Notable Quotables; Fish Giggles; and The Truth About Kaitlyn's Birth

 

Simple Question. Why Should the Answer Be Complicated?

"A Republican president sits in the White House. The GOP enjoys clear majorities in both houses of Congress. If now isn't the time to control federal spending, when will it be?" - John Fund, Political Diary, 2/3/05

The Quote This Week That Says It All
BAD DEAL

"In fact, anyone can end up losing his or her lifelong contributions to Social Security just by dying early." - Elizabeth Crowley, Political Diary, 1/26/05

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We Couldn't Let Ted Kennedy's Wisdom This Week Go Unnoticed

"The nations in the Middle East are independent, except for Iraq, which began the 20th century under Ottoman occupation and is now beginning the 21st century under American occupation."- Sen. Ted Kennedy (D-Berkley)

Gotta love that bit about the other nations in the Middle East being independent.

And for some more Ted Kennedy humor, refer to the cartoon below.
 

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Who's He Talking About? The Ba'Ath party? The Taliban? The Nazis, surely?
Finally, some love and good cheer from the very possible NEW head of the Democratic party, that lovable Fuzzball, Howard Dean!

- Wall Street Journal, 2/3/05"Speaking to a DNC forum in New York over the weekend, (Howard) Dean indulged once again in some of the undisguised loathing of the GOP that was such a hallmark of Democratic Party activism last year. ‘I hate the Republicans and everything they stand for,' he told the audience, ‘but I admire their discipline and their organization.'

 

Here's a little missive I wrote concerning the ahem, rather unusual circumstances of Kaitlyn Mae's birth. Came across it and decided it deserved a Grandmother Blogger entry that sweet Granddaughter never be misled by, um, her mother.
For Immediate Delivery

"She's dilated 9 centimeters," the OB ward physician announced. Beyond anything I could have dreamed it would seem my daughter was about to deliver my first granddaughter and this within less than two hours after she entered the hospital that morning for induced labor.

Even more amazing, this precious child of mine who'd been nothing but a raging hypochondriac for all the years of her life was about to give birth with no indication of any pain but an occasional grunt!

"Is that doctor sure?" I whispered to the "other" grandmother-to- be.

"It's really incredible," Melissa's mother-in-law responded. "When I was about to give birth I threatened to blow up the nurses' cars just as soon as I got out of there."

Of course I recalled my one and only birthing experience when, to my shame, I told the doctors to give me more pain medicine and damn the newborn's health.

I was supposed to believe that this same daughter who once phoned me up to ask if pimples were contagious was about to give birth while she discussed holiday gifts with her nurse?

The nurses scurried in, pushing impressive equipment and hooking up monitors. Melissa's proper obstetrician had been alerted and would be in shortly, they told my daughter along with effusive praise that she was doing such a wonderful job at giving birth.

I didn't believe it for a minute but I said not one word to a soul in that room. I was but a lowly bystander at the event after all but if my daughter was about to give birth than she was either lying or she was betrayer of every female on the planet and nothing less. No way does a woman sing Christmas carols when she's nine centimeters dilated with nothing more than a mild tranquilizer for pain. No way, no how and in no country on the planet earth.

I knew this deep in my bones but I decided to shut up, take a seat and watch the play.

"She's only three centimeters dilated," Melissa's obstetrician soberly informed all the anxious medical personnel and interested parties present. Dr. Singer expertly tugged off her gloves, snapped them for effect and put her hands on her hips to consider this fine mess.

Of course the original physician was wrong; I don't know why. Some four hours later my daughter did give birth. During the act she spit three times on her husband, asked the lord to take her now but torture her vermin husband before taking him, and commanded no one to come near her because she's going to punch.

I was proud of her. She gave birth like a real woman.
 

The Dysfunctional Section of a Hallmark Store...
It's bound to happen, and sooner rather than later. For there are entirely too many dysfunctional families and relationships for Hallmark not to hone in on the market.

In anticipation, below, fifteen potential dysfunctional Hallmark cards.
1. I always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. And now that you've come into my life...
(Inside card) - I've changed my mind.

2. I must admit, you brought religion into my life...
Inside card) - I never believed in Hell until I met you.

3. As the days go by, I think how lucky I am....
(Inside card) - That you're not here to ruin it for me.

4. Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go....
(Inside card) - Will you take the knife from my back? You'll probably need it again.

5. Someday I hope to marry...
(Inside card) - Someone other than you.

6. Happy Birthday! You look great for your age....
(Inside card) - Almost lifelike!

7. When we were together, you said you'd die for me...
(Inside card) - Now we've broken up, I think it's time to keep your promise.

8. We've been friends for a very long time...
(Inside card) - What do you say we stop?

9. I'm so miserable without you...
(Inside card) - It's almost like you're still here.

10. Congratulations on your new bundle of joy....
(Inside card) - Did you ever find out who the father was?

11. You are such a good friend. If we were on a sinking ship and there
was only one life jacket...
(Inside card) - I'd miss you terribly and think of you often.

12. Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday...
(Inside card) - So we're having you put to sleep.

13. Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!
(Available only in Alabama, Mississippi, and Arkansas)

14. Looking back over the years we've been together, I can't help but wonder...
(Inside card) - What was I thinking?

15. Congratulations on your wedding day!...
(Inside card) - Too bad no one likes your husband.