Pat Fish's Blog: Thoughts-Michelle's Fashion Review; Movie Revie-"Baby Mama", Dance With Stars-Doble and Waltz Night; American Idol 09-Birthday Music; TV Rev-"Survivin

He won a contest on this very Blog. Michelle begins the sad story of Bounty, his disease, her dismay, the sadness in a Guest post below.

There were a few surprises in the bottom three on American's Idol Birthday night-4/7/09.

In fact, the contender sent packing was only following the advice of vaunted Judge Abdul.

A review of AI 09's birthday night, a prediction of the top 5, the video your DVR failed to record, the top three and worst performance of the night.

All with pics and videos you'll find nowhere else on the Internet.
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He staples his scrotum to his leg for giggles and grins and now he dances horrifically. And yet he stays around while others must dance off to stay in the contest.

A football player and singer fall to the bottom two, one goes home, yet Steve-O hangs in there on Paso Doble/Viennese Waltz night on 2009 “Dancing With the Stars”

All with pics and videos you'll find nowhere else on the Internet.
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Tina Fey is an angry woman and it shows, unfortunately, in her acting in the film “Baby Mama”, reviewed in this Blog post.

The movie has its funny moments but it’s no great paean to thought and morals, make no mistake. It’s definitely a chick flick, let us not mislead.

The biggest surprise is the role played by Steve Martin!
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Couple of TV reviews this week. First-“The Unusuals”, a cop show that should appeal to both men and women with its, eh, unusual cops, humorous storylines, and very believable scripting.

Second-“Surviving Suburbia” with he who looks like the guy most likely to live in this suburbia we are to believe he despises, his hip and happening self, Bob Saget.

I go into a rant about this dumb show and my rants are not to be missed.

Finally an update on “The Celebrity Apprentice” of 4/5/09, viral videos, over-exposure of those Rivers people, and scripting too dumb to believe.

All with pics and video you’ll find nowhere else on the Internet.
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Right here we’ve got the first Michelle Obama fashion show along with my excellent commentary. It’s not all bad but she’s no sophisticated and stylishly understated Laura Bush. For sure she’s no Jackie Kennedy as the gushing Lamestream mavens would have you believe.

Plenty of pics, the good, the bad, the ugly.

Also, Obamerisms from the past week, tea party updates, my cute nephew Matthew Fish, solid proof that global warming is a joke and ending with a smile on this Easter Sunday Blog post.
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Pic of the Day

Tea Party Mania

-NATIONAL TEA PARTy INFO HERE

Below-to get media coverage:

ABC News:
phone: (212) 595-3640 ask for news dept.
http://www.abcnews.go.com/site/page?id+3068843
address:7 West 66th St.; NY, NY 10023

NBC News (includes msnbc)
Address: 30 Rockefeller Plaza; NY, NY 10112
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/10285339

CBS News
phone: (212) 975-3247 ask for news dept.
http://www.cbsnews.com
524 West 57th St. ; NY, NY 10019

CNN
http://www.cnn.com/feedback/tips/newstips.html

FOX News
1-(888) 369-4762
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,77538,00.htm

Below, listen to the song of the coming “revolution”:

So I’m a little nervous but I am organized and I am a loyal conservative Blogger with more nerve than any of those overly-tanned, perfectly-coiffed, polished-fingernailed Lords in the Republican party. Tiny little Delaware is having FOUR big tea parties and last I heard every local radio and TV outlet will be on hand.

I will be attending the tea party held in the Circle in Georgetown, Delaware. From what I’m hearing there are tea parties planned across the fruited plains and I’m intrigued at how the Lamestream media is going to manage to ignore it all.

I chanced to mention to another choir member that I would be at the Georgetown tea party and he said that he would be too.

Which is just the point, yon ladies and gems. It’s members of CHURCH CHOIRS who will be out and about protesting this president who is spending this country to hell and back with no regard for our children and grandchildren who must bear this debt.

Not that we have any Republican types fighting back against Obama and this Democrats’ robbery of the U.S. Treasury that they coyly call a “stimulus package”, this so that their thugs and thieves who vote them into power can buy houses without qualification to repay and get bailed out. Also the big automakers in Detroit and their union thug buddies who fill Democratic coffers with the money from their members’ dues and that they too can be bailed out with the hard-earned money of us taxpayers.

Stay tuned to this Blog for tea party updates and I do intend to text into Twitter so sign on: HERE

And if you hear of a middle-aged heart patient getting thrown in jail in Georgetown, Delaware, pray me a prayer.

The Michelle Obama Fashion Show

Folks, no matter what they tell you, Michelle Obama is NO Jackie Kennedy.

Which is not to say that Michelle doesn’t have a fashion style, of sorts, and it’s not too bad. She does have this fetish for showing her upper arms at the most inappropriate times, liked in January, in dead of winter, in Washington D.C. A sleeveless dress just looks dumb as all get out at that time of year no matter how toned thy arms may be.

Laura Bush had a way better fashion style than Michelle but you never heard the media goons carry on with the gushing and oohing like they do for Michelle Obama. Then again Laura Bush’s fashion style was sophisticated, appropriate and the woman would never wear a sleeveless dress in January, go on.

I have seen Michelle outfitted quite well, in fact, although she’s worn some ugly frocks as well.

Below some pics I compiled with mine own fine commentary on Michelle Obama’s fashion. They speak for themselves.

Cute Nephew

He’s got the big job of carrying on the Fish name. He’s cute, tough, little boy bad at times and now he’s famous!

From this Blog…

Matthew Fish with childrens’ book author

Tell me this fine Matthew Fish doesn’t look like his picture should be under “All-American Boy”.

Heh.

Folks, I know Hillary Clinton is supposed to be the smartest woman in the world but yon reader knows that I am smarter in my little finger than all that woman’s brains in her entire body.

I can’t think of a WORST Secretary of State than this big-ankled woman. She’s socially awkward, she’s screeches when she orates and God knows she can’t carry a tune in a bucket. She lies just, boom…lie as required, make up stuff.

In fact my one and only fondness for Barack Obama was when he mocked Hillary and how she should be Annie Oakley for all her gun bravado as she lied about.

She gives the current Russian administration a quasi-nuclear button, she says she was named after Edmund Hillary who first climbed Mt. Everest when he didn’t do so until five years after her bith.

Folks, there’s not enough room to list this woman’s gaffes on this post or the entire Blog for this matter. So when she sent out the link for a scheduled conference call and it led the poor caller directly into a sex phone line…what can I say?

You can’t make this stuff up.

Heh.

HEH.

Obamerisms

I believe it’s Ed Morrissey of Hot Air.com who created a daily file of bloopers and boo-boos by Obama. So my idea is not original.

But the libs every damn day without letup published and snickered over each and every thing Dubya Bush said wrong and all is fair, yon ladies and gems, in love and war.

Obama does, but of course, win the Quip of the Week for his comment that he did not know the correct phrasing for some term or another in “Austrian”. In other words, heh, he couldn’t say whatever he wanted to say in what I suppose he thought was the native language of Austria, ie…heh…”Austrian”.

Anybody who watched the Sound of Music would know that there is no native language in Austria. Natives of that country speak German, French or English, depending on what part of that country they are from.

Obama should have asked Governor Schwarzeneggar. Snort.

A few other Obamerisms from this past week…America is NOT a Christian nation, his dream that the world will give up its nuclear weapons. Sure, Barack, Al Queda and Iran will give up their nukes and we’ll give up ours. In fact, America should go first.

Obama also mentioned that America is not at war with Islam, which we are not and which President Bush said every damn time the matter was mentioned. Bush would also throw in that little factoid that the Muslims had an obligation, however, to reel in their Islamofacist kooks, while Obama left that part out.

And finally, the most egregious Obamerism of them all, that bow to that son of a camel, King Abdullah. Women in Saudi Arabia are not allowed to drive, can be publicly flogged for being out without a male relative and last week three Pakistanis were publicly beheaded.

The House of Saud has no particular talents as leaders save their love for the camel and them all being first to claim the oil. That country has a miserable employment rate although it has reservoirs of the most oil on the planet.

And the President of the United States of America BOWS to this guy?

No class, absolutely no class at all.

From 1975-A Warning About Impending Climate Change

Only then the doom and gloom was all about global cooling.

Heh.

Ending With a Smile

Presented as a public service by this Blog. Included are best wishes for a Happy Easter.

Beware, they are the pretenders. Proof below.

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AI-09 4/8/09-He Left His Comfort Zone & the Public Sent Him Home

Adam Lambert
Alexis Grace-sent home 3/18/09
Allison Iraheta
Anoop Desai
Danny Gokey
Jasmine Murray-sent home 3/11/09
Jorge Nunez-sent home 3/11/09
Kris Allen
Lil Rounds
Matt Giraud
Megan Joy-sent home 4/1/09
Michael Sarver-sent home 3/28/09
Scott MacIntyre-sent home 4/8/09

So first some American Idol gossip. Warning, I read this in the Enquirer so I have no URL to back it up. But according to the gossip mongers at this weekly supermarket tabloid, Clay Aiken’s record company did not re-sign him up.

When you think about it, what have we heard from Clay Aiken lately?

On to what I call birthday week and if we’ve learned nothing else from the performances of songs popular in the year of each contender’s birth, it’s that the American public DOES tend to judge by the night’s performance as rendered. A bad performance on one night will send a contender to the bottom three never mind the overall standard of all the other performances is what I’m saying here.

The best example is Scott MacIntyre. Now dopey Paula Abdul said she thought that Scott should get out from behind that piano and leave his comfort zone. That advice turned out to be a disaster. In fact, on Itune week Scott stayed well within his comfort zone, as I stated in that week’s AI Blog post. Scott sang a Billy Joel tune that week, a song so perfect for him, that I blessed Scott with my own nomination for the top three performances of the evening. And Scott was not, on Itune week, in the bottom three.

This week Scott came out from behind that piano and he played an electric guitar. Scott sang “The Search Is Over”, a song I normally like. It’s not that the song wasn’t pretty as Scott sang it, but at times Scott’s voice did not quite wrap itself around those big, high notes and it was pitchy as all get out.

All of the judges agreed with my ears and they all said he should have stayed behind that piano, even Paula, who told him earlier in the competition to come on out. I think Paula indulges in the spirits a bit too much judging from her glassy eyes one sees from time to time.

This week, before I even knew the bottom three, I put Scott’s performance as my weekly worst and not only was he in the bottom three, he was sent home. The judges didn’t save him either. Nor should they have, frankly, because Scott MacIntyre was not American Idol winning material. He’s a very sweet, nice, attractive fellow who will likely make good money the rest of his life playing the piano and singing in the lounges of Las Vegas, perhaps the cruise ships.

Also in the bottom three this week, LIL ROUNDS! Again, I’m not surprised although just two short weeks ago I’d have been touting Lil’s talent and all but naming her 2009’s American Idol for certain.

Somewhere along the line it seems that Lil just couldn’t get it on. When I first heard Lil I likened her to Fantasia. Fantasia owned the songs she sang, she reached inside of her deep and belted it out and it was hers. Lil doesn’t do that. Lil does a very good imitation of the singer who sang her choice of tunes but like her choice on this Birthday night, Tina Turner’s “What’s Love Got to Do With It”, Lil did a very fine imitation of Tina Turner but Lil Rounds didn’t take control of the song and show us where she can go.

I was very disappointed as was the American public. The judges all too agreed. It just wasn’t what it should have been and we know it when we hear it. This was the first time Lil was in the bottom three. I still think Lil will be in the top 5. I do not for one second think she will beat out Adam Lambert, or Allison Ireheta for that matter.

Anoop Desai was the third singer in the dreaded bottom three and we all know it’s just a matter of time before Anoop goes home.

Again, Anoop seems to be a fine fellow, sweet and kind and yes, talented. But it takes more than those traits to win American Idol.

Anoop sang a pretty tune, “True Colors” and for the most part the judges complimented him on his performance. Still the public voted Anoop in the final three because Anoop is just not this year’s American Idol, likely not even in the top 5.

The absolute best performance of the night came from, of course, Adam Lambert.

It’s been the bane of American Idol DVR fans across the fruited plains that because the performance show went beyond 9 pm, the DVR’s stopped recording right during Adam’s song. In fact, there was only enough time for one judge’s comment and Simon gave it by simply standing and giving Adam an ovation.

I, as your loyal Blogger and American Idol commentator, have obtained a video of Adam’s performance, below.

The second best performance of the night was definitely by Allison.

Allison is the youngest of this year’s contenders, born in 1992. She sang “I Can’t Make You Love Me”. Her performance would serve as a fine example to Lil of how a contender takes a tune and makes it their own.

That tune is well-known by most Americans but Allison owned it, yes she did. Most Americans know the tune “What’s Love Got to Do With It?” as well, but the difference between Lil’s performance and Allison’s illustrates well between owning a tune and being a good imitator.

The judges mentioned the issues with Allison’s interviewing style and goodness the weird stuff she wears. Allison did look a little better on Birthday night.

I don’t think Allison could beat Adam even if she didn’t dress like a little girl raiding mommie’s closet but she’d be a shoo-in for second if she didn’t throw away her impressions with her awful sense of style.

The third best performance of the night, from 1985, was by Matt Giraud and his cool and hip version of “Part Time Lovers”. The judges loved his performance and note that Matt was not in that bottom three.

I think Matt will be edged out of a top five position by Kris Allen but if he keeps performing like this, maybe not.

Danny Gokey performed “Stand by Me”, from 1980.

Danny gave the song his own spin, I’ll give him that. The judges liked Gokey’s version, in fact, although I didn’t like it all that much. Still, Danny hangs in there although after Anoop gets booted off I think Danny might be in danger.

Kris Allen, this year’s contender who has yet to entertain me and any form or fashion, sang, from 1985, “All She Wants To Do Is Dance”, a song I never heard of. Again I thought Kris was boring, boring.

Usually the judges like Kris but this week they didn’t think much of his performance. Finally the judges and myself agree about Kris.

I think Kris will be in the top five although I’m not sure he deserves it. He has been, however, steady and strong in his performances, he’s made good song choices, he has an engaging and friendly type of demeanor, so I think he’ll edge out Danny or Matt.

My current predictions, subject to change at a whim, for the top five American Idol slots for 2009, below:

1-Adam Lambert
2-Kris Allen
3-Lil Rounds
4-Danny Gokey
5-Allison Ireheta

Below a remix of two of my top three nominations (a video of Adam’s performance, my choice for best, above) for best performances on birthday night, along with my nod to the worst performance of that night.

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4/6/09-Paso Doble and Viennese Waltz Night

Well I was as surprised by the elimination of David Grier as anyone. Steve-O, who is famous for stapling his testicles to his leg did yon reader know this?, is a good two to three weeks beyond his expiration date. Lawrence Taylor too should have been out of there before Grier.

Now Grier does have personality issues which goes to show that as with American Idol is not necessarily all about singing, nor is Dancing With the Stars all about dancing.

-Ty Murray-Jewel’s husband, rodeo star
-Holly Madison-on “Girls Next Door”-sent home 3.31.09
-Belinda Carlisle-lead singer Go-Go's-sent home-sent home 3/17/09
-David Alan Grier-Actor-sent home 4/7/09
-Shawn Johnson-17 years old...olympic gold medal winner
-Lil Kim-rapper, singer and actress
-Gilles Marini-Actor
-Steve-o-MTV Star
-Melissa Rycroft-Bachelor star
-Denise Richards-Actress-married to a Sheen-sent home-3/24/09
-Lawrence Taylor-NY Giants football Hall of Famer
-Chuck Wicks-singer and songwriter
-Steve Wozniak-Apple computer wiz-sent home 3/31/09

The dances featured on the competition show on the night of 4/6/09 were the Paso Doble and the Viennese Waltz. Every year I watch this reality show and every year I ponder who on earth dances the Paso Doble, the so-called “dance of the bullfighters”, where they dance it, and why?

I suppose they dance it in Spain, maybe Mexico, where there are actual bullfights. But really, what does a bullfight have to do with dance, romance or music?

The Viennese Waltz on the other hand, is very pretty to watch. Although I couldn’t give you a plugged nickel’s worth of difference between the waltz named after Vienna and the more ordinary waltz of no geographical distinction.

But that’s just me.

So Julianne and Chuck began the night’s dance with a Viennese Waltz and Chuck has become such a fluid dancer that were it not for his steamy romance with his partner I’d almost think Chuck has went over to side of the homosexuals. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. But for sure our homosexual brethren show a fluidity and flair for the dance that their hetero brothers can only hope to match in a country line dance.

Their performance featured a pretty ending that had a sort of double meaning for this couple. Chuck got down on bended-knee at the end as if proposing and hey, this couple is not yet married. In fact the host asked Chuck if the ending meant anything, which he denied.

The judges reacted kindly to Julianne and Chuck’s performance although Carrie Ann, who gets a bit peevish at times, said that Chuck “irritates” her at times. The couple received 23 points out of 30 for their performance.

Lawrence Taylor moves around the dance floor like those dogs in the Broadway musical “Cats”. In that musical, the dogs were featured dancing about but they all had big cardboard boxes on their feet. As a result they were clumpy, lumpy and jumpy, exactly as an elegant cat would envision a galoot dog doing a dance.

This show has featured dancing athletes in the past, even football players who must often be fleet of foot. They’ve done quite well but Taylor, well he’s like those dogs.

I had to chuckle at Taylor’s depiction of his assigned dance of the Paso Doble as akin to watching TV with no sound. I can well imagine Lawrence would see that nuanced and mysterious dance like that.

Curmudgeon judge Len said that this performance was Lawrence’s best dance to date and Taylor and Edita got a total of 20 points for the performance.

Sweet young Shawn performed a Viennese Waltz with her partner Mark. I thought Shawn looked beautiful, I loved the song, and as a typical American woman watching this out here in la-la land, I was very entertained.

Judge Len was a little contrary but the scores totaled 26 points for Shawn and Mark, giving Shawn a tie for the second highest score of the night.

Melissa Rycroft, that Bachelor star left at the altar this past season as scripted, has done very well this season and I see her as a second place, possibly a winner in this competition.

The Paso Doble is not Melissa’s dance and she is the first to admit it.

I loved Melissa’s curly hairdo and I did enjoy watching the dance performance. I thought her footwork was way below par to Melissa’s usual movement on the dance floor and Melissa explained that she felt she spent more effort trying to look serious and passionate as the Paso Doble requires than minding her feet.

The judges complained about many “blunders” during the dance. I reviewed the video and couldn’t find anything I’d call a blunder but yes, Melissa looked awkward. She’s definitely not a Paso Doble kind of gal.

Melissa and her partner Tony received 25 points, bringing Melissa in fourth place for the night.

David Grier and his partner Kim performed a Viennese Waltz and my notes say, simply, “was ok”.

Well Grier and Lawrence Taylor were in the bottom two for the night in terms of audience vote. I think Grier deserved more time although I don’t think he had a chance against Marini and Rycroft. But even though Grier got an additional two points for his dance-off performance he still got the boot.

It was going to happen, of course, but before Taylor and Steve-O? Is there no justice?

So Gilles Marini took off his shirt and did the Paso Doble. How on earth could any frail human beat that? The crowd, of course, loved the drama. And for Gilles, the Paso Doble worked so well with his handsome Latin features and exquisitely muscled body.

Has anyone noticed that Judge Len seems to get uptight when the men fellows bare their chests? After Gilles performed that Paso Doble that sent the crown to paroxysms of joy, Len said he thought the dance was too intense.

Say what?

The Paso Doble IS an intense dance. Gilles performed it perfectly. Further, Bruno, who never met a male chest he didn’t admire, went nuts with his joy.

Gilles and his partner got a total of 29 points for his performance, with the evidently jealous Len holding out that point to keep this team from a perfect score. It was, however, the highest score of the night.

Okay, Steve-O does a Viennese Waltz and how clever to dress up Steve-O as a mime that he may march woodenly through the dance and yet still look in place?

Actually I thought the performance was “cute” but some would argue the Viennese waltz is not meant to be cute. Steve-O and Lacey received the huge total of 18 points for the dance, putting them at the bottom of the pile for the night in terms of judge’s scores.

Chelsea and Ty performed a Paso Doble and while, of late, the awkward bull-riding Ty has begun to come into his own as an ersatz dancer, and even though Ty is familiar with bulls, this was just not the dance for him. Bruno said Ty was too stiff and yes, that’s the ticket.

Ty and Chelsea received 21 points for their performance.

Lil Kim performed a very pretty Viennese Waltz and tonight I noted that Kim has quite the booty on her. Although it’s a nice booty, the kind men adore though most women hate what they consider a “big” behind.

I thought the dance by Kim and Derek looked wonderful and this is in no small part to Derek, who is, by me, the best male professional dancer on this show. The song was lovely and, in fact, on elimination night Kim and Derek were invited back to do it again.

Kim and Derek got a total of 26 points for the performance, bringing them into a tie for second place.

I think Kim’s a contender for second place, along with Melissa and Shawn.

And so it goes. I offer my first prediction, subject to change on a whim, for the top three in the 2009 competition of “Dancing With the Stars”:

1-Gilles Marini
2-Melissa Rycroft

Below, a remix of some of the best, and worst, dances on Paso
3-Lil Kim Doble/Viennese Waltz:

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”Surviving Suburbia”

ABC Home page for this show HERE.

Oh please.

Another situation comedy about a disgruntled fellow living in the hell of suburbia and struggling to get through it? With Bob Saget as the Star?

First, here’s a true story. I once lived in a little community known as, I’m not making this up, “SUBURBIA”. One week some liberal weenie for the local liberal rag, “The Baltimore Sun”, wrote an article mocking the community of “Suburbia”, mostly because its name lent itself so well to liberal mockery but truth be told, this community was the very picture of suburban sprawl and all the angst this sort of living brings upon, insert sarcasm here.

I owned a little house in this community of Suburbia. I bought it, with my husband at the time, for, tada, $19,000. My husband up and left me even before we moved in and after the heartbreak, I kept that little rancher and it became the beginning of my own American Dream.

Suburbia had a school within the community and it had a community swimming pool. My daughter attended that school until we moved and I managed that community pool until it went the way of community pools across the fruited plains what with backyard pools so relatively cheap and such.

In fact I met and married another fellow and we bought yet another home in this community of Suburbia, this a big ole split-level with an eat-in kitchen and split-foyer. We bought that house for $50,000 after selling that other little house for $32,000.

After that snobby Baltimore Sun writer wrote that article I sat down and wrote a huge response. I ranted and raved about how Suburbia was an American dream for this young lady who grew up poor but managed, as a single woman mind you, to own her own home before I was even 21 years old. Well I went on and on. The week following, the Baltimore Sun printed my lengthy response as it has always, evidently, been in me to write. In fact the Baltimore Sun put it on the front page of the local section, above the fold!

The interesting thing here is I had no idea my response had been printed in the paper but that night there was a meeting of the Suburbia Community Association and right after I entered the meeting room , everyone already present stood up and gave me a rousing standing ovation.

I had absolutely no idea why this was happening. Someone brought a copy of the Baltimore Sun over to me and you could have knocked me over with a feather.

This is a true story. I checked the web site of the Baltimore Sun and they only have the paper archived back to 1990. My story would have been around 1972/1974 or thereabouts. Maybe someday I’ll do more research but it really did happen.

Some might say my response was kind of hackneyed as I did go into a boo-hoo about my poor abused child self and how wonderful it was to own a home in a pretty community that HAD TREES for God’s sake. The writer of the article said there were no trees in the community of Suburbia, trying to create bleak and barren picture of ticky-tacky homes surrounded by brown, brown, brown.

Anyway, back to this very stupid series about Suburbia and note please that once again there seems to be some idea that folks living in suburban communities are somehow deprived, denied and miserable.

At least Bob Saget is but ah, yon reader, Bob Saget’s picture should be under the Wikipedia definition of “boring, ordinary, white male” so his angst at being “forced” to live in Suburbia is a bit unbelievable.

I suppose I am the worst person to review this series as to my prejudice against those who think it’s not possible to take a generic kind of house, in a quiet and ordinary type of community, and make it your very own through artful decoration, paint and landscaping. In fact, heh, after that split-level yet ANOTHER husband and myself purchased my father’s house, a run-down affair that would rival the Adams’ family home for curb appeal. It was located on a small creek off of the Magothy River in Merryland, the lot was sloped and triangle shaped and defied constant care.

Husband and I lived in that house for fifteen years when we finally sold it for a real nice profit and guess where we live now? IN A LITTLE SUBURBAN COMMUNITY TICKY TACKY HOUSE IN DELAWARE FAR AWAY FROM THE LIBERALS IN MERRYLAND!

We’ve had quite enough of originality and non-conformity, thank you. Our current house is very ordinary but we love it, we love our nice flat lot, we love the tiny community where we live where we’re not especially close to the neighbors but we know they are there. Once a year we have a community yard sale but beyond that there’s no major interaction and most of us, transplants all, like it that way.

Thus we have established that I think the premise of “Surviving Suburbia” is a dumb one, have we not? Especially when characterized by Bob Saget his very ordinary white-bread self.

The show airs on Mondays, now at 9:30 pm after ABC’s “Dancing With the Stars” which lead-in is required as no one would bother hanging around. The premiere show had, tada, Steve Patterson, Bob Saget’s character, dealing with such as handling keys for neighbors, dialing up prostitutes, precocious children and one funny scene featuring Jere Burns as Dr. Jim who ends the episode naked on the Patterson couch.

Maybe you hadda be there.

My advice? Don’t bother.

Below, the funniest scene from the premiere episode…which is not about the star or his precocious children.

ABC’s “The Unusuals”

On Wednesdays at 10 pm EST, ABC, this is a show hyped as a cop sort of MASH.

Well I don’t know about that but I’m kind of thinking that this show just might have a future. For one thing, it definitely should appeal to men, a criteria very many of the shows I tend to like do not have. It should also appeal to women in that it’s quirky, funny, offbeat and not filled with violence. Judging by the storyline of the premiere episode, the stories as told seem to be the stuff of reality, the kind of thing I suspect police departments across the fruited plains must deal with.

I recall the lady who called 911 because McDonald’s wouldn’t serve her McNuggets so it’s not a stretch to imagine a fellow bitter at cats that inadvertently killed his wife through toxoplasmosis. In his tortured mind, the cats that cross his path needed to die for the torment they caused him. Of course there’s humorous scenes leading up to the capture of the cat killer, including “lie detectors” that are really copiers, famed citizens convinced the murder of their cat was personal and finally trapping the cat killer in a car filled with…yes …cats. He confessed just so they would let him out of his cat-filled car hell.

“The Unusuals” has a bunch of rather odd detective types and this adds to its quirkiness. One fellow desperately wants to die in the line of duty, another is terrified of death so much that he never removes his bullet-proof vest and does, to the dismay of those with whom he works, often vacate the crime scene at the most inopportune time for his fears.

All the while the sergeant of this precinct is looking to rid his ranks of the weirdos and in one move to this end he recruits a vice squad cop who has secrets of her own.

Detective Casey Shraeger is played by Amber Tamblyn, best remembered for “Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants”. Adam Goldberg plays Detective Eric Delahoy. Delahoy is looking to die on duty but if for nothing else but preserving his place on the show, we suspect Delahoy will remain alive. We also suspect his exploits towards that death on duty will make for interesting storylines.

I’m not sure I predict a runaway success for this series but I think it has some things that might make it happen. Begin with a script that has a few ongoing storylines, add some good acting with great characters, keep it real, human, believable…this one could be a winner.

”Celebrity Apprentice” –Bizarre Viral Videos and Eliminations

First, let me say right now that I am sick of Joan Rivers and her spawn, Melissa.

Which is not to say that they are not fine members of the celebrity assemblage gathered to carry this reality show but seriously folks, Joan and Melissa are given way more air time than their own brand of celebrity deserves.

4.5.09celebrity ALL commercial pic montage

The challenge for this show the night of 4/5/09 was to create something called a “viral video” for ALL, the laundry detergent.

I didn’t know that night as I watched, and which could have been explained to the viewers a bit better, but a viral video is a commercial that because of its weird and unusual content is posted on Blogs, Youtube and such, or delivered by email. In other words, it’s a video created to advertise a product, yes, but it is spread by the USERS across the vast Internet with the original goal of product exposure gained instead of going through more normal and socially correct advertising agencies.

Thus the videos so produced would be also expected to have outlandish content, perhaps a bit x-rated, zany…all to prompt those who view it to laugh enough to send the video on to other viewers.

It wasn’t your ordinary soap commercial is what I’m saying here.

The teams were mixed up a bit in that the male team, KOTU, had far fewer members for their many losses than the formerly all female team, Athena. So Joan Rivers was separated from her daughter, thank God, for the first time, and ended up on a team with country music singer Clint Black. Jesse James ended up on the team with Tionne Watkins.

Clint was Project Manager for his team and KOTU’s viral video involved a silly joke Clint told while the team was ruminating over their task. It involved a husband/wife team who used the euphemism “doing the laundry” for having sex. The product being touted was ALL laundry detergent. The joke involved an invitation extended by husband to wife to do the laundry, a rejection by the too-busy wife, a later acceptance by the wife only to be turned down by the husband who already did the laundry “by hand”. Ha,ha,ha.

The Athena team had Jesse James wearing a dirty shirt in a Laundromat and he ended up being scrubbed clean by three midgets. Said midgets then got into a brouhaha that had them throwing scrub brushes at each other.

Well I have a montage of both the viral videos at the end of this post but warning, they are both dumb as all get out and frankly I wouldn’t ever send on either of them via email to anyone I valued as a friend or acquaintance.

-Jesse James-founder of West Coast Choppers
-Dennis Rodman-5 time NBA champion-sent home 3/29/09
-Andrew "Dice" Clay-once dirty mouthed comedian-sent home 3/1/09
-Joan Rivers-talk show host
-Herschel Walker-Retired NFL player
-Khloe Kardashian-the Kardashian without the nice ass-sent home 4/5/09
-Tionne "T-Box" Watkins-R&B singer-sent home 4/5/09
-Natalie Gulbis-Professional golfer
-Tom Green-Actor, comedian-sent home 3/15/09
-Claudia Jordan-Actress, model-sent home 3/22/09
-Clint black-country music star
-Brande Roderick-Actress and Playboy model
-Brian McKnight mutli platinum R&B singer
-Melissa Rivers-daughter of Joan Rivers
-Scott Hamilton-gold medal olympic figure skater-sent home 3/8/09
-Annie Duke-professional poker player, motivational speaker

Two things about this episode were very fake. First, Trump ended up firing Tionne AND Khloe for really stupid reasons.

Second, Joan Rivers launched into a diatribe against Clint Black that was so obviously scripted and fake that I wanted to punch her. In fact, this past week Joan’s been on various commercials lambasting Clint Black and expressing her hatred for him and come on folks, Clint Black is one of the most gentle members of this series. Just because he had a dumb idea for that video doesn’t make him Atilla the Hun. But Joan Rivers is likely one of the more well-known celebrities on this year’s Celebrity Apprentice so her trumped up fake tirades probably bring attention to the series which should be ramping up more viewers with an eye towards a winner and grand finale.

Two people were fired last week because the ALL people didn’t like either of the viral videos produced, as well they shouldn’t have.

Tionne was the winning PM last week, covered on this Blog HERE. So, please note, Tionne’s charity already received a monetary reward. Trump fired Tionne because as her team’s project manager pointed out, Tionne volunteered to go into the board room for elimination, all part of being part of a big, merry and loyal team.

“Never volunteer for an execution,” The Donald said as he fired Tionne, ostensibly for doing such a thing. I think it’s just as likely Tionne had to move on to other professional obligations and since her charity had already won, perhaps also part of the plan, well her innocent, even notable, act of volunteering to stand by her team leader became a reason to send her home.

Khloe Kardashian turned out to have gotten a ticket for a DUI and goodness The Donald’s sure taking on the vice of drinking this year, isn’t he? Khloe had to miss the prior week’s challenge for having to attend a class for drinking and driving and, I suspect although The Donald acted like his firing of Khloe was because of her crime of drinking and driving, that Khloe was unable to get out of those mandatory classes.

I don’t think an obligation to appear on the “Celebrity Apprentice” is a legal excuse to get out of repaying society for such a wanton disregard of the law. The Donald did give Khloe’s charity its financial reward and made a big deal out of firing Khloe for drinking and driving when again, I think she couldn’t get out of those classes.

There’s nothing wrong with how last week’s challenge came down. The viral videos were amusing if not hopelessly dumb. But it was a story, a task, a surprise ending.

It’s just that scripting for this episode was really a stretch for the viewer to suspend his or her disbelief.

Below an abridged version of the two hopelessly dumb viral videos.

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Editor Note: On this Blog post, Bounty, the dog Michelle writes about below, won the dog contest.

Drivel: The C Word

Bounty has a form of skin cancer. It's attacking his nose, which looks most days as if he's been digging up concrete with it, and it's losing
pigment.

The vet told me the disease is cutaneous epitheliotropic t-cell lymphoma, but all I really heard was -phoma. Almost mechanically, I've
gone through the steps to find out what's possible and what isn't.
That journey isn't yet over, and it's still not really real except for
rare moments deep in the darkness of the night or when talking with a
canine oncologist across a stainless steel table where a furry dog
stands trembling.

Yes, before you ask, you're right. Bounty is not quite five years old; quite young for any cancer, and especially this one, to strike. He's
not usually outside much and doesn't - that I know of - sunbathe, so I
don't think it was caused by excessive exposure to the sun. Where did
it come from? If we could answer that, we'd be rich and people would
be standing in line outside our door.

We don't have many answers yet. Some things we'll never have answers
for, and likely the cause is one of those.

I do know we're going back to the oncologist next Monday to start some
kind of treatment. We've already been through most of the staging tests, and found that the cancer has spread enough that it can't be
treated surgically (difficult, at best, in skin cancer anyway) but not
so much that it's affecting the internal organs, most likely (the only
way to be absolutely certain is to go in and look; not an option). The
oncologist is hopeful that we can severely slow or halt the progress
of the disease.

We cannot, of course, cure it.

I won't know until after that visit exactly what that prognosis might
mean in doggy years. So far, Bounty is mildly annoyed by his nose's
refusal to do what normal noses do, very annoyed by my nightly
application of the salve intended to keep infection out, and not
bothered at all by the C word or what it might mean to him.

I think I finally understand what was meant by "Ignorance is bliss."

Michelle
winebird@winebird.com
The Desk Drawer writer's exercise list
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”Baby Mama”

Finally, a movie with Steve Martin and, get this, he’s NOT a loving Dad!

In fact Martin plays some sort of hippie New Age Guru in this movie about a woman hearing her ticking biological clock with intent to do something about it toot de sweet. Martin’s part in promotion of the screen play is ambiguous but they had to have some filler as I imagine.

IMDB FOR THIS MOVIE

Tina Fey is an angry actress, as I’ve often alleged. Which makes little sense as she’s been very successful in her career and goodness knows Sarah Palin put Fey on the map.

Amy Poehler, who played the part of poor white trash Angie Ostrowiski, is a colleague of Fey’s on “Saturday Night Live” and hey, it was much easier for this viewer to like Angie as opposed to Kate Holbrook-Fey’s character.

As anybody who ever watched the trailer for this movie would ascertain, this is not a movie with great depth and flood of thought. It does have its funny moments, yes it does, and if a movie makes me laugh out loud, however temporary, I consider it worth a look-see.

Tina Fey never even made me smile once during this movie. Amy Poehler had me smiling plenty of times. Some would argue it was a difference in the characters each played in the movie but I say PSHAW. Tina Fey is an angry woman and it shows in the parts she plays. Too bad.

Anyway, Holbrook is approaching age 40 and she yearns for a child. Such as cultivating a relationship and eventual marriage might take too long and besides, fertility tests reveal that Holbrook has serious issues with conceiving so the search is on to find a surrogate mother who would bear the child conceived by an anonymous sperm donor and Holbrook’s harvested egg.

Enter Angie Ostrowiski, a lower class female embroiled in a relationship with Dax Shepard, played by Carl Loomis. For a fee, Angie is to bear Holbrook’s child.

Holbrook does get involved in a romantic relationship during the course of the movie, with a Rob Ackerman, played very well by Greg Kinnear. Kate must deal with the dilemma of telling Rob the truth about her “friend” Angie’s unborn baby and the challenge of keeping it all a secret until she’s ready. Angie too has a secret that she wants to keep from Kate.

In the end, in the funniest scene in the movie in a courtroom confrontation, the truth comes out and it was so predictable from the very middle of the movie that it was all definitely an anti-climax.

Yes, I’d recommend this movie for a rainy afternoon. It’s a chick flick, my specialty and let me not mislead. Its humor is limited, let me not mislead, but it’s there.

Tina Fey needs to have her attitude smacked off of her shoulders clear to next Sunday. She’d be much more believable in a comedic role.

Below a little snippet from the funniest scene in the movie. Might be a bit of a spoiler so be forewarned.