Pic of the Day
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" There is only one pretty child in the world, and every mother has it."
- A Chinese Proverb
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The Pledge of Allegiance by John Wayne
TIPS FROM THE REDNECK BOOK OF MANNERS
1. Never take a beer to a job interview.
2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
3. It's considered poor taste to take a cooler to church.
4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
5. Even if you're certain that you are included in the Will, it is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.
*** DINING OUT ***
1. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label.
2. Avoid throwing bones and food scraps on the floor as the restaurant may not have dogs.
***ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME***
1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.
2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table no matter how good his manners are.
***PERSONAL HYGIENE ***
1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys.
2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days. However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.
3. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods
***DATING (Outside the Family) ***
1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
2. Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall two years ago."
3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM; others might say "Monday." If the latter is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.
4. Always have a positive comment about your date's appearance, such as, "Ya sure don't sweat much for a fat broad."
1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.
3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create too sporty an appearance.
4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for this special occasion.
5. It is not appropriate to tell the groom how good his wife is in the sack.
***DRIVING ETIQUETTE ***
1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles; even if the gun is loaded, and the deer is in sight.
2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way.
3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer.
5. Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when driving.
6. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.
***TWO REASONS WHY IT IS HARD TO SOLVE A REDNECK MURDER***
1. All the DNA is the same.
2. There are no dental records.
American Idol 2006 Re-Cap
So it’s all over for another year and I must look back to this year’s competition and ponder.
I have never rooted for the eventual winner, Taylor Hicks. I have considered his victory and have an idea why this odd choice won.
For now-America’s final Top 5 for American Idol 2006:
What will happen to the top five?
We hear Chris Daughtry, who many think should have won this thing, is busy fielding offers from almost everywhere. He was offered lead singer for the band “Fuel”, which he turned down. We understand he did accept an offer from RCA records.
Elliott Yamin will likely get a music contract, perhaps singing country/rock/blues. Little Paris Bennett, a tiny thing with a dynamite voice, could well go onto either a career on Broadway or as a gospel singer.
Katharine McPhee is already being wooed by several record companies. I can see McPhee easily fitting into a current hiphop type of music culture.
AH, Taylor Hicks. Every week I predicted this fellow would get the hook. Every week he continued on.
Taylor is only 29 years old and I know the man is prematurely gray. But he does look much older than 29. I also didn’t “get” Taylor’s “dancing” except it wasn’t dancing to me but resembled more Steve Martin’s “Walk Like an Egyptian” dance routine.
And yet America loved him. Indeed I had to smile as Taylor song his signature song “Are You Proud of Me”. He was a man living an American dream and a most unlikely one at that.
What strikes as most evident in this year’s American Idol, the fifth in the series, is how the votes came in and the votes came in for the most normal, “American-looking” ones of the bunch.
Come on…Taylor Hicks and Katharine McPhee. Taylor looks like everyone’s geeky accountant and Katharine made up in looks and curves what she was lacking in voice. Katharine did not have a better voice than either Chris, Elliott or Paris. Sure it’s just my opinion but it’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
I have dutifully documented every night of American Idol 2006 contest from the top ten boys and girls. Click on the link below to review it all as it unfolded.
For now, congratulations to Taylor Hicks, winning and living the American dream.
American Idol 2006 Reviews Here
More TV Reviews HERE