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Fixing Your Fashion Funk
Fashion shows are not for everybody. I'd argue, however, that for one who enjoys fashion shows, there are some. And then there are others.
In this missive we will talk in depth about two of the more popular fashion shows, why they work, why they don't. The "STYLE network", as one might imagine, is the pinnacle network for fashion shows. For now, let us begin with the one major fashion show featured on "The Learning Channel".
What Not To Wear
Yes on the same network that brought us Trading Spaces we have "fashion experts" Stacy London and Clinton Kelly. Whose job consists of catching fashion disaster victims in the act of wearing fashion disasters.
In general, the "makeover" victims on this show are nominated by friends or family via tape recording of the proposed makeover recipient "in action".
In fact, if yon reader has a friend, or even your own handsome selves, in need of a makeover, click here for details to be "made over"
So-called friends and family of a potential fashion makeover candidate get video of the fashion victim. Such video is generally of the most embarrassing type, generally shot on those occasions when the victim looks her worst. We all jump into our cars for a quick errand when we don't look our best from time to time. Now we must look around to make sure no one is videotaping our homeless-looking selves.
Once Stacy and Clinton hone in on a fashion victim in need of a makeover, arrangements, we must assume, are made. There is the surprise of the hapless victim who is usually lured to some large gathering that Stacy and Clinton can enter the room filled with friends and family of the soon-to-be-madeover fashion victim and announce not only their presence, but the name of the fashion victim his or herself.
Which is another thing. Fashion victims can be both male and female although usually it is a female. Women have so many more fashion choices as concerns apparel, shoes, and jewelry that they just make better TV.
After the surprise and viewing of the embarrassing home videos, the fun begins. First, the anointed fashion victim must bring her entire wardrobe to a place designated by Stacy and Clinton. The fashionista duo then proceed to tear apart, poke fun and mock every piece of apparel the fashion victim has carefully hung for perusal. This is a very staged event as the average viewer can see. The point is not lost on the viewer upon closer scrutiny of some key pieces of the fashion victims current wardrobe. It's yuk-yuk time as Stacy and Clinton cull through rhinestone studded jeans, abbreviated and cleavage-bearing tops, hippy-era tie-dyed T-shirts, ridiculously short skirts or insert the fashion victim's fashion crimes here. The designated fashion victim will often don some of her current wardrobe and in front of a 3-way mirror, will explain to the unseen camera why he/she likes the outfit then being modeled. Stacy and Clinton will then enter and explain, in mocking terms, just way the fashion victim is wrong about her fashion choice then on and under examination.
After this is over, the audience has a feeling for the fashion victim's taste and, if the audience accepts Stacy and Clinton's fashion assessment, know what has to be done to change it. Stacy and Clinton then show the fashion victim a complete outfit that, in theory anyway, incorporates those elements of fashion the victim likes, but in a more stylish, updated manner.
An example would be a middle-aged matron who constantly sports low, x-rated, cleavage-bearing tops. Stacy and Clinton will, sometimes not so kindly, explain why the matron is too old for such attire and further, well her outfits are just plain trashy. The fashionistas then show the victim a complete outfit as draped on a mannequin for demonstration. The updated outfit is an attempt to capture the style and comfort of the fashion victim without throwing away taste and appropriateness. The matron who is so proud of her bosom might be shown an outfit with a low-cut décolletage that shows the bust line proudly but with a hint of secretiveness appropriate for public viewing.
Every fashion victim has a bevy of fashion sins. Stacy and Clinton explain how a short person shouldn't wear skirts that are too long, or how darts placed artfully in fine clothing will silhouette a figure far better than loose fitting apparel. The audience, we assume, learns these fashion tidbits as well.
After this clothing lesson, the fashion victim is then sent off on a shopping spree, equipped with lessons learned from the fashionistas and a credit card with a $5,000 credit line.
The audience is then treated to the saga of the fashion victim as she shops for new clothes that are in accordance with the "rules" given her by Stacy and Clinton. At some point in this part of the series, Stacy and Clinton, who are watching the victim's shopping spree through some sort of secret camera, actually hijack the fashion victim directly in the store to stop her purchase of inappropriate clothing as deemed by the "rules".
After all the shopping, the fashion victim is given a fine haircut and style and expert make-up application as part of the make-over.
This all leads up to an ending that all fashion shows must have, the final "REVEAL". The fashion victim, now owner of a fine new wardrobe worth $5,000, a new hairstyle and wearing artful make-up, makes a grand entrance wearing a new outfit and, of course, a new look. Generally the fashion victim will pose with three different outfits that the audience can see how great the former schlep looked with proper fashion training, a decent haircut and a fine make-up application. Pictures of the fashion victim prior to the makeover are split-screened next to the screen of each REVEAL.
The fashion victim leaves Stacy and Clinton's tutelage, ostensibly smarter for the experience, and definitely more fashionable.
How Do I Look?
The "Style" network, as one might expect, has a plethora of fashion shows. The most famous, for want of a better phrase, is How Do I Look? hosted by fashionista Finola Hughes.I enjoy this show although for the first half an hour it's a bit boring. Again, a fashion victim is nominated by "friends" or family. Three "accomplices" are appointed. Generally the accomplices consist of a family member, a cherished friend and a fashion stylist appointed by Ms. Hughes herself.
Again, should yon reader know of a fashion victim, there's a place to nominate the poor schlup for a fashion makeover.
In this show, the fashion victim is surprised by his/her selection. After all this the humiliation begins. The three accomplices go through the fashion victim's wardrobe and select specific items that each feels has to go. In the case of a goth-punk teenager, for instance, such as leather metal-studded mini-skirts or high top tennis shoes are chosen for tossing into the trashcan.
After this, the fashion victim is brought out in front of the accomplices and each is allowed to show the victim the item of clothing chosen to be tossed. This is a strange feature of this show and not at all comfortable to watch, at least to this viewer. For often the victim gets her feelings really hurt, or at least pretends same, or the victim might fight to keep a cherished clothing object. Each accomplice explains to the victim why they need a fashion makeover, generally with phrases like "you're so pretty on the inside we want to make you pretty on the outside". Finola Hughes plays on this bit of melodramatic rancor by asking the victim, after the clothing massacre, how she feels about what her friends and family said about her. Of course the victim is hurt and a bit stunned. Hughes then explains that things are going to get better.
Each accomplice is sent off with a sum of money and an assignment to choose three complete outfits, the outfit theme changing from show to show. If the fashion victim is due to attend a high school prom in the near future, then one of the outfits might be themed "prom queen". There is always a "wild card" theme whereby the accomplices can choose any outfit that each feels the fashion victim needs in her closet.
With three accomplices having chosen and compiled three complete outfits meeting the "theme" as designated, the fashion victim is then shown each ensemble for the victim's comments. Each fashion compilation also includes a haircut and make-up style chosen by the accomplice and should the fashion victim choose a collection by an accomplice she must also agree to have her hair styled and make-up applied as dictated by the accomplice who compiled the collection.
This is kind of fun to watch in that the compiled outfits are interesting, often surprising. The fashion victim gives her comments and they are very revealing. "I don't think I like these frills," the fashion victim might say of a blouse with a neckline frill froufrou. The comments are revealing about the fashion victim in terms of clothing preferences for style and comfort.
The fashion victim then tries on all of the outfits in each accomplice's collection. A tri-split screen will show the victim wearing all three outfits as compiled by each accomplice. At this point I like to pick the collection that I would choose which is often, not that I'm necessarily proud of this, the one the fashion victim chooses.
Then it's off to the hairdressers for a new hairstyle and make-up application. Leading on to, as expected, the great REVEAL.
The three accomplices don't know which one compiled the fashion collection the fashion victim chose and this is part of the surprise of the REVEAL.
The fashion victim will enter a room filled with friends and family, only now she is all attired with an outfit from one of the accomplice's collection, a new and smashing hairstyle, and artful makeup application. There is usually a runway affair set up for the fashion victim to enter for the grand REVEAL. She will walk the runway, pirouette as if a fine fashion model, and always, but always, must ask..."How Do I Look?"
The finale of the show involves the accomplice who compiled the collection to stand up for kudos from the fashion victim for such fine taste.
Finola Hughes is really not such a great hostess as I see it. She seems to have a deadpan sense of humor and tends to try and make a simple, fun fashion escapade into a melodrama it hardly deserves. Compared to the bubbly and witty Stacy London, Finola can be a real downer.
Still, this show, at least the last half hour of it, is fun to watch. The whole allure of fashion shows is the transformation of a drab and dowdy human being into a vibrant and colorful person with pride of appearance and sparkle of taste.
There are several other fashion shows scattered across Style channel. One, The Look for Less is interesting. A fashion runway look is flashed across the screen. A volunteer fashion makeover client chooses one such look and with the help of a fashion stylist is given a fixed amount of money and sent off to the wilds of the mall to re-create the runway look for a fraction of the designer cost.
Finally, Isaac practices a little fashion on his terrible variety show of sorts. An audience member will present a fashion dilemma and Isaac, the show's namesake, will solve the problem as presented with some creative conclusions.
I dislike this man's show intensely and suspect he won't be long for this world. Who on earth does he appeal to? Further, the man wears his suit jacket buttoned at all times with only the second button. It looks stupid no matter how edgy he presents it to be. I put no stock in Isaac's fashion appeal.
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