Those Whacky Democwats

7/27/2004

Oh Those Wacky Democrats!

I debated myself mentally and very long and hard whether to bother with this missive about the 2004 Democratic convention in this year of our Lord, Kaitlyn Mae. Finally myself won and I decided, hey, thirty years from now when Kaitlyn Mae might read this my details might be funnier and more interesting than the history books of her era. At least this is how grandmother sees it, Kaitlyn.

Today I’d really like to read a homespun missive such as this written during the infamous Dukakis campaign when he got it into his head he’d don a dashing military hard hat, complete with goggles, and pose with his upper torso sticking out of a tank. Add the man’s silly grin and he looked like Bugs Bunny emerging from his rabbit hole after he done stole Elmer Fudd’s hat and decided to wear it himself.

So along that well-intentioned vein, Kaitlyn, let me tell you about John F. Kerry and how he got it into his head to dress up as some sort of white sperm device.

You read that right Kaitlyn because just as soon as grandmother saw Kerry in this sterile white coverall with white hood with an opening just big enough to frame one’s face in an oval, she thought he looked like the sperm awaiting delivery in that Woody Allen movie “Everything You Wanted to Know About Sex But Were Afraid to Ask”. Which was a pretty good book in its day, Kaitlyn, but why they made it into a movie, well I suppose it was a spoof of sorts.

In one part of the movie a whole bunch of sperm cells, you read that right, Kaitlyn, the male reproductive cell and it is the proper term, were awaiting in a tubule of some sort. The “sperm” were human actors dressed in monochromatic white outfits to resemble someone’s concept of what a human dressed as a sperm would look like. One of the little sperm actors in this ostensible tubule and awaiting exit to the unique ecstasy of fertilizing an egg was black and he kept wondering around asking “what am I doing here?” Okay, so maybe you had to be there, Kaitlyn, but dear Lord it’s one of the funniest movie scenes in all of cinema.

So Kerry looks like one of Woody Allen’s concept of a sperm as if the man isn’t, as of this writing, dangerously skirting becoming a national buffoon already.

Kaitlyn, I don’t know where the Democratic party gets its polls because according to them Kerry is tied or leading Bush. A statistic that gives me much pause because hand to God, Kaitlyn, in any setting from racetrack to email, when I ask another American if they are voting for Kerry the first thing they do is snicker. I’m talking all stripes, colors and shapes, here, Kaitlyn, though grandmother knows her own personal poll as described is entirely anecdotal.

This is the second day of the 2004 Democratic convention and so far, well, so far it’s been hilarious. Understanding here Kaitlyn, that grandmother’s perspective is her own and others, not as wise as your mother once removed, might see things differently.

These peoples’ hate for President Bush is simply incomprehensible. I mean, I didn’t especially like William Jefferson Clinton, master of the Oral Office but my dislike of the fool wasn’t as visceral. I think about it all the time, Kaitlyn, and I ponder the lack of reasoning for their hatred.

Okay, let’s agree for the moment that Dubya is a dolt as they envision him, a little short on the gray matter with a shoulder-shirking smirk that at times can annoy. Kaitlyn, he behaves perfectly in public, is always dressed appropriate, arrives and leaves on time, does not abuse silly interns and is generally personable. This is to say that we all have an affable dolt in our lives and while we might give him short shrift we don’t hate him.

How has the man failed in his presidential duties? When the country was attacked he took us to Afghanistan and wiped out the Taliban then running that lawless country, then onto Iraq where our army took down one of the thorns in the world’s side for now over 20 years, Saddam Hussein.

The congress, Kaitlyn, the House and the Senate, agreed to allow the President to wage that war but good Lord you should hear the Democrats now you’d think the ones who voted for the war had been drawn and threatened with quartering should they not vote with Bush. Dubya also went to the UN who had passed a gazillion resolutions about this guy and I could write resolutions all day too. Such as grandmother resolution # 3574: Kaitlyn shall never have a dirty bedroom.

You see, I can do this too, Kaitlyn. And of course you will comply because, well hey, if you don’t comply this time maybe you will the next time and in either case I can always pass another resolution.

Bush did everything our elected congress critters asked him to do, by legislative and lawful means.

They get up and lie like troopers, every one of them, just lie with a smile and wink in their eye.

Their followers are the loonies of this country all gathered under one political party’s umbrella. Now someone has to represent the loonies of the country, Kaitlyn, and if that’s the road the Dems want to go down then let grandmother shut up.

But to base honest political debate on lies and hate, well grandmother doesn’t see this as conducive to a national dialogue at all. An example, the current national debate over legitimizing homosexual marriage. Grandmother thinks that well spoken representatives of the gay community should present their arguments in thoughtful statements. A rebuttal would come from those opposed. Instead, they rant and rave over Bush’s extreme religion and yes even believing in God is some sort of crime if your name is George W. Bush.

We must end now Kaitlyn Mae as it is the second night and the smashing comedy is about to begin anew.