Grocery Store Cheat
"Glade oil refills-2.99".
Boom, the item was added to the grocery list. For such as smell devices are in abundance here in Serendipity Shore what with six cats and two dogs. Regular cleaning of the litter pans and brushing of the dogs is the main action of cleanliness in a pet household. Sometimes, it's best, just in case, to fill the air with a clean smell to compete against random and arbitrary pet smells.
So when these items go on sale I will stock up.
In the cleaning supplies aisle I regard the Glade oil refills and note they are NOT on sale and cost $2.95 each. I go up and down the aisle for surely there's a sale flyer around somewhere. Surely there was a mistake so I figure. Surely an item that costs $2.95 when not on sale cannot be considered a sale at $2.99? Surely?
But no, there's no sale flyers anywhere, no indication that the Glade oil refills cost any more or less than $2.95 each. Period.
After regarding the sales flyer again to insure sanity, I shrug and move on. I didn't actually NEED the refills this particular shopping week, understand. It's just that they were on sale.
It took a cruise down two more aisles before I decided it was time for me to do some investigating.
"Well that sales flyer encompasses the whole state of Delaware," the smiling grocery manager informs me. "Up in Wilmington things are way more expensive. $2.99 is probably a sale price up that way."
Not that, you should smile, Delaware is known as a state of vast mileage. So big and wide it would seem that the price of Glade oil refills verily changes price right before our eyes as we traverse the state north to south.
I'm think maybe Glade oil refills start at a buck in California and end up over ten bucks each once one gets down near Mexico. This makes me glad I live in Delaware.
"Why in all my years of shopping I've never heard of such a thing," I informed the still-smiling store manager.
He shrugged. "Yeah, it happens all the time. All of the SuperFresh stores share the same flyer."
Being a consultant and everything, I understand the value of economies of scale. It's likely much cheaper for the super market chain to put out one grand flyer that would serve as advertising for SuperFresh stores up and down this broad and populous state.
Somehow I think it's a form of NOT truth in advertising. For the recipient of the flyer in lower Slovobia Georgetown Delaware has a right to assume prices at their local SuperFresh are congruent with the prices advertised. To have the manager of the store happy and smiling and telling me, essentially, ‘hey, we lied', doesn't pass muster.
And so I must be consumer Blogger and send my complaint in to the bigwigs at SuperFresh.Com.
Stayed tuned for the response.
Ceiling Fan Heartbreak
Okay, so heartbreak is a bit strong sentiment. But if Jennifer Wilbanks can run off, leaving behind a $50,000 wedding and a fiancé accused of her murder, because, well nobody really knows why-than I can call the inability to use my fine ceiling fan fronds a veritable heartbreak.
Below a link to the Blog post where I waxed poetic about my Mother's Day gift of long sought after ceiling fans.
Ceiling Fan Blog Post Here
It turns out that the heavy plastic fan "fronds", designed to look like Carribean palm fronds, well they keep the fan from turning around like it should.
Dogs and I have suffered for almost a month before I relented.
"Pat, I think those plastic things keep the fan from turning properly," husband told me after much research into my complaint that the bedroom was very hot of late.
While we have central air conditioning, the cold air didn't seem to make it back to my bedroom suite. Shared with two dogs who also "complained". The little fat dachshund took to laying in on the cool bathroom floor. The bigger dog moved about and fussed all night.
So we took off the pretty plastic fan blade covers that would transform my bedroom suite into a Hawaiian hotel room.
Another dream shattered.
Time for a Smile
Thanks to Doc.
Qantas Pilot gripe sheet - your morning laugh
After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe
sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The
mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and
then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.
Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots
(marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by
maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that
has never had an accident.
Enjoy!
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
====
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
====
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit! .
====
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.
=====
P: Auto pilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
=====
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
=====
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
=====
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.
=====
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
=====
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
=====
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
=====
P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
=====
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
=====
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed
=====
----- And the best one for last..................
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget
"Dancing With the Stars"-Lovely to Watch
There's been three eliminations in the reality series featured on ABC called "Dancing With the Stars". The last elimination occurred on Wednesday, June 22 in this year of our Lord 2005.
Using the term "stars" loosely as there are a few tough requirements for the celebrities who participate in this dance competition. One, they must be able to dance and two, they must have the time required for practice and filming of the contest.
Thus the celebrities dancing across our screens across America are not necessarily household names. The celebrity dancers include former members of rock groups, fashion models and actors in soap operas. The list of dancers and celebrities who started in this reality series is below.
Louis van Amstel Professional dancer -eliminated
Rachel Hunter Celebrity dancer -eliminated
Jonathan Roberts Professional dancer -eliminated
Kelly Monaco Celebrity dancer
Alec Mazo Professional dancer
Joey McIntyre Celebrity dancer
Ashly DelGrosso Professional dancer
Evander Holyfield Celebrity dancer -eliminated
Edyta Sliwinska Professional dancer -eliminated
John O'Hurley Celebrity dancer
Charlotte Jorgensen Professional dancer
I am as surprised by how much I like this show as the many pundits. For this reality show has captured the fantasy of the country and has consistently scored number one in its time slot.
In fact, I hate to see any dancers eliminated. Evander Holyfield cut a dashing swath across the dance floor, so handsome with his muscled body as he danced the complicated steps of the rumba and jitterbug. This series has a unique judging system that does allow audience participation via phone-in or online voting. But the value of the judges' points is equally important to the survival or elimination of a contestant.
My Grandma Blogger eyes remain mesmerized with the wonder of a male and a female dancing together, step-by-step, move-by-move. This while in each other's arms, almost unheard of today. They dance while attired in pretty, sexy dresses or debonair tuxedos, adding to the beauty of the vision.
Their dances are not the dance movements we know today. Indeed they are not even the dance movements known to this Grandmother Blogger who does recall a time, vaguely, when dancers use to lock arms during the dance. Their dances are classic dances; the rumba, the waltz, the jitterbug.
If there is a rub to this show it's the vapid female hostess who interviews the dancers after they've finished their dance and await the judges' scores. Last week she asked Rachel Hunter, I'm not making this up, "Do you think the votes of the judges is important?" The votes of the judges being half of the contestant's scores, well that seemed a dumb question.
Rachel Hunter, who was eliminated that night, didn't bop the woman over the head and shout "OF COURSE, it's important!" as I would have.
This series is also, I suspect but will set out to prove, not likely to be well regarded by the males of our species. I can't imagine many men across this land sitting spellbound as did this Grandmother Blogger this past Wednesday night. I loved the female dancers' headpieces, their strategically sexy gowns, their impossibly high heels on which to dance, their jewelry and their artful make up.
It was simply lovely for my female self to watch. It's pretty, different, clever and hey, it's a lot of work for those contestants to learn those dance moves.
I loved John O'Hurley's mock arrogance during the rumba. I loved Kelly Monoco's sexy movements during her team's waltz spotlight interlude. I loved Rachel Hunter's elegance as she glided across the floor with her partner.
Perhaps my husband is odd but I don't see him sitting still and watching this. Indeed I'm not sure my own smitten self could watch such a thing more than once a week.
In the name of my Grandmother Blogger craft, next week we shall experiment. I will ask husband to sacrifice himself and watch the next episode of "Dancing with the Stars" with me.
He might do it.
Then we will document this beer-drinking, most ordinary of guys' comments, for all of posterity.
This post is also available at Blogger News Network.
Giving the Cat a Pill
1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop in pill. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
3) Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.
6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill, put down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
8) Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
9) Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
10) Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door onto neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with desert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw The shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
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