Review-Skating With the Stars; Smiling Sunday-Fishgiggles and Pics of the Week.

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TV Review-Skating With the Stars

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Celebrities, it would seem, can do much more than just being, well, celebrated. Indeed, as reported here, Simon Cowell of American Idol fame is himself starting a "doing something with stars/celebrities" show. In Cowell's case, the celebrities will be singing, duh, with professional singers. Celebrities who do not, and this is important, normally sing. Chris Matthews of Hardball fame, for example, might be able to carry a tune for all we know. He might then be teamed up with Celine Dion and boom, let the show begin.

We now have celebrities skating and soon enough, well the possibilities are endless. Next up, Building a House With the Stars. We'd have Martin Sheen building a White House with Ty, the builder from Extreme Makeover-Home Edition. Or how about Basketball With the Stars? There would be Donald Sutherland playing the Harlem Globetrotters, for example. It’s win-win for the out-of-favor celebrities, the judges without meaningful employment, and the pretty hosts and hostesses needing some work. Win-win for all save the viewing audience, that might snooze from overkill.

I tuned into Fox's Skating With the Stars Wednesday, 1/18/06, at 9 p.m. The judges include John Nicks, Mark Lund, and Dorothy Hamill. The competition began with six starting teams of skaters. They are:
  • Jillian Berberie & John Zimmerman
  • Jenni Meno & Todd Bridges
  • Kurt Browning & Deborah Gibson
  • Nancy Kerrigan & Dave Coulier
  • Tai Babilonia & Bruce Jenner
  • Kristy Swanson & Lloyd Eisler

    The judges score by a two-tiered system, one for technical merit and the other for artistic impression. The audience can phone in votes which comprise half the total scores for the celebrity skaters.

    The challenge that first night of competition was for the celebrity skater to perform three complete spins. The music was from the movies.

    As is often the case with these sorts of shows, the "celebrities" are often not all that well known. In the case of Skating With Celebrities, the skating partners are often more well known, at least as I see it, then the celebrities. Nancy Kerrigan, for example, is well known as the skater who got her knees banged up by that other nasty skater.

    Myself likes to watch ice-skating now and again. It might well be a woman thing. I like the pretty costumes and admire the fluidity of movement on the ice. Beyond that, I know basically nothing about ice-skating. I am, I’d argue, exactly the audience the show aims to target: a woman between ages 25 and 60 who likes to watch pretty movement with astoundingly beautiful costumes.

    Personal “credentials” established, my critiques on the skating celebrities and their partners.

    The celebrity skater who ended up with the highest score was Jillian Barberie. Her Bio as follows:
    Image hosted by Photobucket.comJillian Barberie brings her 14-year career as a co-host and weather forecaster and her signature fashion expertise to "Good Day LA," the Emmy Award-winning, top-rated FOX morning show. She reports for the show's "Style File," the daily segment that spotlights the hottest and most current trends in celebrity and everyday fashion. She also created the show's popular "Adopt-a-Pet" segment.

    Barberie has made special appearances on several television shows. In September 2000 she joined the "FOX NFL Sunday" team with Terry Bradshaw, Howie Long and James Brown.

    Barberie and her partner scored a 25.8 for technical merit and a 26.0 for artistic impression. Bringing their total to 51.8, making them the only skating couple to go over a combined score of 50 out of a possible 60 points. I thought Jillian and her partner made some difficult moves and she performed what I considered a fine and fluid spin. The judges termed the routine a “first class performance.”

    Celebrity skater Deborah Gibson also performed some fancy legwork but I’d call her spins just okay. The judges declared there was “too much fluff”. Gibson and her partner scored a total 48.0 for the night.

    Dave Coulier, a celebrity skater who partnered with Nancy Kerrigan, did a fine job. Although I still do not recognize Coulier as a celebrity and consider Kerrigan the more famous of the two. Coulier is an ice-hockey enthusiast and that certainly helped with the practice. For their routine, both skaters dressed in identical outfits, smashingly clever. The judges opined that they recognized the ice-hockey moves right from the start. This middle-aged woman didn’t notice a thing. Dave and Nancy scored a total of 49.3, bringing them in at number two in that night’s competition.

    A surprising entry in the competition is former Olympic champion Bruce Jenner. Jenner is now 55 years old and complains of bad knees. I thought Jenner and his partner did a nice job. Judge Dorothy Hamill (another name more well-known to me than many of the celebrities) declared the routine “beautiful”. Jenner and his partner scored a total of 48.8, pretty good for an old guy.

    A celebrity who might be more widely recognized is Todd Bridges of Diff’rent Strokes fame. Todd was a young child in that series. Now that he’s all grown, he fancies himself as a skater. Todd is alleged to be a roller skater so that talent, I must assume, would translate easily to skating on ice. During Bridges’ routine he picked up his partner at one point but I thought it very lame. I also detected a stumble. Hamill said she “loved it”, at which point another judge handed Dorothy of the famed haircut his glasses. Todd and his partner scored a 47.7 points for their routine.

    The celebrity skater and her partner with the lowest score of the night was Kristy Swanson. Being a female contender in this series has its advantages as I surmise it. Female contenders can be picked up by their professional skating partner and carried around for a good part of the routine. Male contenders have to do the carrying as it’s simply not proper protocol for the female partner to carry her male partner around on the ice. Kristy and her partner scored a total of 47.5 points out of a possible 60.

    Kristy’s Bio below.
    Image hosted by Born in Mission Viejo, CA, Kristy Swanson began getting acting work in commercials at 9 and had over 30 commercials on her resume by the time she was 13. She continued working on commercials before making her feature film debut in the John Hughes' films "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" and "Pretty in Pink."

    Swanson originated the role of "Buffy" in the feature "Buffy the Vampire Slayer." Her additional feature film credits include "Flowers in the Attic" with Academy Award-winning actress Louise Fletcher, "Hot Shots!" with Charlie Sheen, "The Program" with James Caan, "The Phantom" opposite Billy Zane, "8 Heads in a Duffle Bag" starring Joe Pesci and David Spade and "Higher Learning" directed by John Singleton.

    Even though Kristy Swanson got the lowest scores of the first night’s competition, the other scores were quite close. Meaning the scores don’t necessarily telegraph an immediate loser right. At least as I see it. The only major note from the scores delivered is that skater Jillian Barberie did pull soundly out in front of her competitors.

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    Cats and Chili Peppers

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    Tech Support

    Customer: I'm trying to connect to the Internet with your CD, but it just doesn't work. What am I doing wrong?

    Tech support: OK, you've got the CD in the CD drive, right?

    Customer: Yeah....

    Tech support: And what sort of computer are you using?

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    Tech support: Aaaarrrrgggghhhh!!!


    Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?

    Customer: A white one...


    Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.

    Tech support: Have you tried pushing the button?

    Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.

    Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.

    Customer: No... wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... sorry....


    Tech support: Click on the "my computer" icon on the left of the screen.

    Customer: Your left or my left?


    Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?

    Male customer: Hello... I can't print.

    Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and...

    Customer: Listen, pal -- don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates!


    Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says, "Can't find printer." I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...


    Customer: I have problems printing in red...

    Tech support: Do you have a color printer?

    Customer: Aaaah....................thank you.


    Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?

    Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket.

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    Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.

    Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged in to the computer?

    Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.

    Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.

    Customer: OK.

    Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?

    Customer: Yes.

    Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?

    Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work.


    Tech support: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.

    Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?


    Customer: I can't get on the Internet.

    Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?

    Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.

    Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?

    Customer: Five stars.


    Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?

    Customer: Netscape.

    Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.

    Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.


    Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.


    Tech support: How may I help you?

    Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.

    Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?

    Customer: Well, I have the letter "a" in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?


    A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.

    Tech support: Are you running it under Windows?

    Customer: No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine.


    And last but not least:....

    Tech support: Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager.

    Customer: I don't have a P.

    Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.

    Customer: What do you mean?

    Tech support: "P" ... on your keyboard, Bob.

    Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!!

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    Caught In the Act

    The wife comes home early and finds her husband in their master Bedroom making love to a beautiful, sexy young lady!

    "You unfaithful pig! What are you doing? How dare you do this to me the faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving this house, I want a divorce!"

    The husband replies, "Wait, wait a minute! Before you leave, at least listen to what happened."

    "It'll be the last thing I'll hear from you so make it fast."

    The husband begins to tell his story . . .

    "While driving home this young lady asks for a ride. I saw her so
    defenseless that I went ahead and allowed her in my car. I noticed that
    she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She mentioned that
    she had not eaten for 3 days. With great compassion and hurt, I brought
    her home and warmed up the enchiladas that I made for you last night that you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll gain weight; the poor
    thing, practically inhaled them.

    Since she was very dirty I asked her to take a shower. While she was showering, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes so I threw
    her clothes away. Since she needed clothes, I gave her the pair of jeans
    that you have had for a few years, that you can no longer wear because
    they are too tight on you, I also gave her the blouse that I gave you on
    our anniversary and you don't wear because I don't have good taste.

    I gave her the pullover that my sister gave you for Christmas that you will not wear just to bother my sister and I also gave her the boots that you bought at the expensive boutique that you never wore again after you saw your co-worker wearing the same pair."

    The husband continues his story . . ."The young woman was very grateful
    to me and I walked her to the door. When we got to the door she turned
    around and with tears coming out of her eyes, she asks me:

    "Sir, do you have anything else that your wife does not use?"


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