Here's a funny fictional(?) story of the discovery of the genius of Drew Parker and how she'll go far from the outrageousness and satire she brings to cherished political ideals.
It's "The Empress Wore Weird Clothes".
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It's time for yon readers to put their money where their mouth is. We have genuine odds on the remaining contenders for 2009's The Next Food Network Star" along with my own sure bet recommendation.
Teddy the liar finally went home and we narrow down to a field of six in this summer foodie contest that has us all rooting for....who?
With pics and video you'll find nowhere else on the Internet.
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Heh. Surely the producers of The Philanthropist meant this show to be a comedy. Surely?
It's a liberal's dream show, as far removed from truth and reality as…well most liberal ideas.
We've got a tongue-in-cheek, pokey-fun review.
Also, America's Got Talent continues on and the acts being sent through just boggle the mind. 75 dancing little girls donned in little orphan annie wigs? The judges think they can win this thing?
HGTV's "Showdown" quickly review and dismissed.
All with pics and video you'll find nowhere else on the Internet.
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The Bachelorette Jillian's down to four finalists that might be her husband in the near future.
One of them is a snake but fear not, I've got the reason why this guy remains even though he readily admits, on camera, to his snakiness.
Also, he left and now he's back and again, my inside scoop on why Ed bailed out precisely during Home Town visit week.
All with pics and video you'll find nowhere else on the Internet.
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In THOUGHTS this week we follow a couple of local Delaware yet very national political players.
Mike Castle, Mr. Republican Cap and Trade, is our Bad Guy of the Week. Our President-to-Be sometime in our future, Beau Biden, gets in his first pot of hot water and we're following this young man as he prepares for the Oval Office.
A couple of Quips of the Week that'll leave you in stitches and we know that young women in bikinis sell stuff handily. But fireworks?
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Pic of the Day
Mike Castle, Mr. Cap and Trade
I’ve had it with Mike Castle and I’m not going to take it anymore. Oncit I actually attended meetings of the Sussex County, Delaware Republican party. I lamented endlessly about Delaware’s only Rep in America’s House, Mr. Mike Castle. Mike Castle, former Delaware Governor and hopeful-soon-to-be-Delaware Senator, is no relation to anything conservative that I’ve ever seen in my lifetime.
Understanding here that Republican does not necessarily equal conservative but even with allowing for this, Mike Castle is a DEMOCRAT! Not that there’s anything wrong with this. But the GOP has got to STOP, STOP I tell you, welcoming Democrats in the party, peeing upon our feet whilst telling us it’s raining and telling us these people are Republicans.
Last week Mike Castle angered many Republicans in Delaware by voting for that massive tax increase, CAP AND TRADE. That whole thing is a joke, a way to bring money into the Democratic campaign coffers under that lie known as man-made global warming.
Only seven Republican members of America’s House, including the lying traitor Mike Castle, voted for the thing.
Delaware is one of the few states that has more senators than representatives for our smallness. So Mike Castle is Delaware’s ONLY elected representative in America’s House and this factoid only adds more insult to injury.
I hear tell that Castle plans on running for Senator here in Delaware, that he is the only Republican with enough name recognition to win over Beau Biden, who is expected to run for the office using HIS name recognition.
Fine. Let Mike Castle run for senator but AS A DAMN DEMOCRAT! If the Republican party is going to endorse this guy there will be a huge people’s revolt in Delaware, I predict.
On July 13 the Sussex County Repub party holds its monthly meeting. Both husband and I BOTH plan to be there. I suspect that there will be lots of other folks there.
Because the Republican base is mad at this guy and it remains to be seen if the GOP will continue to shove this Democrat down our throats.
Liar Mike Castle’s web site here.
World’s Ugliest Dog
It seems a bit mean almost to keep having these World’s Ugliest Dog Competitions but maybe not. Because Americans love their dogs more than any other citizenry on the planet, even our ugly dogs. In fact, the winners of the Ugliest Dog competitions often go on to fame and, well I don’t know about fortune.
Ugliest Dog Site HERE.
Below some contenders for the beloved title and a thought that perhaps we should love ugly people as much as we love our ugly dogs.
Two Good Ones
Sometimes we go weeks without a Quip of the Week. This week we have two great ones.
First, y’all heard of Governor Romance, Mark Sanford, ersatz King David, lover of the Girl from Ipanema?
Seems he took off one weekend on a merry jaunt, leaving his state behind with no way to reach him, not even a note informing when he will return. Rumors roared.
One such rumor alleged that Mr. Handsome Lover Boy, father of four sons, married not that this stopped him, had been out hiking the Appalachian Trail.
He was not, of course. He was in Argentina visiting his hot babe. Sanford’s Aides, all desperate to cover for their boss came up with the Appalachian Trail thing as Sanford was allegedly an avid hiker. Such as hiking could be considered a solitary activity upon which one might embark whilst leaving civilization and family behind with no warning.
So okay, it’s a stretch.
Below, a defense of the Governor’s Aides desperate reach to explain their irresponsible bosses’ behavior.
Snort.
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In fairness to his aides, "I'm getting some Argentinian tail" sounds a lot like "I'm hiking the Appalachian trail"
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Next, I am told this is a true story. I have no proof of this and I’m not convinced that Snopes would research such an anecdote.
But it’s bound to bring a smile.
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SCHOOL TEACHERS, BET YOU THOUGHT YOU HAD HEARD AND SEEN IT ALL!
How would you pronounce this child's name?
Le-a
Leah?? NO
Lee - A?? N O
Lay - a?? NOPE
Lei?? Guess Again.
This child attends a school in Livingston Parish, LA. Her mother is irate because everyone is getting her name wrong.
It's pronounced 'Ledasha'. Oh yes, you read it right.
When the Mother was asked about the pronunciation of the name, she said, "the dash don't be silent."
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The First Beau Biden Snafu
Couple of things here…first, Beau Biden is being groomed to ascend to the highest office in the land, make no mistake. AND…he is cute, personable, seems reasonably smart and given the precious name of B I D E N…he can win anything here in the small but very influential state of Delaware. Delawarians love to elect Bidens, they see the name BIDEN, they automatically check it off. Vice-President Joe Biden’s been one of Delaware’s Senators since 1972.
Second, just once, but for almost an hour, I sat and had a long discussion with Beau Biden. I’m sure that plenty of people have discussions with politicians but my afternoon laughing and snorting over the national political scene was something different, I am sure of it.
I was manning the Republican booth at Delaware’s magnificent state fair (Delaware has one of, if not THE greatest state fair in the country). The Biden booth was right across the aisle in some godawful hot building on the outskirts of the fair where almost no one goes except those looking to escape the crowds. The political booths are usually there, shoved between the hot tubs and fill out a ticket for a free motorboat.
Beau happened to walk by the Republican booth and he came over, to my complete surprise, introduced himself, held out his hand, said he hadn’t seen me before, said his name was Beau Biden.
I was flattered I suppose although I imagine Beau would have did the same thing for most anybody new manning the Repub booth. I am, I say modestly, quick of wit with the tongue and I mentioned how I’ve enjoyed his father’s antics through the years and especially now as a new citizen of Delaware, then two years in total.
Beau asked me where I was from, I told him the merry state of Merryland. Trying to stay civil and nice, I told him how happy I was to be living in Delaware with NO sales tax, modest income taxes and property taxes a third of Merryland’s.
Beau said that Maryland was indeed one messed up state. He also made a joke about his father’s antics and somehow we even got on the subject of his father’s hairplugs. Beau then launched into the funniest story, telling me the public don’t know the half about those hairplugs, how most of them fell out, how he accused somebody or another of putting some gunk in the shampoo causing them to fall out…well seriously, I was laughing so hard because, well it was funny.
It was the kind of conversation that one shares with an acquaintance with whom they feel a comfort and comradery. Maybe I’m full of myself and hey, in my lifetime I have long since discovered that men are like a bus…you miss one and another one comes right along. And I don’t care if the fellow’s 29 or 79, every man in the world adores the sound of female laughter to the telling of his anecdotes so while Beau Biden could be my son, he was up against this woman who’d spent a lifetime capturing men’s fancy with the tinkling sound of her laughter.
It’s my story and I’m sticking to it. My laughter was genuine. Beau was a hoot and a half.
We talked about the Clintons and the liberals up in Wilmington. See, Delaware is a “purple” state. No matter a politician’s party affiliation they can, boom, transpose themselves to a Dem or a Pub, depending on the company.
Nobody’s honest in Delaware is what I’m saying here but as God is my witness, I truly felt that Beau Biden was filled with joy at being able to just be…well NOT a politician, that hot afternoon at the State Fair.
All of the above means pretty much nothing except since that meeting, Beau Biden got himself elected Delaware’s Attorney General, a position he did not deserve and was woefully unqualified for but hey, his last name is Biden.
He spoke at the Democratic convention and he did one wonderful job. Many were very impressed with him, including The Wise I.
He’s now in Iraq, part of the preparation for his career someday as Commander in Chief but hey, at least he DID go to Iraq and maybe’s he’s hidden inside of some Safe Zone never seeing an Iraqi one but at least he’s putting up an appearance.
I have no doubt that someday, unless Obama totally destroys the Democratic party which could happen, Beau Biden will run for President and he’s got a great shot at winning, judging by his verve of tongue, his insight and background in the world of politics, the straight and narrow path he takes in his life choices, or at least the appearances of same.
I’m not endorsing the fellow one way or the other. He’s a Democrat. I don’t think he is intrinsically a goofball liberal but I do think he could become one, just add water as needed. Well damn you could say that about half the Pubs in the congress, including Delaware’s Rep-Mike Castle.
Thus I have decided to devote myself to following, as a matter of personal intrigue, the career of Beau Biden.
The saga begins. Beau Biden is, as we speak, Delaware’s Attorney General. Already one of his biggest cases, the shocking murder of a student at the University of Delaware, has been dismissed because the prosecutors failed to provide the defense with possibly exculpatory information.
From Delaware Online:
State Attorney General Beau Biden was serving overseas with his National Guard unit when the case against a former Delaware State University freshman accused of killing another student unraveled.
But circumstances that led to the dismissal of charges against 20-year-old Loyer D. Braden of East Orange, N.J. -- and a decision by the Attorney General's Office not to appeal it -- arose before Biden left for Iraq in October 2008, some say.
This is often the case with prosecutors. The law requires that a charged defendant be given all information obtained by the prosecutors that might prove the defendant innocent.
Logical. If the prosecutors “discover” that another person’s DNA was found on the gun, they’ve got to give the defense this information as we want to catch the RIGHT guy, not the one that’s easiest to prosecute.
I don’t think this tidbit, basically a lukewarm attack against Beau, will go anywhere. The defense is that Beau was in Iraq when his prosecutors chose not to provide the accused murderer’s defense team with Discovery information so how he could he have known?
Well I suppose but there’s an argument to be made that Delaware deserves a full-time Attorney General, not a patchwork team that evidently leaves the Delaware justice system filled with cracks.
Also, make no mistake, there are plenty of folks here in Delaware not content to sit back and have Beau Biden just waltz into the Governorship or other high office without a challenge.
But of course.
Beau Biden too knows this.
Fortunately for Beau, this little tear in the fabric of his perceived ability has been completely overlooked in the frantic summer of this resort state. Besides, the poor fellow is over in Iraq give him a break for God’s sake.
We’ll be watching Beau and frankly I’d love to see a young man with such charisma and smarts I don’t know, maybe become honest with a goal toward a decent outcome for the state and country.
One can dream.
Ending with a Smile
It’s complete understandable that females in bikinis tend to boost sales of a particular product.
But Fireworks?
HERE:
FICTION
"The Emperor Wore Weird Clothes"
I just didn’t know where to begin when the local yokel newspaper phoned me up for some inside information on my cousin Drew. Drew has been an oddball all her life and anybody who knew her could tell a nutty story about her.
She was always engaging in some stunt all through school and on through college. For my cousin Drew, my closest friend no matter our biological relation, has a self-professed purpose in life and it’s to make fun of everything that is stupid, dumb, hurtful, selfish, wasteful and up to no good at all.
This is all by the judgment, of course, of Drew herself.
What got the local newspaper suddenly interested in Drew was her Youtube production that had her giving out “pills” for depression to folks who complained about, well, being depressed.
It was a mock commercial and I knew just as soon as Drew jumped out of her chair in the sudden and often scary way of hers after a pharmaceutical commercial featuring allegedly depressed people who suddenly get happy and gay after taking one of these little pills, right here… that something was up.
Understand that Drew was right as she often is. If Drew is not right all the way, she always, but always, has a point of view that causes most around her to nod their head affirmative, as in…”yes, that’s true.”
“Those people are ACTORS, for God’s sake!” Drew shouted. I was busy clutching my heart from the sudden scare of Drew interrupting a peaceful evening with an ascent onto her imaginary soap box to express her flash of brilliance.
“This must be how Joe Blow drug company defines depression for God’s sake!” Drew continued her shout. I’ve changed the name of the actual pharmaceutical company to protect innocent druggists everywhere. “They dress up some woman in wrinkly, crabby clothes, no make-up, looking all boo-hoo. They recommend she get some of these miracle pills and boom!”
All the while Drew is practically screaming her hurried summary, this while bouncing around the couch with the joy of her released truth and frustration. “THEN…” Drew practically seethes as I shift myself to comfort that my heart has stopped racing and I’ll probably live. I watch my cousin and roommate as I have so often in the past, in a state of amusement and exasperation. I could only hope that she’d be done before American Idol came back on.
“They dress her in nice clothes, put on some lipstick, tell her to smile and there you have it!” Drew finally bounced down to a seating position but I got her point.
So Drew makes a Youtube movie where she gets some of her friends to dress real ugly. She gets her current unsuspecting boyfriend to be the pitchman for Joe Blow’s drug company. “Tell your doctor,” Ted says in response to Drew’s directing. “Depression affects everyone around you. Make-Me-Happy can help. Ask your doctor today.”
Then Drew had her friends, including me, dress up in ridiculous frocks, all froufrou, lace and tulle. We get our hair curled up and makeup applied and we all look like we are celebrities on Dancing With the Stars. We all smile and dance about merrily, again in response to Drew’s directing.
It’s a hoot, actually, something Drew likes to do. Drew did take some theatrical courses in college and she hopes to get a job on TV soon but goodness knows in our hick town she’ll probably not go too far. As I saw it, Drew would have to move to New York to get proper recognition for her “talent”.
Only problem is, I don’t know exactly what Drew’s talent IS.
Drew’s Youtube mockery of the Make-Me-Happy anti-depression drug captured the amusement of many of that web site’s visitors. Drew was, but of course, making fun of the notion that people wearing ugly, wrinkled clothing are depressed and with but a few Make-Me-Happy pills (ASK YOUR DOCTOR TODAY), clothes suddenly become ironed, smiles magically appear, loved ones smile with joy that their beloved is no longer depressed.
“My cousin thinks that the commercial over-simplifies the concept of clinical depression. She understands that there’s only a minute to make the point but how many fools watching that thing will get it into their heads that with but a couple of Make-Me-Happy pills their life will turn joyful, all with neatly ironed and pressed clothing, naturally?”
“Has your cousin participated in any other kind of humorous satire in the past? If so, can you give us a good example?”
The reporter at the local yokel newspaper sounded bored and evidently, per her question, wanted more examples of Drew’s zaniness.
My mind raced. I thought of the time she had us all dress up as dogs, greyhounds if she had them, and chase a real rabbit all around the lawn of the state capital.
This was Drew’s effort at mocking a state referendum on dog racing up for vote.
I thought the one where Drew actually had us hoist her on an actual cross at a major intersection in our town might be a turnoff for this sudden interest in her talent that might, who knows, take her to places where her “talent” will be valued, even give her a job with a future.
Drew carefully painted the words “TOWN SMOKER” above her head and had a foot-long cigarette dangling from her crucified lips. This was a Drew stunt put on in reaction to our town’s short-lived vote to prohibit smoking in our own damn apartments. Drew didn’t smoke but this was just Drew. She saw smokers as being the victims of everyone in town with absolutely nothing going for them except that they did NOT smoke.
“They can weigh 400 pounds, have leprosy, carry around a major case of the uglies and maybe be a serial killer but hey, let’s all get together and beat the hell out of the smokers. This way finally the lepers and serial killers of the world can carry around their own sense of self-righteousness.”
Then I remembered the incident of Senator Marklin.
Actually it wasn’t Senator Marklin. It was Senator Marklin’s daughter. Which is not Senator Marklin’s name, or his daughter’s, as I’ve changed the names to protect innocent senators across the fruited plains.
Drew, or Andrea Walker as is her proper name, has always resembled Jane Marklin, daughter of four-time elected senator of Wisconsin.
“It’s not that she’s unattractive,” Drew would lament at yet another comparison of her crystal blue eyes, pouty lips and thick brunette hair to the Senator’s daughter. “But she’s got no “soul”, no,” at this Drew would look up to the heavens for the right word, “sustenance,” Drew would finish. “She considers clothes to be what makes her and I would hate to think that I was like my Doppelganger and fashion was my reason to live.”
It was true that Elizabeth Marklin was known for her fashion savvy and I suspected that Drew, definitely no slave to fashion, ahem, resented not only the surprise at her physical resemblance to the senator’s daughter, but surprise that Drew was such a direct opposite to her ersatz twin in terms of any kind of fashion sense.
“I’ve got an idea,” Drew said one night. We were both attendees at the University of Wisconsin at the time, along with Elizabeth Marklin who used to draw all eyes as she attended classes wearing her latest fashion concoction that would be worn by hundreds of other young coeds the following day.
One day Liz Marklin showed up in gym class wearing a pair of black leggings. What was odd was the leggings, worn under a pair of gym shorts, as is often the case, had a line of fringe down the calf causing the fringes to bounce all about during normal physical education activities. It was just the strangest thing but it got plenty of attention. The next day almost every female coed enrolled in phys ed showed up wearing leggings with fringe down the back of the calves.
Another time Liz wore a rather pretty pink top that was outlined with feathers. You guessed it. Hundreds of coeds showed up the next day wearing tops outlined, accented or totally covered, with feathers.
“If the females in this school are so dim that they think wearing feathers around your torso or fringes on your legs is so cool, let’s give them some REALLY dumb stuff to copy and show how cool they all are.”
Drew really worried me when she started to talk like this. I got even more worried when, after jumping up and running into the kitchen, she came out with our toaster held oddly at her side.
“So what do you think?” she asked.
She was standing at the doorway to our little kitchenette, in a pose that would be interpreted as, well a pose, definitely a pose. Our little two-sliced toaster was held in her right hand, the arm hanging at her side. She held the toaster by gripping it with two fingers inside of the designated holes for bread slices to be toasted. My quizzical look was enough to inform Drew that I had no idea what she was doing.
Drew held up the toaster high in the air. “It’s my new pocketbook!” she shouted. Before the concept of a toaster as pocketbook could register on my brain, Drew continued with her explanation.
“We’ll have to find out when Liz Marklin won’t be on campus, of course,” Drew said to my mental query as to just who are these “we” people. “When she’s not around, I’ll fix myself up in fine fashion and pretend to be her. I think I can get away with it.”
Drew danced around with her toaster “pocketbook” and I had to duck for fear of a head injury. “Of course,” Drew said with a conspiratorial wink, “I’ll add a few odd fashion choices of my own making. All the while with Liz Marklin getting all the “credit”. And we’ll begin with this fine toaster pocketbook.”
Drew affixed a ziplock sandwich bag type thing inside of the toaster holes and managed to store her makeup, wallet and other assorted purse essentials inside and we then painted the thing red with a can of spray paint. I tucked the electric cord inside of the holes as we were not rich and after the toaster’s career as a pocketbook we would want to put it back to work as its original purpose. Adorned with a plastic flower, it looked right fine.
It took a little detective work but I did obtain Liz Marklin’s class schedule and it only took a quick peek at her Dad’s web site for me to ascertain that Liz would be accompanying her father on a campaign trip. She would not be expected to be on campus for an entire week.
Drew didn’t over-do it, I’ll give her credit for this. On the first morning of Drew’s unveiling as Liz Marklin, she dressed up in a happening pantsuit. It had a black cropped cotton jacket, covered a discretely low-cut bright red blouse for that pop of color, with pants that were straight-legged to a perfect length topping red sandals. She accessorized with a small gold necklace with matching earrings and, of course, that painted toaster as a pocketbook.
The females at the college went nuts. All day Drew attended Liz Marklin’s classes. Her outfit was smashing, as Liz Marklin’s outfits always are. Drew wore large sunglasses to further her disguise and she spoke as little as possible lest her secret be discovered. Drew would enter the class with a panache that was associated with Liz Marklin. She’d sit down quietly, place her book on her desk, and as quietly as possible she’d place that toaster alongside her desk, accessible but out of the way. All eyes, males, females and professors, were glued to that toaster.
At the end of each class, Drew would grab the toaster, pull it up on her desk and get busy searching for something inside, perhaps a lipstick in one bread hole, perhaps some change in another bread hole.
As hard as it might be to believe, the very next day a legion of female students showed up with, you guessed it, toasters to be used as purses!
Some females got clever and used a four-slice toaster for the purse and many affixed a strap to the things that they may be less awkward to carry. They were painted or had stickers on them or were simply polished to a very high, proud shine. Every class had two or three female students, all carrying toaster pocketbooks, all proud of their ingenuity, fashion-forward sense and hip style.
Two days later, Drew comes out the bathroom wearing a trash bag over her torso. “What do you think?” she said, giving a pirouette worthy of the finest Paris runway. I eyed that trash bag with more than a little skepticism.
“Of course I’m going to doll it up,” Drew explained as she pulled the black 20-gallon trash bag up a bit off her hip and pinned it with a flowered pin. “I have a few items I am going to put here,” Drew continued her fussing with the trash bag, pointing to an area below her neck. She then pulled out some unusual items, a flowered eyeglass case, a little zippered purse, other things. With panache she artfully pinned these items here and there and then filled them with necessary items, sunglasses in the eyeglass case, a little umbrella in the pretty zipper purse, that kind of thing. I pitched in and helped a bit, moving the pinned items hither and yon so that Drew would not look so much like a walking mini-billboard.
Drew regarded her self in the full-length mirror. “See?” she asked me, also regarding Drew in that full-length mirror and still with much skepticism. “I have everything I need with these handsome accessories, which add both practicality and decoration to my happening poncho. I am protected from the wet rain and as the piece de resistance,” Drew paused in her fashion assessment for drama, then pulled out what was a hood from her winter coat if my memory served me.
“A fine hood that can be pulled out of my pocket and affixed quickly right here for further protection from the elements.”
First, the hood was very inappropriate for that trash bag poncho as it was made from a heavy cloth with a fur facial outline. Second, where the thing was to be stored on the trash bag poncho was inside of a slit in the thing, held on by a safety pin. Third, where it was to be affixed on this landfill contraption was yet another safety pin behind the head hole of the trash bag. I expressed my considerable reservations to my cousin Drew. THIS would surely be too over the edge and would make her fashion masquerade totally unbelievable.
“Nonsense,” Drew pooh-poohed me with a wave of her hand. “They’ll love this fashion forward poncho and the next day trash bag ponchos will be all the rave.”
She was right, damn her. Drew wore that awful thing to all of Liz Marklin’s classes two days later, awaiting a rainy day just to show the practicality of this fashion invention. The next day females showed up with plastic ponchos fashioned from such as painting tarps to shower curtains, all sewed up and decorated with various elements to hold glasses, umbrellas and protective head hoods.
So I told the newspaper reporter this story of my cousin Drew and Liz Marklin and that’s when all hell broke loose.
Drew’s career as a fashion maven ended, of course, once Liz Marklin returned to class. The toaster pocketbooks and trash bag ponchos showed up for a few more days after that but with Liz denying any knowledge of these weird fashion accoutrements, the fads faded away.
Once my story hit the newspapers, however, Liz Marklin, daughter of Wisconsin’s Senator and now an up and coming politician in her own right, remembered the whole story. She got hold of Drew and now my once brainy cousin is an assistant to Liz Marklin, currently running as a representative in the 33rd district of Wisconsin and touted as both a female with happening fashion sense, fine looks and a political background that taught her all she needed to know to work up to a possible presidential bid. My cousin Drew is now part of all that and I don’t suppose there’s anything wrong with having a job, however much it sells out your principles, and pursuing that American dream. I just miss what cousin Drew could have been, the minds she could have influenced.
I don’t see Drew much these days. Her job title is “First Assistant” to Liz Marklin and it would seem that Drew does a little of everything. On occasion Drew does serve as a sort of press agent for Liz Marklin. Marklin is only at the beginning of her political odyssey, wherever that may lead. I imagine that paid employees are expected to do a little of everything depending on the need.
The other day I saw Drew speaking to a reporter on behalf of “Joe Blow’s” drug company. Evidently they are supporting a bid for the House for Liz Marklin. “I myself was experiencing some severe depression. Once I had my doctor prescribe me some Make-Me-Happy pills I perked up so much that my dog and my family are glad to see me back to my old self.”
A week later Drew was being interviewed by yet another local yokel paper about the pending ban on cigarettes in the 33rd district, which Liz Marklin is going to support and the impending law was part of her platform. “Smokers are polluting the world and killing themselves,” I heard Drew say to my complete astonishment. “They should be crucified for the damage they cause the environment,” Drew finished up the interview with and now I was holding back some serious chuckles.
Yesterday I saw Drew show up at some campaign event wearing a huge pair of bunny slippers, complete with floppy ears and a big bow for a mouth. She walked around wearing those bunny slippers and of course no one asked about them as she was, after all, just a mere assistant and it was more important what Liz Marklin was wearing after all.
But I noticed plenty of reporters would have the camera somehow zoom in on those bunny slippers. Well hey, Drew was Liz’s First Assistant after all, right? Surely Liz Marklin influences her female employees in terms of fashion, right?
Could Liz Marklin be espousing some sort of fashion forward statement by having her First Assistant wear the next latest and greatest thing? After all, as I pondered the raised eyebrows of those reporters and reporterettes covering Liz Marklin’s campaign, those plastic ugly shoes with the holes and recessed heel called Crocs became all the rage against all fashion odds.
None of this is happening, even as I write this, in the state of Wisconsin. There is no 33rd district, at least none that I know of. There is no Liz Marklin running for the House of Representatives.
I smile as I warn yon reader to keep an eye on the news. For somewhere out there is a pretty, young woman, not a daughter of a sitting senator but with impressive relations in the congress, maybe the White House, now running for an important elective office. That pretty, young and very fashionable female has an Assistant.
I suspect this Assistant will be in the news, big time, right soon.
I can’t wait.
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Food Network Star-Teddy Finally Sent Home-Contenders Go All-American.
Food Network Star Web Site HERE
It was All-American night on The Next Food Network Star on the episode aired 6/28/09. The lying cheat Teddy was finally sent home and any fool could see this coming without a pair of binoculars.
Teddy lied on two occasions, one this past week when he lied about a collaborative meatloaf being his alone when it was the brainchild of he and Debbie. Earlier Teddy lied about how much help he gave co-contender Melissa, alleging that he’d helped out greatly with the prep when all he did was help plate the food for her.
While Teddy’s proclivities for lies was obviously dramatized for us viewers that we tune in to see him finally get his, the man was dishonest and surely the Food Network doesn’t want someone they simply cannot trust.
There are six contenders left and here’s something interesting. Got this letter in my email:
Hi Patricia,
I see you’ve been covering The Next Food Network Star on your blog, Fish Food Network. As you’re well aware, Season 5 is well under way, and it looks like this might be the most competitive one yet. As a way of getting more involved in their favorite shows, many TV lovers have taken to wagering on reality competitions such as American Idol, America’s Next Top Model, I’m A Celebrity…Get Me Out Of Here, and more.
As such, Bookmaker.com (www.bookmaker.com) has worked out the odds on which contestant is mostly likely to take the title of Next Food Network Star, offering food enthusiasts a chance to weigh in on what promises to be on of the summer’s most heated contests. They will continuously update the lines, following each new episode, as contestants are eliminated and new information is revealed.
I’ve included the odds as of this week’s episode, as I thought you might be interested in using the lines in your coverage of the show. Please let me know if you intend to include them or if there’s more information I can provide for you.
With Jeffery still leading the pack, here are the odds, courtesy of Bookmaker.com
Next Food Network Star Season 5: Round 3
Contestants: From Most to Least Likely To Win
1) Jeffrey Saad (-170)
2) Michael Proietti (-120)
3) Melissa d'Arabian (+120)
4) Jamika Pessoa (+165)
5) Debbie Lee (+180)
6) Teddy Folkman (+250)
7) Katie Cavuto (+270)
[The +/- Indicates the Return on the Wager. For Example: Betting on the candidate least likely to win would earn the most amount of money, should that happen. In this case, putting $100 on Brett, would earn you $425, plus you’re original $100.]
dteicher@5wpr.com
Please note that the above odds includes Teddie who is now gone. I also went ahead and included a link to Bookmaker.com cause hey, maybe one of yon Food Network Star enthusiasts would like to wager on the outcome.
I am intrigued by the fact that Bookmaker.com has Jeffrey in the lead with Michael close behind. In the far distance they have Melissa.
I think Melissa has way better odds to win this thing than Michael any day of the week. Anybody with a few bucks willing to wager go bet on Melissa. Michael’s a good cook but his TV personality sucks. Food Network shows are every bit as much about the personality projected by the camers as they are about cooking, even more so many would argue.
The episode on 6/28/09 was a test of the contenders’ knowledge of American cooking, especially on a local level. The mini-challenge had each contender preparing a hamburger. The contender got to pick the region, the winner would have their burger featured in Bobby Flay’s new burger joint (which makes this show a shameless plug for Flay’s new restaurant) and the contenders had 20 minutes to concoct and cook their creations.
Michael won this challenge with his creation of a “Little Italy” burger, put on a bun made of garlic bread and this fascinated the judges.
The absolute worst, by me, was Jamika’s concotion, a godawful thing made with both SAUSAGE AND a hamburger patty. It wasn’t like her sausage was just a little addendum to the creation. She had a great big piece of some kind of jambalaya thing under that beef patty and hey, you really can have too much meat.
Melissa prepared a nice “Burlington Burger”, a Vermont thing she called it. Katie came up with a turkey burger, her health guru self. This was the first thing Katie’s prepared that I might eat although go with me here…a hamburger should include a nice big beef patty, give me a break.
For the elimination challenge, we had service members of the USS Intrepid come on the set. The contenders were challenged to prepare meals for these folks and their families. The catch was that the meals had to be prepared from ingredient baskets that had a pre-selected, and often odd, group of ingredients within. Each contender was also charged with presenting their dish, including a spiel that would include something personal and intriguing about themselves.
Teddy made something called a “DLT”, with was a duck breast (one of his pre-selected ingredients), lettuce and tomato. Teddy did a terrible job with his presentation to include actually looking at the palms of his hands for his notes ostensibly written on them.
Jeff, the leader in this contest so far in terms of his cooking and TV skills, really messed up this week. This makes the contest more interesting because Melissa, a dark horse up until this point, really shone in both of her presentations.
Jeff had some odd ingredients to compile, including blueberries and lobster. It seems to me he could have created a little salad type of affair on which to nestle the nicely steamed lobster. The salad would have blueberries as an ingredient and it would all be dressed with a sharp raspberry dressing.
Instead Jeff came up with a lobster pot pie and right there you have a complete waste of God’s seafood from heaven. Lobster doesn’t need much done to it at all, a nice steam with a side of butter. I understand that the contenders had to be more creative than this but burying a lobster inside of a pie crust was a bit much.
His pot pie came out gooey and ugly and the judges said it tasted awful. What a shame.
Melissa had a skirt steak and some chiles as her ingredients. She created something she called a “Skirt steak tostada” and it was a hit with the judges. As it would turn out, Melissa was quite the expert on skirt steak, having this inexpensive meat often as prepared by her single Mom.
Melissa came out looking like a star this week, the Next Food Network Star that she could surely be judging by her performance on this episode.
Below a remix of several contenders’ TV presentations with my snarky comments inserted, natch.
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