Delaware-The Little State That Could

Delaware-Three Electoral Votes and Ready to Rumble

09/26/2004

The Little State That Could
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Myself had chance to hear the debates between all of the Gubernatorial candidates and I do, as expected, have an opinion.

Let’s begin with Libertarian candidate Frank Infante. Frank, let’s talk about that voice of yours.

Now far be the wise I to think that people with voices that sound like sandpaper being ground against a chalkboard should not be allowed to be Governor. In fact, Delaware would be a fine state in which to practice being a Governor. If the citizens don’t kill you to save their ears, then you can go on and run for Governor in a real state.

The Libertarian party, whew, I’m still trying to get a handle on them. All I know now is that they believe drugs and prostitution should be legal and they’re very popular out in Nevada. I’d take a Libertarian party candidate over a Democrat any day. But I’m not sure one with that voice.

Oh pshaw, I am just kidding. Still, hey Frank, lay off them cigarettes. Besides, it’s illegal in the People’s Republic of Delaware.

Judge Bill Lee is the Republican candidate for Governor and Mr. Lee, Mr. Lee (she sings and waves her arms to the 50’s song) you now officially have my endorsement.

Next campaign commercial, feel free to add blurb “endorsed by Kaitlyn Mae’s Grandmother”. They’ll know what you’re talking about.

Though I must caution your soft, but very visible, waffling about House Bill 99. We don’t need no HB 99 and you know it, Mr. Lee. And to so assert is not indicative of homophobia or any fear of homosexuals. I live eight miles from Rehobeth Beach for God’s sake.

I’m also impressed by the fact that you were the presiding Judge at the trial of Thomas Capano. At the time of that infamous murder I only thought of Delaware as a tollgate on 95. But it was possibly one of the more interesting true crimes of our time.

Governor Minner, please, hon, for your health and Delaware’s health, wrap it up. Go home. You’ve already speared small businesses along the coast with your silly anti-smoking law. See, Ruthie, here’s what the other Democrats didn’t tell you. You were supposed to STOP after the tobacco companies forked over all that money. All that tobacco hoopla wasn’t really about helping smokers, go on, call up any state in the union, tell them you’re a smoker and want help stopping, and what is the number of the designated agency surely set up by the state with the funds windfall from the tobacco lawsuit. In fact, Ruthie, how does Kaitlyn’s Grandmother sign up for such a class right here in Delaware as surely you saw to it that such an agency was set it with Delaware’s tobacco suit’s windfall?

But No, Ruth Minner has to be a grey-haired soccer Mom and get all serious about it. So she bans smoking in public places in Delaware, almost crippling its fledgling casino business and driving tourists down the road to Ocean City.

Ahhhhh, praise Nanny Ruth Minner for saving us smokers from ourselves. And for killing us economically by sending tourists with money to spend and gamble to other states.

So that’s my summary of the would-be Governors of Delaware this next term.

Now let’s talk about Joe Biden.

Can this man get any worse?

It was All-Biden All-Day on the political talk shows this past Sunday. Wolf Blitzer tried his darnedest to correct the man’s flagrant lies but Biden had his face in front of a camera and he wasn’t going to let go.

Among his claims-President is now taking John Kerry’s advice on Iraq, snort, snort. The military needs more personnel in Iraq but Bush won’t give it, snort, snort. No, John Kerry is not a flip-flopper, snort, snort.

Joey, you look really ugly carrying Kerry’s water. Especially since he betrayed you by dropping your name as source for Kerry endorsements from overseas imperials. This is one time I believe Kerry because I can just see you trying to make yourself all-important by claiming Chirac hisself phoned you up to endorse Kerry.

Here’s hoping next time the Dems let you run for President Joey because this Grandmother predicts Delaware is going to throw you out along with Nanny Minner.