ann sees it the human Kaitlyn does not throw the ball but her father does. Jo-Ann thinks Dad is a way more interesting human than this Kaitlyn thing the humans fawn over.

Sadly, Kaitlyn, you still have failed to “wow” Jo-Ann.