Food Network Star-Cranky Judge; Bachelorette-Does Ed Have E.D.? Thoughts-Scarier Than Fiction Obama Healthcare; "The Slippery Slope of Marriage"-Ficti

He was gayer than a spring primrose. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

But it got old and the colored hair didn't help. Now The Next Food Network Star is down to four and let's discuss this cranky judge who maybe needs a man, you think?

All with pics and video you'll find nowhere else on the Internet.
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Bachelorette Jillian encounters a man with, ahem, problems that only a man can have.

It's all double entendre and euphemisms but the funniest part of all….she actually gives the fellow a rose that he can continue on.

All with pics and video you'll find nowhere else on the Internet.
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A rant on that Social Security luxury retreat. They learn how to dance on our taxpayer dime and this after Obama sicced his Acorn buddies on AIG for doing the same thing.

Plus the horror of Obamacare. How about that bit that will require all Medicare recipients to file a report every five years about how they'd prefer to die?
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It's fiction but it will someday be very true as the writer of the diary asserts.

For now, it's up to Youtube to provide a scary but very believable illustration of how marriage will be defined in America's future.
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Pic of the Day







Gubmint Health Care.

President Obama is determined, DETERMINED I tell you, to pass his health care plan and lots of folks are already seriously reading the thing.

This is the scariest of all the communist legislation this president has passed or tried to pass. So far, two very odd things have cropped up that are buried deep within the bowels of the bill.

First, there is a requirement that everybody on Medicare must, every five years, report to Social Security with their wishes on how they want to die.

I am NOT making this up.

Of course it’s phrased a bit more delicately than mine own paraphrase.

The requirement would have Medicare recipients signing a living will, expressing whether they are to be given food, or water, or neither. Or just what medicines should be administered to save their lives. Or not.

For now it sort of looks like Medicare recipients will have a choice but folks do we really want the government to be even remotely involved with this kind of thing?

It’s scary is what it is, and nothing less.

Second, don’t believe for a minute that you will be able to keep your own health insurance. The bill effectively eliminates all private health insurance. Well sure you can keep your own health insurance…UNTIL you give it up for some reason. After that you MUST go on to the gubmint health insurance. It’s right there in the verbiage of the bill, please don’t believe that Obama liar.

I give up yon ladies and gems. I simply cannot believe the things going on but over half this country voted for Obama and it’s not like the man didn’t tell us just who he was.

He is going to re-make America and we have a pack of howling Dems bucking him up and the pubbies are in the tanning booths keeping head hairs perfectly positioned and maintaining their friends across the aisle.

Shock…I am so shocked.

Cap & Trade was bad enough. But this health care bill is scary.

For while many Americans might not understand that Cap & Trade nonsense with it’s tax on energy, ALL Americans understand health care.

Finally, why does this thing have to be done before the August recess? Seems to me this country’s been haggling about health care reformation for many years, at least since Hillary Clinton’s era as First Lady when the country collectively put thumbs down on THAT plan.

Could it be, just throwing it out there, that Obama wants to ram this through before we get a chance to read the thing?

Fight it with all you’ve got.

Bad Guy of the Week-the Social Security Administration



In the interest of fair and balanced, I must, right here at the beginning, state plainly and clearly that on two different occasions in this past year I had to file for Social Security disability benefits. Well, once for me and once for my husband though technicall, HE did the filing.

In both cases we were treated kindly, fairly and with quick dispatch. I received my full benefits with no protest within four months of filing and husband received his in the same manner within two months of filing. Those at the Social Security administration who worked with us were kind, patient and very professional. If they said they were going to call they did call as promised. If they left a phone number that they may be reached, we could always get through.

Neither of us even had to leave the house to make our claim and the funds were deposited directly into our banking account.

Which is, I caution, as it should be for husband and I paid in our whole lives to social security at the rate of 6.2% a paycheck and add to this our employer match and we’ve got 12.4% of our paychecks being deposited to provide for us for this exact unexpected event. I had no idea at age 58 I would have a quadruple heart bypass that would prevent me from getting a job and who could ever have predicted husband, at age 57, would get a brain infection that would leave him prone to seizures, with paralyzed feet and the loss of part of his right hand?

Point being we should not have to fight, scream and beg for our own money that was rightfully paid for by husband, myself and my employers. By the estimate of the Social Security administration, husband and I and our respective employers paid in almost a half a million dollars over the years of our employment. With interest and growth that would have accumulated had that money been invested in the stock market, the government and taxpayers of America will never be taking a hit or subsidizing the modest monthly benefit now being paid to husband and myself.

So we now get it back. And while such as medical proof should be provided, we filed our claim timely and in order but again, as I condemn the recent activities of the Social Security administration below, I feel it fair and prudent to state my own experiences with this agency.

Which is not to say, finally, that I haven’t heard horror stories of folks suffering and in pain who were constantly turned down for benefits, who could never get to a human voice in that agency, who waited years for an answer, a fair settlement.

I suppose, however and I must softly suggest, that people try to obtain Social Security benefits to which they might NOT be entitled so who knows the circumstances of the horror stories? I only know first hand my own experiences and it was a positive one as I narrate.

HERE we find out that the Social Security Administration spent almost a million bucks having itself a fine shindig in the Biltmore estate.

All to give SS employees “relief” from the pressures of their jobs.



Another caveat here. Many, many businesses sponsor such corporate retreats and indeed, myself has gone to many such things through the years and with various employers. I’d accept that even government agencies such as Social Security should also be allowed such semi-working respites. These things have been proven to provide benefits to companies, in terms of the seminars generally given at these events, the comradery made and grown between employees, the opening of lines of communications between boss and subordinates…these things are beneficial to a company, yes they are.

BUT…ah, you knew there was a but.

President Obama, a lying deceitful hypocrite if ever there was one, publicly went around lambasting banks and other companies for attending these events while they were receiving government bailouts.

Go with me here…Social Security may not have been receiving a government bailout but, no, WAIT! That entire enterprise is financed by the government, ergo the taxpayers.

If it is wrong for private companies receiving government bailouts to attend these events, why then is it okay for the Social Security administration to arrange such things?

Below, a happening video of Social Security Administration employees learning to dance. Something you gotta know to do when you’re filling out disability claims. Heh.



Thus my complaint is not that the Social Security Administration was egregious or wrong with their seminar. It’s more the politics of the Obama administration and the double standard they intentionally overlook.

If they don’t think private companies receiving government bailouts should be going off on exotic employee seminars, neither should agencies funded directly by taxpayer dollars.

It’s as simple as that.

Signs the Economy Is In Distress

Twelve Indicators that the Economy is Bad

12. CEO's are now playing miniature golf.

11. I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

10. I went to buy a toaster-oven, and they gave me a bank.

9. Hotwheels and Matchbox car companies are now trading higher than GM in the stock market.

8. Obama met with small businesses - GE, Pfizer, Chrysler,
Citigroup, and GM to discuss the Stimulus Package.

7. McDonalds is selling the 1/4 ouncer.

6. People in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and are learning their children's names.

5. The most highly paid job is now jury duty.

4. People in Africa are donating money to Americans.

3. Motel Six won't leave the lights on.

2. The Mafia is laying off judges.

And my favorite indicator of all...

1. If the bank returns your check marked as "insufficient funds," you have to call them and ask if they meant you or them.

Personal Story of the Wasps and the Swallows

Nature is out in full force this summer of the Year of Our Lord, 2009. They must reproduce, of course, and us humans only get in their way.

We begin with the wasps.

Now I don’t want yon reader to think husband doesn’t exercise his car enough, but some wasps, as we were to soon painfully learn, built a fine nest in the crack of the door frame to the driver’s side door of his car.

Only we don’t know the wasp’s nest was there.

Husband took the car to the local yokel Motor Vehicle place to get an inspection and, upon passing, a renewal of the auto tag.

Only the car’s stop lights weren’t working even though husband tested them before taking it to the inspection area. He had me sit in the car and press the brake light and after each press he would yell “perfect”. I turned the right turn signal, the left turn signal, couple of “perfect” pronouncements and boom, on to the inspectors.

He came home without a renewal and once again I was sitting behind the wheel pressing the brake pedal.

Only a bunch of wasps were going nuts and already distracted by just why the brake lights suddenly were not working, we swatted in the general vicinity of the flying wasps until husband, in exasperation, shouted at the wasps to “get outta here.”

The wasps did not, of course, listen to husband and I got suspicious.

“There must be a nest around here,” I said. Duh.

We looked all about the vicinity of the door where the wasps, about six or seven of them, insisted, despite husband’s warning, on flying about. Soon enough we found it, a paper wasp’s nest tucked inside a crevice between the door and the main auto body.

I did suffer one wasp sting by one particularly irate wasp because think about it. These guys built a fine nest in a perfect spot, safe from the weather elements and perfect to insert the babies in their little cocoon spots that they grow and eventually emerge as adult wasps. There were only about five of maybe 15 slots filled with a wasp embryo, as I guess they are called. Those guys, or are they all girls?..were building a regular wasp dynasty in that car.

I imagine their ire. It’s a fine summer day and they go flying about, gathering pollen or nectar or food or whatever the hell wasps eat. They return to the nest still in process and IT IS GONE!

“William, THE BABIES…” I imagine the queen wasp telling her husband, or is it husbands?

Indeed, all of their children as well as the nest was, poof, GONE!

So when the vehicle returned to its spot, the wasps gathered in the joy that the CHILDREN, the CHILDREN WERE BACK!





It was at husband’s dental office that I met the prettiest little swallow pair. They too had a fine, fine nest, plastered much like a wasp’s nest in fact, under the eave of the entrance to the dental office. I saw three little swallow babies in the nest and trust me, the barn swallow parents were none to happy with husband and I hanging around their nest.

At first I had no idea there was a nest in the vicinity. All I knew is two cute barn swallow were flying all around my head, sometimes almost floating in the air like a hummingbird. After a while their presence and dive bombs become so insistant that, duh, dawn once again broke over my marble head.

“There’s a nest around here somewhere,” I wisely told husband.

Since husband is getting dentures, he and I have had occasion to watch these swallow babies grow in that cute nest in a rather unusual place. One of the dental nurses told me that this is their third nest this year in that location and goodness, barn swallows are unusual birds for me to see and here the dentist office workers are by now annoyed with these pretty little birds.

So nature is out there and it is, indeed, us humans who insist on sharing their world with them, who too often just get in the way with our constant dental visits and dear Lord, driving off with ALL OF THE CHILDREN!

Ending With a Smile



 


The Slippery Slope To Marriage

It’s like abortion.

Or course those are rather abrupt and sudden words as I sit here composing a diary entry on a rainy afternoon. I can be abrupt, and shocking with my diary entries because, well I am the only one who reads them.

At least until my death.

At which time I suppose my diary will be found along with my other personal effects and someone, very likely my precious granddaughter Mary Louise, will read it.

This is fine because reading a grandmother’s diary after her death is a long-established American tradition and like so many grandmother diaries before mine, I hope that my descendents learn something about life in my time.

Which gets me back to abortion because Mary Louise has lived her entire life knowing that should she desire and have the need, she can have an abortion any time she wants, even at most any point during the term of the fetus if you add that damnable catch-all, “the health of the mother”.

Although it is a given here, should I be dead and Mary Louise is reading this diary, that Mary Louise is vehemently against abortion, as am I and as is her mother and most other females in our extended family. Most of us being devout Catholics and everything is what I’m saying here.

This was not always the case and I document now that back in the early 1970’s, abortion on demand was made legal and as a young and pretty woman just coming to that age when pregnancy is paramount in a female life, I was very relieved. The notion that desperate young woman, scared, financially trapped, perhaps even raped into an unwanted pregnancy, could be jailed for obtaining an end to a condition that would so horrifically alter their lives simply infuriated my young self. Not that any women were ever sent to jail for such a thing, or at least none that I knew of, it still was a possibility and an American female public undergoing a transformation to an exciting “liberated” status was ready for freedom from the ravages of an unwanted pregnancy.

With the passage of time and as I closed in on my age as of this diary entry, 63 years, myself and many other formerly pretty and young women grew horrified with each passing year at females who cavalierly aborted one of their gestating triplets that they not be condemned to a life shopping at WalMart. Babies are now being pulled from the womb up until a mere week from birth, this after their heads are pierced by a long surgical instrument that shuts down their brains lest they live after being yanked from their womb.

Babies of the wrong sex, babies with a birth defect or even babies believed to have a birth defect, can all be aborted and without fear of breaking the law and I can hear the howls of damnation across the land, the cries of the infants, helpless as helpless can be defined, as they are denied a life those of us now out of the womb obviously did not suffer.
What started out as a simple procedure that would take place, almost effortlessly and without pain within the first trimester of a sudden and unexpected pregnancy ballooned into a horror that has shocked so many of us who once thought abortion on demand to be a fine thing.

It’s the law of unintended consequences, to put a more sophisticated turn of phrase on it. I call it the “slippery slope” and this term applies to any situation which might have seemed good at the time but granted, legislated or given without a complete thought, can be that terrible thing we should have been careful in wishing for.

“But you said I could stay out until midnight on a weekend night,” my daughter Shelly, Mary Louise’s mother told me the night riots raged in a nearby city. Another night an icy rain started off and on and again, I’d told Shelly that she could stay out late, all because she harangued on me that I treated her like a baby, that all her friends could stay out to watch the midnight cult movie. In desperation to stop the pleas I threw out that casual promise about weeknights and riots and I spent many evenings going against my own parental ruling when a simple “as I determine” addendum would have given me room to get around bad weather and nearby riots.

It might be a simple example but we all learn from it, whether we are supervising assigned employees, trying to properly parent our children or even setting rules for the family pooch regarding begging for food at the table.

Give them an inch and they’ll take a mile.

It’s not that I am especially “political”. I only vaguely understand the difference between a liberal and a conservative. I am a registered Democrat but I daresay I’ve voted Republican as often as I have Democrat and on more than one occasion I’ve voted for some crazy 3rd party candidate or another. Granddaughter Mary Louise knows this and, in fact, she just last year registered to vote and she registered Independent rather than being a hypocrite by not voting for her registered party’s candidate. I tried to explain that back in my day unless you were a millionaire or a son of a Republican, you just automatically registered Democrat but Mary Louise just snorted.

Like most Americans I suspect, I do pay close attention to issues that concern me. Abortion of course worries me no end and I’d sure like to see some limits put on abortion. I don’t suppose that it should be outright banned as this would never work but a) there’s no good reason for an accidental pregnancy any more as darn, they even have little patches you only need put on once a month and poof, no babies. And b) pregnancy tests are now available that reveal pregnancy like a few days or so after conception. So why are so many near-term babies being yanked out of their mother’s womb when it would have been so easy to avoid some nine months earlier? Plus, do we really, as a country and a compassionate people, want to go killing babies if they are not the sex of choice? And so-called “birth defects”, again, do we really want to be God and decide who should be born and who should not? Is possible ugliness a birth defect?

I know I don’t have all the answers and sometimes it seems like I have all the questions.

Of late I have become alarmed at yet another social trend in this country and I ponder that it will take more than my diary entry to avoid a slippery slope that will have us, some many years later, all regretful and bereft of how to go back and change the outcome.

“But Grandma, you met Bob and you know as well as I do what a nice guy he is. He and Michael adore each other. Why can’t they know the joy of being married, the security and commitment of it, just like Alan and I?”

This was how Mary Louise presented her argument about same-sex marriage and, indeed, I did know both her “fiancé” Alan and his, ahem, homosexual brother Bob. That’s the problem when discussing the tricky subject of same-sex marriage. This is an era when stepping out of the closet is considered good form and, in fact, our homosexual brethren, both males and females, make no attempt to hide their sexual orientation in any manner.

Which I do not think should be the norm, for homosexuals have the right to pursue their happiness as guaranteed by our constitution and folks like me just have to get used to Bob holding hands with Michael.

But marriage?

Like Mary Louise says, why not?

I wonder if some thirty years ago I’d have presented my scenario about babies being pulled from the womb a week before birth, or about babies being aborted for being a triplet when the mother only wanted twins, or babies being stabbed in the head and allowed to slip out of the womb because they were not the right sex…well I wonder if I had somehow envisioned such a thing and managed to write it down as I have above, would it have changed a thing?

For my argument against same-sex marriages I will not be caught off guard again. For now, yon reader of this humble diary, we have YouTube.

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It took quite a while to convince my daughter to help me with this endeavor. Shelly is an English teacher at the local high school and she does assist with the production of the annual senior play. But she finally agreed and for now I compose the screenplay until Shelly and I can get this up on YouTube.
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Scene opens. MSNBC TV News anchorman stands outside a residence, microphone with network call letters affixed around the mouthpiece.

“Hello I’m Mark Roehmer and I’ll be your host tonight on this MSNBC special …”The New Marriage, How It Affects Our World.”

I’m here in front of the Todd Bulling household. In a minute we will be going inside to meet Todd and his family. We’ll discuss his marriage, a marriage that is quite different from the marriages we knew back in the 2010 era. For now, let us meet a couple of the pundits who will be discussing and debating the various issues and accusations. Representing the Conservative Party, formerly the Republican party, from Delaware, we have Mary Louise Morrison. Representing the Progressive Party, formerly the Democratic party, we have Bob Morrison, actually Mary Louise’s brother-in-law, who has been married to his husband, Michael, for some twenty years now, as long as Mary Louise has been married to her husband and Bob’s brother, Alan. Good afternoon Mary Louise, Bob.”
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Scene changes to talking heads. Mary Louise nods a greeting, Bob mouths a soft “Good afternoon.”

“Mary Louise, the head of your party, President Sarah Palin, vows to introduce a bill to override the current definition and return it to the old biblical definition of marriage being between a man and a woman. Palin says that the new forms of marriage in this almost mid-21st century have hurt both this country’s economy and social welfare. Do you agree?”

“I do,” Mary Louise says when camera is on her. “Home ownership has dropped to half the levels that they were in 2015, the year following the end of the great depression caused by President Barack Obama. In that year, fully 80% of America owned a home or condominium. That rise was caused by Obama’s defeat and the dismantling of Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac. With each new definition of marriage put on the books, home ownership has dropped until now, in 2039, only 45% of Americans own their own home.”

“Why is this, Bob?” the MSNBC anchorman asks, turning to Bob Morrison.

“Home ownership has simply dropped down to the more normal percentage that it was at before the Obama caused second depression. The difference in the definition of marriages as has evolved in these last 20 years has nothing to do with the percentages of Americans who own their own homes.”

“That’s not true, Mark!” Mary Louise Morrison shouts. The MSNBC host tries to go on to another issue but Mary Louise keeps shouting. Finally, in exasperation, the MSNBC host says, “Why not?”

“The Conservative party has done many surveys of various banks and bank presidents over the past ten years. Many of the results are published online at Conservative.com for verification and details. The consensus is that the confusion and chaos by the many definitions of marriage have virtually eliminated the concept of “tenants in the entirety”. This now old-fashioned notion was used for mostly married couples that had each one owning a house completely in fusion with his or her spouse. The bankers say that they simply cannot use this term, and the resulting financial security the concept brought with it. There’s too much deceit and uncertainty in the notion so mortgages are now almost always based on the ability of only ONE partner in any marriage to pay it off. This has effectively brought down the number of people who would have, in the age when marriage was defined as strictly between one human man and one human woman, to half of those who would have once qualified for a mortgage.”

“Let us go and visit Todd Bulling and his family,” the MSNBC host says with no comment or further questions about home ownership issues in America.

“Hello,” a big and friendly fellow says upon opening the door for the MSNBC host. “Please come in and meet my family.”

The door opens and the viewer sees about ten children from toddlerhood up to adolescence. Seated upon the couch are three women.

“These are my wives, Sarah, Nancy and Willamena,” Todd says, pointing in order to the appropriate of the three adult women by name.

“Mr. Bulling,” the MSNBC host says. “Please call me Todd,” Bulling says.

“Todd, how much easier is your life now that you can legally be married to these three fine women than it was when you all had to live your life in secret?”

“Life couldn’t be better for us, Mark,” Todd says, extending his arm and swinging it around to show the expanse of his large and beautiful home. “My children are relieved at not having to hide their lives. Men are allowed multiple wives in my religion and before it was nothing less than blatant discrimination to not allow me the sanctity and social credibility of a legal marriage.”

“How do you like no longer having to lie about your father and his wives?” the MSNBC host asks one of the teenagers sitting on the couch. “It’s just so much better,” the adolescent girl of around 17 years of age says. “Our religion has just recently made a change in the by-laws by the supreme leader and now I will be able to marry both of my current boyfriends. Having such sensible marriage laws in America has finally made this a country I can be proud of.”

The MSNBC host stays inside the Bulling house for about ten more minutes, the film crew making a tape of the three wives happily cooking while the many children play board games at the dining table. The host exits the house and again addresses the pundits.

“So you see, Mary Louise and Bob, some Americans that until the redefinition of the marriage laws who were kept deep and unhappy in the shadows, overlooked by those who would insist on their narrow world view in the definition of marriage. The Bullings are Mormans, for the record, but let us not forget the many Muslims now living in America whose religion also allows for multiple wives. Religion is supposed to be kept apart from state in America so why did the marriage laws intrude on a person’s religious belief?”

“Just because someone has a religion that preaches it is okay to murder doesn’t mean America as a country has to accept it,” Mary Louise shouts quickly in response to the MSNBC’s host rather silly argument.

“What do you think, Bob?” the MSNBC host says, ignoring and now mad at Mary Louise for intruding on what he thought was a dynamite roll.

“You’re absolutely right, Mark. Between our Muslim citizens and the many Morman citizens who follow the teaching of multiple marriages, we used to force many millions of Americans to live a life of shame, not to mention a loss of benefits by those who rightfully deserve health and other benefits once only given to those covered by the ancient marriage definition of one man and one woman.”

Mary Louise tries to inject a thought but the MSNBC host moves on, happy with Bob’s summary of the manner.

“We will now visit the home of Jane Snyder and see yet another happy marriage once forbidden by the evangelical zealots of Sarah Palin’s voting base. But before, let’s discuss the continuing accusation that the new definitions of marriage has somehow undermined this country’s social setting. Mary Louise?”

“Mark, almost every state reports an almost bankrupt economy due to covering the descendents of folks just like Mr. Mulling who you just interviewed. In addition, child support payments are down. Seems that with so many different sorts of marriages now legal, many men are not bothering to marry the mother of their children. They are also not supporting their offspring. Many are claiming that they were but one of several husbands of their wives and getting DNA samples is not so simple anymore. Ever since the failing public health care system implemented by President Obama, private businesses no longer provide health insurance for their employees. Folks like the Mullings suddenly have a multitude of wives and husbands and children until no one can keep track of it all much less the government. We have millions of people collecting double on hospital bills, actually making a profit! And the public is footing the bill for more children of the lazy and thoughtless.”

Bob laughs loudly. “None of this has anything to do with the new definitions of marriage, Mark, as my good but misguided sister-in-law would have you believe. Whether or not the Mullings were married or all three of his wives were single, they would be eligible to government health care…”

“…many of them file double…,” Mary Louise tried to interject.

“Here we are at the home of Jane Snyder,” the MSNBC host cuts off further debate on the matter and knocks on a door. A women of about 50 years old opens the door. Using a white cane she opens the door and invites the MSNBC host in. It is obvious that she is blind. Her German Shepherd guide dog leads her to a couch.

“This is my husband, Rusty,” Jane says, wrapping her arms around the dog’s big head in endearment.

“How does it feel to finally be married to the one living thing on this planet you love with all your heart?” the MSNBC host asks.

“It’s positively wonderful and I can’t thank the congress enough for finally making me and people like me complete. Plus the free health veterinary care for Rusty keeps me financially solvent. He’s saved my life a few times and without him my life would be a real horror. Now he’s my husband and receives all the benefits thereof.”

“Were you and Rusty able to buy a house, Mrs. Snyder?” Mary Louise asks.

“I tried. Soon we’ll have to have congress start punishing those banks for their so obvious discrimination. I could have bought a house but the bank wouldn’t let me put Rusty down as tenant in the entirety and of course I’d want him protected in the event of my death and both of us to be safe from lawsuit. Further, Rusty should be counted as having an income same as mine because without Rusty I’d have no income at all. The American Kennel Club as well as PETA are lobbying furiously to get equal rights for animal spouses the same as human spouses under the law.”

The MSNBC host stays around the Snyder house, filming scenes of Rusty and Mary Louise eating a dinner at the same table as well as playing together in the yard.

“As you can see, folks, these two living creatures love each other as much as any human male ever loved a living human female. And Bob you and your husband Michael have been together for what, almost 20 years now?”

“Yes, Mark, and we love each other as much now as we did the day we married.”

“President Palin is considered too old to run for a second term,” the MSNBC host says to the camera now focused on him. “Her first term might not allow enough time for her efforts to tear down the new definitions of marriage. In fact, tune in tomorrow night. For if Rusty and Jane Snyder love each other, who are we to deny Cathy Spitzer and her llama the legality of marriage they deserve? As you shall see, Charlie, Cathy’s beloved llama, serves as Cathy’s ears. Cathy was born deaf. Charlie has already saved Cathy from death by a sudden fire in her home as well as chasing off a bunch of burglars who might have killed Cathy.”

The camera pans to a picture of an American flag waving strongly from a breeze.

“For America is truly a great land, a land of the free and the brave. Why should the benefits of marriage be denied to so many of our citizens? We’ll see you tomorrow night when we investigate more happy marriages and joyful Americans who have all emerged from the shadows where they had to live before the redefinitions of marriage our maturing country has enacted.”

TV screen fades to black.

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Dear Diary,

It’s Mary Louise. We buried my grandmother today. About 3 hours ago I found this diary. Such an old-fashioned concept, a hand-written diary. Well actually this diary is on Grandma’s computer but she printed out the pages and stored them in this folder. I know she wanted me to find it.

At first I laughed, through tears admittedly for Grandmother’s death was sudden and too soon, at the stories of my childhood, her own struggles with life and her health issues, the loss of grandfather.

Then I came apart this section….The Slippery Slope of Marriage as Grandma called it.

I am just shocked.

Grandmother is right. As much as I love my brother-in-law Bob and respect his right to pursue his happiness with his friend Michael, I think it’s best we keep marriage as defined between a man and a woman. A HUMAN man and a woman, of course, I write with a smile.

I plan on continuing this diary and maybe someday a child born of me and my beloved fiancé Alan might too continue this document of life ongoing here in this great country.

My grandmother planned on creating a YouTube type of amateur production of a mythical future and how changing the definition of marriage evolved through the years.

I intend to work with my mother to make this happen.

Only my fiancé has some contacts in the movie industry and I am going to take Grandmother’s idea and make it in to a big screen movie, maybe even 3-D.

Look for it, coming to a theater near you.


 


Next Food Network Star Goes to Miami



Food Network Star Web Site HERE

There were only five left: Jeffrey, Jamika, Melissa, Debbie and Michael.

Michael is a contender to be The Next Food Network Star no more.

Let me state right now that if Michael had won that thing you can rest assured his would have been a Food Network show I never would have watched.

Not that I watch cooking shows for the power of the star but there are exceptions.

I remind that I did a famous Blog post in 2006 about the TV Chefs who amuse or bemuse me, Those Celebrity Chefs-Who Cooks With Her Boobs and Who Is Disliked by All.

I love Alton Brown and Good Eats. This show really teaches one about cooking. I like Guy Fieri’s “Diners, Dives and Drive-ins” thing but this should be on as a form of background noise.

If you like bouncing boobs you might like Giada DiLaurentis and Rachel Ray’s traveling food show is occasionally interesting.

But I found Michael’s obvious gayness exceeding annoying. No, I don’t have a problem with homosexuals having cooking shows. I don’t have a problem with homosexuals having any job but by me some ostentatious gay behavior is not cute at all. If I had to watch that man prance on a cooking set for over ten minutes, waving his hands all about, calling everyone dear and asking who loves me I’d be throwing crap at the TV.

Further, I am not impressed by a chef who would cook my meals that has multi-colored hair I’m sorry, but it’s kind of ugly and makes me think his meals would be wayout weird. Guy Fieri pushes the envelope with his spikey gray hair stuff but it’s not too far out.





Before even boarding the airplane the four contenders had a mini-challenge that had them designing a meal for one of four different sorts of restaurant.

At his presentation, Jeffrey revealed that he is Lebanese and his wife is Iranian. Interesting indeed.

Jeffrey continues to be a force in this year’s contest. He cooks well, he presents well, the camera likes him. Melissa is his closest threat as I see it. Jamika will be sent home next show I suspect. Debbie will follow her shortly.

Jeffrey won this mini-challenge and on to the elimination challenge.

First, a nasty word about judge Susie Fogelson. This woman is a bit of a witch at times, eh? She is always making nasty little comments in a very low tone, almost under her breath, that makes her look small. At least as I see it.

When Debbie presented her mini-challenge entrée, Debbie made a comment about women watching their waistline, Fogelson griped that she was tired that it was always referred to as “women” watching their weight. Aw come on…the comment was just part of a standard presentation, very innocent. No one was calling Susie Fogelson fat for God’s sake.

Fogelson continued this bitch session for the entire show, once complaining because poor Jamika had to quickly serve her appetizers and mentioned the need to return to the kitchen to help, things were backing up. “It’s in poor form to mention having to leave,” Susie said and I said a little prayer that this woman’s monthly would finally end or that she would find a man to satisfy her needs. Heh.

The elimination challenge was interesting. The contenders were charged with hosting a South Miami Beach party and Michael was in his element, yes he was. The man was bartender for the hip young crowd and he was waving his arms all around in that gay way, asking the folks who loved them, bumping and grinding and silly. Very, very silly.

Each contender came up with two appetizers to serve at the party but it turned out that the appetizers were in many cases to difficult to prepare. Thus the food would come out late with a hungry crowd ready to pounce just as soon as the tray came out of the kitchen.

Debbie was given the job of “expediter” in the kitchen but it would turn out that all Debbie did in the kitchen was prepare her own appetizers. Both of Debbie’s appetizers were considered the best of them all but Debbie’s teamwork spirit was certainly put to the test. This is not the first time Debbie’s been caught in a lie.

At the end the judges decided that while Michael was a jovial bartender, the contest was not about being a happening gay bartender. Michael’s signature margarite salmon was not considered an outstanding food choice either and hey, time for Michael to move on.

Melissa was the only contender to make a vegetarian dish and dear Lord, what the hell is with vegetarians? I think for any human being to eschew meat is like the robins of our front lawns refusing to eat worms. It’s part of who we are, where we fit in the animal kingdom for God’s sake.

But nowadays one is considered a bad host if they don’t serve at least one meatless entrée for the kooks?

Heh.

As the count continues down, look for Melissa and Jeffrey to be the last two contenders for The Next Food Network Star still left standing.

Does Ed Have E.D.?

“The Bachelorette” episode aired on Monday 7/13/09 was so full of innuendo and double entendre that one almost had to be schooled in code to figure out what was going on.

Which causes myself, now, to write in that same double entendre/innuendo to properly make my very laughable point.

So okay, go with me here. I am female. I have been female my entire life. I have learned that there are differences between females and males.

One major difference is that in order for intimacy to commence in any sort of complete fashion the male of the species must achieve a certain physiological state to make it happen.

Stay with me on this. As was innuendo-ed to eternity on “The Bachelorette” on the episode aired 7/13/09, our friend Ed did not achieve that physiological state to achieve intimacy with Bachelorette Jillian although let me state right now lest yon reader think I am really stupid, I think that entire thing was staged but it was good staging; it kept me interested.

So okay. Jillian is a female and females are generally the kinder side of the human race and we know not to mock a poor fellow who might suffer such a situation because that eventuality is quite devastating to a fellow.

Although amongst ourselves we females tend to guffaw about such things but don’t tell the fellows this.

What I don’t get, heh, is Jillian’s by now got three nice fellows in the lineup. We got Reid, we got Kypton, we got Ed. Ed, by innuendo and the sudden flicking on of the light in mid of night, has, ahem, what is referred to in Viagara commercials as “E.D.”, yon reader figure out the meaning.

So she sends home the quirky but very physiologically ready, if you get my drift, Reid and actually gives Ed a rose?

I mean come on. If the guy can’t…well if he can’t, the very least a female with OTHER options here go with me, shouldn’t CHOOSE the guy.





Heh.

Actually I don’t think any such a thing happened because “The Bachelor/ette” is a reality show based on scripting that would emulate a reality soap opera. I think it’s a novel concept and the show amuses me.

I don’t think for one second Jillian slept with those men in that so-called Fantasy Suite. And I sure don’t think Ed came up, ahem, short on the matter. If he did, I don’t for one minute think he’d let the whole thing go on the air, much less stand with his two competitors who, by then, probably knew the script or Ed knew they would some day.

A guy can’t…well he can’t…and he’s going to allow the whole thing on national TV?

What’s even funnier, Jillian comes to the rose ceremony and she pulls Ed aside as she had to discuss the matter with him some more and we viewers listen to more innuendo and poor Ed, he’s dismissing his scripted impotence as if it’s, whishing hand aside as if a fly, a mere inconvenience, it won’t happen again, it was a passing thing.

Jillian accepted this and who you gonna believe, Ed or your lying real-life experience?

AND STILL SHE CHOOSES THE GUY!!!

Sorry fellows. If I sound chauvinist then regrets. But if in some strange circumstance such as Jillian finds herself, with three handsome and suitable suitors at her beck and call, I simply am not going to choose the one with faulty equipment.

Most of us pathetic females only have one male significant other in their lives. Should a fellow come up short on an occasion or two then love and patience will often make things right.

Bear in mind, however, the ludicrousness of Jillian allegedly having three choices and she chooses the guy who failed at the one thing that guy’s are most useful for.

Ed missed the hometown date earlier as he’d left the show to return home to save Microsoft single-handedly. This past episode we met Ed’s parents who seem almost normal.

Also, Ed wore some sort of green bathing suit that had the Bachelor boards alight with derision. “Something from the 70’s” was the general smirking sentiment.

So it’s now down to Ed and Kypton. Jillian seems to really like Ed. Let’s consider how far from the norm this fellow has strayed and still she keeps giving him a rose.

a)-he left the show to return home to his job.
b)-he missed the original home town date causing Jillian to miss meeting his family when she was making difficult choices.
c)-Ed’s “failure” in the Fantasy Suite

Heh.

I think Ed’s going to win this thing and go with me here, somehow, some way, Ed will be vindicated. His “manhood” will be restored and the viewing audience will know about it.

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