Classes For Women
…Grandmother thinks some of these course make as much sense as our liberal educational system’s current offerings. Below this, of course, classes for men.
Women think they already know everything, but wait...
training courses are now available for women on the following subjects:
1. Silence, the final frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before
2. The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Making Deposits
3. Combating the Imelda Marcos Syndrome: You Don't Need New Shoes Everyday
3a. Classic Footwear: Wearing Shoes You Already Have. May be taken in
conjunction with #3.
4. Parties: Going without a New Outfit
5. Man Management: Discover How Minor Household Chores Can Wait Until
After the Game
6. Bathroom Etiquette I: Men Need Space in the Bathroom Cabinet, Too
7. Bathroom Etiquette II: His Razor is His
8. Valuation: Just Because it's Not Important to You....
9. Communication Skills I: Tears --- The Last Resort, Not the First
10. Communication Skills II: Thinking Before Speaking
11. Communication Skills III: Getting What You Want, without Nagging
12. Driving a Car Safely: A Skill you CAN Acquire
13. Party Etiquette: Drinking your Fair Share
14. Telephone Skills: How to Hang Up
15. Introduction to Parking
16. Advanced Parking: Reversing into a Space
17. Overcoming Anal Retentive Behavior: Leaving the Towels on the Floor
18. Water retention: Fact or Fat
19. Cooking I: Bring Back Bacon, Eggs and Butter
20. Cooking II: Bran and Tofu are Not For Human Consumption
21. Cooking III: How not to Inflict Your Diets on Other People
22. Classic Clothing: Wearing Outfits You Already Have
23. Household Dust: A Harmless Natural Occurrence Only Women Notice
24. Integrating Your Laundry: Washing It All Together
25. Oil and Gas: Your Car Needs Both
26. "Do These Jeans Make My Butt Look Big?":
Why Men Lie
27. TV Remote: For Men Only
28. Sex: It's for Married Couples, Too
29. Ballet: For Women Only
30. Compliments: Accepting Them Gracefully
31. PMS: Your Problem . . . Not His
32. Dancing: Why Men Don't Like To
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Classes for Men
COURSE OFFERINGS FOR MALES:
1. You too, can do housework.
2. PMS: Learning to keep your mouth shut.
3. Combating stupidity.
4. How to fill an ice tray.
5. We do not want small electrical appliances for Christmas. Give us $$$
and lace.
6. Understanding the female response to your coming in drunk at 4:00 AM.
7. Wonderful laundry techniques (formerly called "Sorting 1A: Don't wash
my silks").
8. Parenting (No, it doesn't end with conception.).
9. Get a life; learn to cook.
10. How not to act like a jerk when you're obviously wrong.
11. Spelling: Even you can get it right.
12. Understanding your financial incompetence.
13. You, the weaker sex.
14. Reasons to give flowers.
15. How to stay awake after sex.
16. You CAN fall asleep without it if you really try.
17. Garbage: Getting it to the curb.
18. The weekend and sports are not synonymous.
19. How to put the toilet seat down.
20. How to go shopping with your mate and not get lost.
21. The remote control: overcoming your dependency.
22. Helpful posture hints for the couch potato.
23. How not to act younger than your children.
24. You, too, can be a designated driver.
25. Honest, you don't look like Mel Gibson, especially when naked.
26. Changing your underwear; it really works.
27. The attainable goal: eliminating %$#@! from your vocabulary.
28. Fluffing the blankets after farting is not necessary.
29. Real men ask for directions.
30. How to park without circling the parking lot more than once.
31. How to place a new roll of toilet paper in the dispenser.
32. Romance after marriage.
33. Accuracy in Aiming 101.
34. Why it is unacceptable to relieve yourself anywhere but in the bathroom.
35. Morning Dilemma - if IT is awake, take a shower.
36. Clint Eastwood and Charles Bronson are not fine actors.
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